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John Abbot is co-owner of ChinaLoveMatch.net. Married to a lovely Chinese Lady and living in China, John knows and respects China, Chinese Women, Chinese People and Chinese Culture. His blog will include good stuff about Online Dating, Chinese Women, International Relationships and Things Chinese. Join John Abbot on Google+
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Feminism Gone Mad: Where Do We (and Chinese Women) Go From Here?    

By John Abbot
6867 Views | 8 Comments | 9/1/2014 3:56:06 PM

Tired of dating self-entitled man-haters? Join CLM and date real Chinese women today.

The subject of Feminism has reared its (fast becoming) ugly head in the blogs these days.  The discussion, initiated by Peter and followed up on by Achelle, centered on the suggestion that Feminism has evolved over time from a well justified and socially necessary movement for the securing of equality with men for woman, into more of a women’s hate-fest of men and a grab for entitlement and privilege by a minority (but not a small one) of feminists, who have commandeered the original movement for their own purposes.



This may seem like an odd topic for Asian and Chinese dating sites like the CLM and ALM blogs to enter into, but when you think about it, a huge portion of our men are likely here because of disenchantment with women in their own cultures/countries so it is very relevant indeed to our reason for being.  In addition, Chinese women, while making headway in attaining equality in leaps and bounds, seem to be doing so without the foaming at the mouth hatred of men being exhibited at the forefront of the modern Feminist groups. In fact, all the Chinese women I know of either seem a little uncomfortable with the direction in which western Feminism seems to be heading, or oblivious to the Feminist movement entirely.



So why shouldn’t there be a discussion of this topic in blogs and a forum aimed at Western men and Chinese women crossing cultural boundaries to find each other. Let’s continue with it.



Peter, in his blog entitled “Who Needs Feminism” (the title itself a bit of an ironic poke at the Feminist organization of the same name) introduces the relatively new and very fast growing group named “Women Against Feminism”, then makes a strong argument that Feminism cannot now, if it ever could, be defined by “the notion that women deserve equal treatment before the law and equal opportunity in the workplace”. That notion, Peter points out, more properly defines the term “humanism”. You need to read Peter’s blog in full as a first step in understanding where today’s Feminism now stands and where my article is going, but his point about humanism looms especially large in the conclusions below.



A recent Time article, “Ironic Misandry: Why Feminists Pretending to Hate Men Isn’t Funny”in which Sarah Begley (who in her Twitter profile declares herself to be a “Fifth-Wave Feminist”, whatever that is) argues that the current trend of radical feminists to ironically joke about “wishing to kill all men” or of “hating all men” (otherwise known as ‘misandry’) is really not the way to further the goals of the feminist movement with the male population. That seems to be nothing more than common sense, doesn’t it?



However, check out this post on the “Miss Representation (Movie)” Facebook page (a popular Feminist movie and FB page) which briefly quotes a portion of the article and then invites comments from the pages loyal followers: Miss Representation Facebook Post. You can judge for yourself, and I urge you to read the long list of comments on this post, but I came to the conclusion that a substantial number of the women commenting on the post are indeed serious man-haters. Some make no bones about it, and others defend “ironically humorous” statements supporting Misandry with angry and hate-filled anti-male sentiments. There are about an equal number of women who express surprise and dismay at the number of man-haters in the crowd, but they do so in a spirit of almost being lost, and wondering “where can we go from here”. There is no overwhelming backlash by a strong majority taking a stand that hating men is wrong and we’re not going to tolerate it in our movement towards equality.  



I would suggest to the rabid feminist man-haters that when one group hates another, and says “I hate them” or “I want to kill them”, that statement contains absolutely no humor and no irony.  If a group of women at a party of couples mockingly say in front of their husbands, “men are so useless, we should just kill them all”, that statement can be said to be ironic and funny, because they obviously didn’t mean it. If a group of white supremists says “blacks are so useless, we should just kill them all” there is very clearly no irony or humor to be found, because they are obviously dead serious. I’m afraid that the proud man-haters in your midst brings your group much closer to the white supremists than to the loving wives. I also realize that many of you will take great pride in not being associated with loving wives, but that does nothing to justify your hatred, nor your defense of it.



In fact, your comments remind me of nothing so much as the equally rabid and hate-filled garbage that emanates from the male supremists and extreme anti-feminists. Instead of finding equality with men as a whole, you have managed to grasp onto an odd sort of equality with the very worst of men, the same ones who hate you.



This leads to a quick take on an equal and opposite movement that also needs to be abandoned, that being the movement best represented by the Men’s Rights Activists (MRA) and many similar groups on the rise.  In my view, these groups are highly suspect as having succumbed to the same fate as the Feminist movement, namely being commandeered by the same loud, obnoxious, hate filled minority of the male gender. In the case of some of these groups, they more likely were created by this minority than commandeered by it.



