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Georg Vilefort first lived in Hong Kong in 2006. He has now been living in China since early 2009, first in Nanjing and now in Dalian. Georg comes from a background in Engineering and Public Health but is currently teaching English while exploring and appreciating China. Georg has traveled extensively in China and is also exploring a new relationship with a Chinese lady.
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Does Yaunfen (緣分) have any parallels in the west? (Part3): A continuing discussion of cross-cultural relationships with Chinese women    

By Georg Vilefort
3474 Views | 1 Comments | 5/22/2010 11:17:39 PM
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As I have mentioned before, I am a client of CLM. I have chosen to make my profile invisible because I am in a serious relationship with a beautiful Chinese woman I will call, Gwynne, whom I met here at CLM. When I came to China more than a year ago, I came with the express purpose of building a relationship with a woman I met through another agency. After being together for a year, we decided that we were not a very good match. It was a gradual realization. Language was not the barrier and I sincerely believe that the mismatch was because she was unable to accept what I wanted to share with her; my interests are diverse.

I can say with all honesty and conviction that yuanfen is the contributing factor to the relationship I have with Gwynne. At first, I tried to rationalize what was happening, but then I 'had a change of heart'. For once, I decided to go with it and this new path has made all the difference. Because of some language difficulties, Gwynne and I spend more time making sure we both understand each other. Even though I am experienced teaching English to Chinese people I forget that I need to slow down and speak much more slowly. Many Chinese can read English quite well, but their experience in listening and speaking is very limited. Most learn English from Chinese teachers that cannot speak the language. In addition, not all English words have the same meaning in Chinese so translation may not have the same meaning; the interpretation is different. Translation and interpretation is not the same thing. Gwynne tells me that her English understanding is poor because she is not and has not been in an English-speaking environment.

When you consider all of the beautiful Chinese women on CLM, it is like being in a candy store and you want to try all the flavors. So why did I choose Gwynne? That is a good question and I am not sure it has a simple answer. Gwynne did not have any pictures posted and none that were password protected. It was really a mutual choosing. I wrote to her because she kept visiting my profile and she never wrote to me. I also liked what I read about her in her profile. I was intrigued to find out who this woman was that said she was beautiful but did not post any pictures. I thought that maybe she was a "Diamond in the Rough" as is mentioned on the ChinaLoveMatch Search page. The primary thing that kept her from contacting me was my height, i.e. our height difference is 32cm.

We initially met through the CLM website, but I did not know what she looked like. Since I teach English in Dalian, we met unexpectedly where I work and it was only after we met for our first planned meeting that I realized we met already. Some teachers make a point of checking out the students but I take some pride in the fact that I can keep my professional life separate from my personal life. I am the teacher and they are the students, even when our ages are not so very far apart. When I met Gwynne for the first time where I work the reaction I felt was very much different than what I have ever experienced before. When we talked for the first time, I felt drawn to her and she told me later she felt the same thing. When I got a break, I went for a cup of coffee and she came with me. I was walking behind her and I couldn't help but notice that she looked nice, well, hot is a better description; a very petite beautiful Chinese woman with curves in all the right places. I am thinking to myself, "no she is a student", so I try to get the thought out of my head. We talked for the entire hour of my break, she felt like an old friend, like someone you have not seen for a while, and you meet again. We discovered we had many things in common during that hour and student or not I knew I wanted to see her again, but I decided against saying anything. I thought to myself, "I meet someone I really hit it off with and she has to be a student at my school".

Three days later, we meet for our date from the website. It was when she walked up to me that I realized Gwynne was the person from CLM. She laughed when she saw my surprised look, then told me that she knew who I was when we first met but she decided against saying anything because I was at work and she had been told that teachers and students do not fraternize. We talked about our meeting a few days before, what we both felt, and why we got along so well. I asked her what she thought of it. As she smiled, she said in reply to my question, yuánfèn. She decided not to take English lessons at the school where I teach and I have become her private teacher.

Now some would say - just coincidence, chance meeting. I say to you the reader; of all the people, I could have met that very first day why did I meet her and in those circumstances? Looking back, I think we were destined to meet and that road to destiny was started when we made the original plans to meet. Destiny just hurried it along by a few days. Since then, we have discovered how much we enjoy being with each other as well as how many more things we truly have in common. The next time we met she picked me up in her car and took me to her house for a home-cooked meal where we made jiǎozi(dumplings) together.

This past weekend she told me the time is coming when she is going to tell her family about us and she needed to know other things about me that her parents will surely ask her. Therefore, we talked at length about our money, our debts, and other things that Chinese parents would be concerned with for their daughter. For those of you that have not had this experience it is quite common in Asia. I was forewarned by my two best Chinese female and male friends in Nanjing that I should expect this at anytime, which is a sure sign that she is serious. They confirmed that she is preparing ammunition to counter any argument her parents might have against having a foreign son-in-law. Now, the only thing she is concerned about is her son accepting me, and our becoming friends. I have suggested to her that she let me take over as his English tutor.

Gwynne and I agree that her son needs to have some fun while learning, instead of the constant studying that characterizes Chinese children's lives. Maybe that is how we can become friends. I will update you on my life altering adventure with this wonderful Chinese woman. Yes, we truly do love and care about our future together.

Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
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#2010-05-23 09:47:57 by abi513 @abi513

A very nice story! Call it Fate or Will of God, it really doesn’t matter. Maybe this is what makes life so interesting is the mystery in how such things happen. I especially admire your ethics with regard to turning a blind eye to any relationships with students. It is an absolute “No No” in my book and I have the highest disdain for anyone who uses an academic environment to be their personal “Happy hunting grounds” for young girls, or boys for that matter. I would submit, however before a Chinese woman-Western man cross-cultural relationship develops too far, the woman have a clear understanding with respect to her parents and family’s acceptance or tolerance of such relationships to avoid big problems later.

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