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John Abbot is co-owner of ChinaLoveMatch.net. Married to a lovely Chinese Lady and living in China, John knows and respects China, Chinese Women, Chinese People and Chinese Culture. His blog will include good stuff about Online Dating, Chinese Women, International Relationships and Things Chinese. Join John Abbot on Google+
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Er Nai, Threesomes – Then What?    

By John Abbot
4218 Views | 7 Comments | 11/25/2012 3:35:22 PM

Is a threesome relationship something that should be allowed on CLM?

As usual with any discussion about what direction the websites should go on any given controversial issue, there was a mixed bag of comments regarding whether or not we should allow members seeking extraordinary types of “heterosexual” long term relationships, such as a concubine style relationship or a threesome style relationship, to register on CLM/ALM. And, if allowed to register, then should they be allowed to publicize on their profiles their unusual preferences, or to only communicate them privately. Clearly we are sites intended to provide Chinese dating or Asian dating to heterosexuals seeking long term relationships of the life partner or marriage variety.

One thing that never ceases to amaze me, is that here, as in other controversial issues, the Western men seem to be more conservative than the Chinese women in their responses. There were no comments by any Asian ladies from ALM, so I’m going to stick to CLM in this discussion.

Generally, but with exceptions, the men seem to be more in favor of limiting the sites’ reason for existing to the stated goal, and not expanding into other more liberal styles of “long term relationships. On the other hand, the Chinese women seemed generally to believe that while such relationships are not for them personally, they saw little reason to curtail such searches by persons who were seeking such relationships.

This general reaction by men vs. women pretty much is the opposite of the position of management and staff and seemingly belies fears held by our female Chinese manager and staff that allowing such profiles might chase away many of our Chinese ladies seriously seeking marriage partners. However, there may be reasons to suspect the reactions of ladies commenting on the blog don’t necessarily reflect the “silent majority” of Chinese ladies on CLM.

For one thing, the ladies reading and commenting on the blogs tend to be among the more educated and liberal of the ladies who comprise the overall membership. But perhaps a stronger reason to believe that generally the women on CLM do not agree with the blog commenting women is the number of written complaints we receive by email from our Chinese ladies when we post any profile that seems to be seeking a relationship outside the boundaries of a life-partner/marriage relationship.

The comments made on the blog about Er Nai and Threesome seekers raised a rather large issue worthy of visiting that involves what CLM/ALM are in terms of what niche they are serving and what should they be. In other words, we are currently niche sites within a larger niche – being sites dedicated exclusively to long term heterosexual relationships of the life-partner/marriage variety, within the larger niches of Chinese dating and Asian dating generally, but should we expand into covering a larger variety of relationships that exist in the broader niches of Chinese and Asian dating generally.

I’ll be responding specifically to member’s comments in the earlier blog tomorrow (Monday in China) and within a day or two I will post about the bigger question mentioned above. Meanwhile, at least temporarily, we will be taking the position that profiles specifying a search for Er Nai or Threesome style relationships, or gay, short term, one night stand or any other types of relationships beyond life-partner, marriage or friend will not be displayed.

This doesn’t prevent someone from seeking an Er Nai or long term threesome relationship, just from posting it on their profile. That may still change depending on what comes out in the next discussion about whether to expand our reach or not.

But just to let you know that we have until now resisted the urge to expand into other types of relationships and it will take a strong push to change our minds. I’ll explain why in my next post.

Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
Comments
(Showing 1 to 7 of 7) 1
#2012-11-25 23:26:31 by anonymous4810 @anonymous4810

John, first of all, I would like to state that you have one of the classiest relationship web sites on the internet. It is such a cut above all the other riff raff sites that are out there. If your web site were to go down the "everything goes" path, it will quickly become a slippery slope and your site will be lumped in along with all the trashy sex sites. Many people, including myself, will leave...looking for greener pastures. I hope you and your web team carefully consider decisions which could potentially change the entire nature and feel of your site. Your site caters to those seeking serious, committed and loving relationships. Don't change that. Just like you do not post user comments which are vulgar or insulting (which makes your site very classy btw), you should not degrade your site by going down that slippery slope.

#2012-11-26 04:14:07 by gaspasser @gaspasser

Having been around for a long time...71 years to be exact...I believe the idea of having more than one woman for love, sex or a wife is a commonly held fantasy that a lot of me, including me have had. But I tried doing that when I was younger, and it did not work out. In fact it led to my first divorce and no doubt had something to do with my second divorce, even tho my second wife told me she had forgiven me, but that she couldn't forget...and therein lies the problem. I have learned, the hard way, that it is almost impossible to give the same amount of sex, love, and caring to more than one woman, and to make more than one woman feel special, which is what most women want I believe more than anything. They do not want to be considered like other women...they want to be thought of as very special and unique, and that their man cares more about them than any other woman. Since discovering that, even though at times I have seen more than one woman I would like to be with and have a relationship with, I know in my heart that it is not possible without hurting someone, and I do not want to do that anymore. Even though 99% of the women I have been with have left me first, the 1% that I hurt by leaving first hurt me more than the 99% who left me. Just because I am older now, doesn't mean I do not fantasize about having more than one woman, but I am also wiser, and I know without a doubt that I cannot have more than one woman at a time.

#2012-11-26 16:20:17 by flyingangela618 @flyingangela618

hehe... gaspasser,you told everyone one to one is the best choice for sex relationship from your years experience.

About this subject,we can also learn from human beings history,at least Chinese history. If one to one was not the outcome of society development, we must now, still live in the past sex relationship,HAHA...

It seems the website can't wait to collect money? Joking.....

#2012-11-27 12:24:26 by anonymous4836 @anonymous4836

还用问吗?当然要收费,天下哪有免费的午餐?

#2012-11-27 20:08:25 by flyingangela618 @flyingangela618

So, for more money, here will be a trading platform for sex and money, ha? Use your head-anonymous? staff member?, here could do better if planting the area deeply, but not capture more territories...

#2012-11-29 20:32:54 by Jessie0801 @Jessie0801

I like how CLM works today...please don't change it...
And Gaspasser, thanks for sharing your experience, I think you are very brave to tell people,especially women here how men think....and that's correct. Men always dream about more than one women,no matter how old and what relationship he is in. The only thing can keep him behave himself is responsibility.and men who are mature would know what he should devote to.

#2012-12-05 17:28:36 by anonymous4894 @anonymous4894

你没看出来吗?john是这里洋总管,呵呵,,,我只是这里的普通会员,,,

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