Now, you might argue that a few comments by the odd vocal member of a movement doesn’t prove the movement has adopted the principals expressed in the comments, or is being led by the people making them.  But you don’t have to trust me that these types of comments are very common on the various pages and websites of almost every Women’s or Men’s Activist Group, just check them out for yourself. And if they are not having an adverse effect, and are not supported by the leaders, then why are they being allowed to take the main stage with precious little opposition. Where there should be a loud and vocal protest against the frequent angry, hated filled and sometimes obscenely violent outbursts by the radical elements of these leading female and male rights groups, there is instead an ominously beaten and desperate silence



Hence, I submit, the sudden emergence of numerous anti-feminist organizations headed by women such as Women Against Feminism.



In her blog “From the Point of View of a Nonconforming Feminist”, Achelle goes on to agree with Peter that:



“Feminism, in its present form and especially in the west, has transformed from a movement that sought to advance women’s rights into one that now only seems to foment greater discord between the sexes and to seek the emasculation of men.  It has become a movement of hate.”



But she adds that:



“There are still so many countries, particularly those that are less developed, where feminism, in its original, uncorrupted form and with its original purpose, is still greatly needed.”



Well, perhaps, but perhaps not so much.



Please understand that in Feminism’s original form, a movement to bring women to a level equal to men, I have always been a supporter. I have had many women in my life who were strong activists in that movement and I admire them immensely. They include my mother in her time, my sister-in-law who I much admire, my former wife (who is a strong feminist and yet a loving sister to seven men) and my current wife who is not an activist but lives her life as an equal to all people, no exceptions granted. I love these women and want nothing more than that they all obtain the equality they fully deserve. They do not hate men!  They all stand firmly behind the original tenets of Feminism, that women should have equal rights to men. 



But as Peter notes, if that was what Modern Feminism was all about today, then “we’d all be feminists”.



While I agree with Achelle that reviving the original tenets of Feminism and bringing them into play in the less developed countries, where clearly women do require and deserve the assistance of a movement that will bring them equality with men, would be a good thing, I doubt that it is any longer possible to do that since the very essence of Feminism has been lost and replaced by, again in Achelle’s own words, “a movement of hate”.  Can we really expect that the current movement called Feminism, now being helmed by a vocal minority of women who revel in “foment(ing) greater discord between the sexes” and “seek(ing) the emasculation of men”, with all the attendant press they receive in the developed countries, will be successfully transformed back into its former pure and noble state by a simple ocean crossing? Does anyone believe the current rabid feminist leaders would allow that?



I doubt it!



But, fortunately, it really isn’t necessary to do so.



I suggest that the growing number of women in the west who are now moving away from modern Feminism to protest its loss of credibility, as represented by “Women Against Feminism” and numerous other similar groups, attests to the fact that Feminism as a movement, needs to be, should be and can be replaced by something even better. Equally, Mens’ Rights Activism, which is nothing more than an overreaction to Feminism gone mad, needs to be set on the shelf as well. There’s a better way, which Peter, intentionally or not, alluded to in his blog.



The Feminist organizations, and even more so the Mens’ Rights organizations, form a minority of women and men in the developed countries, and I’m sure a much smaller minority in the less developed countries, where food and shelter take up much more time and thought. Then within those groups, the rabid extremists form a minority, albeit a vocal one, leaving the silent majority, as already suggested, wondering where do we go from here.



I suggest that by far the most of us, female and male, are seeking a world where we are all equal and happy, all getting along, all looking out for each other. Most men not only do not hate women, but love and adore them, and the same holds true for women loving men.



Personally, I vote we all band together, and form a movement based on Humanism.  We are, it appears, a large majority, so there’s really nothing stopping us from working together to attain equality for all human beings.  Maybe that’s where we could go from here.



Think what a powerful humanist movement could do for women oppressed in less developed countries, for children starving in some of those countries, for all human beings in need of breaking free of oppression. Humanism sounds pretty good to me.



And something else; I believe strongly that Chinese women, who are not excited at all by modern Feminism as they are not the leat bit inclined towards hating men, would back a Humanist movement in a big way. There are roughly 700 million Chinese women in the world, and that would be a serious force to be reckoned with.


Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
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(Showing 1 to 8 of 8) 1
#2014-09-01 23:52:00 by prana @prana

Feminists in the hearts of good people, it is the love, peace.

Feminists in the hands of selfish people, it is the greed, hatred.

