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Ryan Hendry is a former detective and lawyer from the UK. He is now a freelance writer living in the Philippines. Ryan has a Filipina partner and hopes to be married to her later in 2016. He has traveled extensively in Asia and is a veteran of the Asian online dating world. He has experienced online, and physically met, some scammers, including unscrupulous ladies from Thailand and the more obvious scammers from Nigeria. Ryan is keen therefore to share his experiences and uses this platform for his blogs as CLM and ALM is committed to hunting down all scammers. Ryan, despite some of his experiences, respects Asian culture, loves Asian food and is now happy in the Philippines!
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International Dating: My Story - European Bigots    

By Ryan Hendry
1388 Views | 5 Comments | 7/23/2016 2:36:13 PM

Noi on the beach

The first few days in Thailand were perfect. I loved everything about it. The weather, the beaches, the food and Noi. Every day was an easy day just relaxing, eating in restaurants and a few beers in a bar. I was mindful that this was a holiday feeling. I was determined not to be seduced by the vacation atmosphere. There are no responsibilities when on vacation and dating a new, beautiful Asian woman. The hard yards come later when there are decisions to be made about serious matters such as accommodation, location and in our case - what to do about Kamon, Noi’s niece. Those things could wait. I was still in holiday mode.

 

Despite the holiday mood, we had discussed some serious issues. Noi was eager to start up her own restaurant business again. One of her favorite lines was, “You wait. I can cook better than this.” This was after I had passed a comment about the food I had just eaten. What did I like most about her in these early days? Noi was even tempered. She was never flustered by anything. She went out of her way to make sure I was comfortable no matter where we were. Noi would select the best table and the most comfortable chair for me in a restaurant. She would ensure that the fan was directed at me to keep me cool. Most of all, she was quietly spoken. I loved that.

 

It was now time to transfer to the luxury beachside hotel I had booked before leaving the UK. Once more we enlisted Che as our driver to take us the fifteen miles north of Patong to the new hotel. We checked out of the Patong hotel and into the sheer luxury of the beach hotel. I was looking forward to three nights of bliss. We were shown to our beachside cabin by a porter. Wow! It was something else - it was spacious on the inside with a huge king size bed and beautifully furnished. The bathroom was almost as large as the room we had vacated at the Patong hotel.

 

The door of our private cabin took you out on to a roomy verandah with two large overhead fans. Ten steps further and you were walking on fine, white sand. It was perfect. A little piece of heaven in Thailand. We settled into our room before taking a stroll around the manicured gardens and grounds of the hotel. There were three separate restaurants. They all served Thai food but the menu was also heavily influenced by German, Austrian and Swiss food. It didn’t take long for me to find out that the hotel appeared to cater to tourists from those countries.

 

Noi and I ate in the largest of the restaurants that evening. I noticed that she appeared to be ill at ease. She was the only Thai customer in the hotel and I believe that she was feeling that way because some of the foreign tourists were looking down on her in a disapproving way. It was annoying but it’s difficult to remonstrate with someone because of a ‘look.’ Yet, that did us a favor.

 

We spent the remaining two nights dining at a nearby beach restaurant. The food was typically Thai. It was mainly freshly caught fish and it was superb! We had two romantic candlelit dinners there; sat on the beach with our toes buried in the sand. Perfect! Noi looked even more beautiful as I started to contemplate a dating success story.

 

She found the hotel atmosphere uncomfortable during the day time too. This time I was aware of disapproving looks as we walked on by hand in hand. These looks came from white, middle-aged European couples. I could tell what they were thinking - she’s half his age (or less) and probably works as a bar lady. He’s an old man paying for her services. The guy was likely secretly jealous and his wife was thinking - my husband would never do that! I told Noi to ignore these ignorant bigots but it was difficult to follow my own advice. I guess I was experiencing at first hand the difficulties of cross cultural dating.

 

Our solution to this discomfort was to go out of the hotel. Noi had another friend who ran a different beauty salon near Phuket Town. We spent our daylight hours there and it was enjoyable to be in the company of local people away from the bigoted tourists. I say people as her friend’s father was a local police officer. Him and I got on famously, despite the language barrier. He was thrilled to learn that I had actually been inside London’s Scotland Yard! It reinforced a view that was starting to take shape. I felt more comfortable with Thai people than I did with bigoted Europeans. I wanted no part of any expat community when I finally left the shores of Britain for the last time.

 

Our days at the luxury hotel came to a close and it was time to visit the ‘real Thailand.’ We flew from Phuket to Don Mueang in Bangkok on a cheap Air Asia flight. On arrival we were met by yet another friend of Noi’s, or rather the daughter of a friend. This friend had a car rental business based at Phitsanulok Airport, some way north of Bangkok. We collected a Toyota Hilux pick-up truck at the Bangkok airport. The daughter and her boyfriend had driven it specially to Don Mueang for our use. Following a cursory check of my drivers’ license and my cash payment, we set off in the busy Bangkok traffic lanes heading for Noi’s home town of Kampheang Phet.

 

I loved the way business was done here. Cash was king! And paperwork was minimal.

 

Have you encountered bigotry in your cross cultural relationship? If so, what were your experiences?

 

Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
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#2016-07-23 14:35:46 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

The bigotry you witness in the SE Asia countries especially can be quite amazing. I have not noticed it as much in China as in Thailand, but I think that is partly because China doesn't have the reputation for such an open sex trade as Thailand does.  On one occasion in Bangkok I witnessed two episodes of bigotry that completely disgusted me.

My Thai date and I went for a nice dinner in a fairly high end Italian Restaurant and were seated next to a group of 3 couples who were dressed up a bit and spoke what I am pretty sure was German, or at least was a Germanic sounding language to me.

