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Georg Vilefort first lived in Hong Kong in 2006. He has now been living in China since early 2009, first in Nanjing and now in Dalian. Georg comes from a background in Engineering and Public Health but is currently teaching English while exploring and appreciating China. Georg has traveled extensively in China and is also exploring a new relationship with a Chinese lady.
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Does Yaunfen (緣分) have any parallels in the west? (Part3): An Update    

By Georg Vilefort
2720 Views | 1 Comments | 5/23/2010 10:35:45 PM
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For those of you reading this from the Americas, you may not understand the culture here in China, but you may have experienced similar things. On my day off during the week, Gwynne picked me up at my apartment and told me that she wanted me to meet her best girlfriend. You all know what this means. She is getting her girlfriend to check you out, to see if her best friend thinks you are suitable for her. This is her crucial second opinion.

This girlfriend is a bit different, because here in China, many people's closest friends are people they have known since primary/grade school or middle school or high school; they have known each other a very long time and likely know things about each other that you may never know, even if you are married to her. We went to dinner and at the end of the evening, I found out about the verdict. I had passed muster; her girlfriend found me attractive and thought I was handsome too. Gwynne is now much more confident about telling her family about us and is no longer concerned that we might be seen together by her coworkers.

I should probably explain about "face" at this point. You can better understand it if you consider it in terms of personal embarrassment. Gwynne is less concerned now about embarrassment if people she knows or works with, happen to see us together. In the west, people generally mind their own business, but in China, people you do not know will bluntly ask you if the person you are with is your, husband, boyfriend, wife, or girlfriend. If you are a foreigner and they do not know you, they will not ask you directly, but they will ask your girlfriend or wife if she happens to be Chinese. So avoiding embarrassment (saving face) at all costs is a priority. If you are planning to be married, support her and make sure she knows that it is fine if she tells these nosy people that you are her husband; it will help her save face and she will love you the more for it.

If you are planning to be married, do not be surprised if she begins to call you her husband. Be happy, because the woman that you love has accepted the idea that the two of you can or will be husband and wife; it is very likely she will begin to act like a wife too. Enjoy it because she is not checking up on you or what you are doing, she loves you and she is trying to show she cares about you. If you have been around American women all your life, this genuine caring for you can be difficult to understand and get used to. In addition, you really have to be bad (you know what I mean) for your Chinese girlfriend or wife not to understand you for being a man.

Let me give you an example. The other evening two of my coworkers and I went out after work for a few beers. Gwynne was expecting me to call her when I got home, so I let her know that I would not be home for about an hour, told her where I was going, and what I was doing. You do not need to make up a story with your Chinese girlfriend or wife; tell her the truth. She sent me a text message telling me to have fun with my coworkers and call her when I got home. After about an hour, I sent her a text message that I was going to be later than I initially thought and that she should go to bed if she was tired. She texted me back telling me she would wait until 11PM for me to call her and she again told me to have fun. I got home about 10:50PM, sent her a text message and we spent the next 30 minutes in an online video call talking (we live in the same city but we do not live together). She never once mentioned that I had been over due or that I was late. All she said to me was she was glad she could talk to me before she went to sleep. What do you think would have happened if you were seeing an American woman? How long would you be "paying" for those few beers you had with your coworkers?

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#2010-07-24 10:12:14 by jeannet @jeannet

Congratulation,you found your yuanfen.

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