#2014-09-02 01:10:09 by anonymous11643 @anonymous11643

The western woman is getting angrier and is spewing hate towards men on a level I have not seen before. I think there are several reasons for this. One of the main reasons is western men have options now. Whereas before, prior to the internet age, a man's options were quite limited. This upsets western women at the very core of their being. This means they cannot control us anymore.

I was eating lunch with a group of friends one day and one woman (who is usually negative, pessimistic, and generally hates men after her divorce) blurted out "Men are so stupid. That's why it's hard to find one to marry these days."

Well, I didn't want to tell her and get in a full-blown fight with her...but maybe just maybe it's because no man wants to even approach someone with this type of attitude? Who wants to marry a woman that 1) thinks you're stupid 2) will argue with you day in and day out and 3) is incredibly pessimistic and angry?

Feminism has already won in the west. The women over here no longer need men. I say congrats to them. Enjoy your single lives. Just don't complain (or blame) us about it.

#2014-09-02 01:53:22 by woaizhongguo @woaizhongguo

Yes, three cheers for humanism, or secular humanism as I prefer to refer to it just to piss people off. As you say, it will be interesting to see how feminism plays itself out in China. As for America, well, I fear that feminists have "jumped the shark," as they say. There was an article in the New Yorker recently about how there is in the feminist movement an opposition to transgendered rights, which shows the dangers of going to an extreme in any ideology. Of course, the real home of bat-shit crazy feminism (BSCF) is the American university, and after two decades in that nuthouse I have some stories to tell, and will do so in an upcoming blog

#2014-09-02 22:36:44 by Grace172 @Grace172

oh, too bad. My English level is too low to understand this great thesis. I think if the feminsts hate men and want to kill all the men, that mean they do not desire equality between men and women but control men and control the world.

#2014-09-03 09:08:55 by anonymous11664 @anonymous11664

@woaizhongguo - I am really looking forward to your blog. I am sure it will confirm what I have been experiencing firsthand over the past several years.

#2014-09-05 21:21:53 by chinayingying @chinayingying

by Grace172 @Grace172
亲爱滴!我想你已经很优秀了,你可以读这篇文章,
只是不了解当时的历史背景而已。

#2014-09-06 00:30:35 by Grace172 @Grace172

@chinayingying
Dear Yingying, 谢谢你的夸奖。 但还是别夸我为好。不是我谦虚,而是事实啊。 你知道我为什么一直只能教小毛孩们英语? 就是我的英语水平不高,不能教成人。为什么我的英语水平不高? 就是被家长跨的,自满了。水平就一直停留在这上面啦。 越被夸奖就越不求上进。
除了我英语水平不高,我这个人懒得思考,因为我的理解力有限,就算努力思考很多事情都想不明白的。别说是英文了,就算是中文,那些比较严肃的题材和论文巨著等我都未必看懂。我的水平只能看一些小打小闹,嘻嘻哈哈的简单小品。
John这篇论文对于我来说太深奥了。我确实是看不懂啊。这不是笑话。
其实我对女权主义不大感冒,只是看到John在第二段说 “This may seem like an odd topic for Asian and Chinese dating sites like the CLM and ALM blogs to enter into, but when you think about it, a huge portion of our men are likely here because of disenchantment with women in their own cultures/countries so it is very relevant indeed to our reason for being. In addition, Chinese women, while making headway in attaining equality in leaps and bounds, seem to be doing so without the foaming at the mouth hatred of men being exhibited at the forefront of the modern Feminist groups. In fact, all the Chinese women I know of either seem a little uncomfortable with the direction in which western Feminism seems to be heading, or oblivious to the Feminist movement entirely.”
这段话引起我的好奇,继续往下读,但越看越糊涂。后面的话我都读不懂啦。最希望有翻译。 另外你说的很对,我真的一点都不知道当时的历史背景。 你能说说吗?谢谢!

#2014-09-09 15:41:39 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

@Grace172

I have taken to heart your concern about not understanding my blog. My university education included a double undergraduate major in English and Philosophy and then a degree in Law. I'm afraid all that formal training caused my written English to be more formal and complex than it needs to be for everyday purposes like blogging. Especially, being a lawyer for many years really poisoned my ability to just write for the everyday reader.

I try to remember this and change, but it isn't easy, and I frequently forget to try to simplify my writing. Believe it or not, my thoughts come to my head in just the same long, complex format as they are expressed in my written sentences, That's why they flow onto the page as they do. It drives my poor wife crazy.

Frankly, sometimes when I go back to read an earlier writing even I am confused by it all.

So I have just written a new blog on the Mooncake challenge as a Guest Blogger. This is a new feature we are introducing. I have really tried to simplify my sentences to make it easier to read. Please read it and tell me if that is better.

I will try even harder to keep my writing readable in the future. Thanks for the reminder.

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