And yes I experienced the same dirty looks you mentioned above. Both the males and females seemed to be openly sneering at us. Her for being, in their eyes, a cheap Thai slut, and me for being a dirty old man, is my best guess. Since I couldn't understand more than the odd word of what they were saying I can't be sure, but it felt like they were taking advantage of the language barrier to openly denounce us in safety, but their body language and facial expressions didn't leave much doubt. And there was no question that all 6 of them were reveling in their smug superiority.

We took to ignoring them and left as soon as our meal was done, headed for the bar I mentioned in another comment where the entertainment was always good and the atmosphere both entertaining and fun. About 90 minutes later who should walk in but the male half of the 3 couples we'd had to endure earlier.

Now, with their wives safely out of sight and out of mind, suddenly I was their best friend. They immediately approached our table the moment they noticed us and now one of them spoke to me in pretty good English and the other two tried to spit out a few words too. 

They talked as if my friend was a deaf mute or at least couldn't possibly speak any English, leered at her as if she could only be a hooker, congratulated me for scoring a such good looking one, asked me if I had tried her out yet and then asked me if she could line them up a few of her friends.

I told them she was my wife, that I understood why they would desire someone like her having see the crones they were with earlier, but that she didn't have any friends who would stoop to their level. I then suggested in the one English phrase I know that is universally understood that means they should immediately have sex and travel.

While they sat there a little stunned and seemed to be trying to figure out there next move, my date started waving to a large group of her friends who were over at the bar to come over, which they did. As soon as they arrived she started telling them in Thai what bastards these guys were and what they had been suggesting about her.

Thais are not exactly physically intimidating, but there were about a dozen of them, some men, some women, and they were visibly getting pissed. The three guys decided discretion is the better part of valor and opted for sex and travel as I had suggested.

I grew up in a country that is fairly free of racism. There are pockets of it, but you rarely encounter it in such an obvious demonstration as what I witnessed that night, and I was embarrassed to be the white guy at that moment.

 

#2016-07-24 20:48:10 by paulfox1 @paulfox1

It's not just the bigotry, it's the hypocrisy too. I mentioned in one of my blogs about 3 Muslim couples I saw whilst on holiday in Patong a few years ago. The women were dressed in the usual 'full monty' with only their eyes visible, whilst the guys were wearing shorts and singlets - in the usual Thai humid summer. That night I saw the three guys, each with a beer in one hand and Thai girl's ass in the other - obviously devout Muslims, eh?

What you have both described above has been referred to as a 'natural assumption' on many occasions within my earshot. A western guy with a Thai woman is obviously a business relationship - she's a whore and he's paying......

 

When I hear that phrase spoken, (natural assumption), I really feel the need to rip the speakers throat out with my bare hands. Natural assumption my ass! It's an unfair, stereotypical assumption based on nothing more than reputation, hearsay and learned behaviour. It has no foundation whatsoever!

 

I submit that in both scenarios above, the guys were green with envy and their wives were nothing more than dried-up old bints!

 

Sure, it happens in China too - but as John pointed out, it's arguably not so prevalent due to the somewhat conservative attitude towards the subject of sex - but it exists on a different level.

Western guys are looked upon by Chinese men as being 'women-thieves'. The male population in China is reputedly higher than the female population so there's apparently not enough women to 'go round' as it is, without us guys stealing them away....

Chinese women, on the other hand, are often quite comfortable in the company of western men, although there's always the stigma we have of being 'playboys'.

Therefore, a Chinese woman seen with a western man is likely to be looked upon as being a woman who has (obviously) slept with that man, irrespective of the fact she may not have. Once again, stereotyping takes over.

 

You may find this hard to believe, but I really don't give a rat's-arse what people think about me or what they say behind my back. I do have a conscience however, and I certainly have no problem sleeping at night!

If more people adopted the 'live-and-let-live' approach, then I am sure the world would be a much happier place for us all.....

#2016-07-26 13:19:35 by Barry1 @Barry1


@paulfox1

"Western guys are looked upon by Chinese men as being 'women-thieves'."

 

Interesting comments Paul, but in the year or so that I spent in China I never heard this phrase.  Au contraire, I found most Chinese men were more interested in my 187cm tall height than anything else.

 

I'm not saying you're wrong, but merely saying this is something I never personally experienced. 

 

I will say however, that in general I found most Chinese men were more serious looking than the ladies, but I assumed this was simply because I was a male - things would have been different had I been an attractive Western female, I'm sure. 

 

I found also that both Chinese men and women wanted to take selfie photos with me.  But remember, I spent most of my time in the more rural areas of China where folks were more natural and friendly, away from the frenetic razzamatazz, hustle and bustle of the big cities. (wasntme)

#2016-07-26 13:31:55 by Barry1 @Barry1


@RHendry

"Have you encountered bigotry in your cross cultural relationship? If so, what were your experiences?"

The only bigotry I've experienced Ryan is of the positive sort.  Men have occasionally cast envious looks when I'm with my lady.

Or conversely, some Chinese females have cast envious looks at me when I'm with my lady!   (clap)


#2016-08-01 22:10:52 by RHendry @RHendry

All very interesting comments and some worthy of a blog article in their own right :) I like Paul's attitude of not giving a 'rat's ass.' I wish I could be the same. I am not saying I want to punch some bigot on the nose ... yes, I do! No, seriously, as on observer of people it irritetes me no end witnessing displays of bigotry or even people making the wrong assumptions.But hey ho! That's life as Frank would have said.

I do like the Bangkok stories @JohnAbbot - keep 'em coming. You never know, you may get your own blog spot here :)

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