Chinese Women, Asian Women, Online Dating & Things Chinese and Asian
Georg Vilefort first lived in Hong Kong in 2006. He has now been living in China since early 2009, first in Nanjing and now in Dalian. Georg comes from a background in Engineering and Public Health but is currently teaching English while exploring and appreciating China. Georg has traveled extensively in China and is also exploring a new relationship with a Chinese lady.
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Does Yaunfen (緣分) Have Any Parallels in the West?    

By Georg Vilefort
3873 Views | 6 Comments | 5/14/2010 1:10:38 PM

Hello, my name is Georg Vilefort. Like many here, I am also a client of CLM. I will be blogging on any number of subjects, but I think the one that is most interesting to readers is that of relationships between adults from different cultures. I am fortunate to have been able to travel to many cities, historical and famous scenic areas in China, and I have discovered that the Chinese, for the most part, are not unlike Americans; they are fascinated with all things American.

I think one of the things that is hard to envision for people that have never been to China or Asia is that China is not as it has been portrayed in the western media. China is not a backward nor is it a Third World country. One other important observation is that America is not the center of the world for people that do not live there.

My first blog entry is an expansion of a subject that Peter Vernezze and Cao Hui recently explored. I will try to shed some additional light on the subject regarding western beliefs, Chinese beliefs as explained to me by my Chinese girlfriend and other Chinese friends, and my life experiences.

Now, what does yuanfen mean? A close translation to English is fate or the chance encounter that brings people together; a predestined affinity or relationship and from Buddhism, destiny. If you consult the Encarta English Dictionary for North America, destiny has three definitions, all related. The first is "the apparently predetermined and inevitable series of events that happen to somebody or something", then "the inner purpose of a life that can be discovered and realized", and finally, "a force or agency that predetermines what will happen". Most of us in the west probably feel that because we have free will, believing in a preordained future or predetermination is a ludicrous notion.

Consider this, if you truly have free will to choose your path, then choosing a particular fork in the path will lead to an inevitable series of events that in retrospect seem to be an orderly series of events, not random events. A study of history shows this to be true. Remember the saying, "Those that do not learn from history are bound to repeat it". Everyone reading this has experienced "the inevitable series of events" in our lives caused by a random choice that we make. Why should it be so hard to believe then that exercising our free will can cause us to set into motion a series of events that can only be described as inevitable?

Quoting the renowned poet Robert Frost from Road Not Taken,

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
two roads diverged in a wood, and I --
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
(Copyright © 1962, 1967, 1970
by Leslie Frost Ballantine)

By using CLM, you are subscribing to the notion of yuanfen. You are searching for the one woman or man that will complete you and no matter how you try to rationalize it you will inevitably be attracted to someone for an unexplainable reason. It is true to some extent that those most compatible seem to have many things in common, but not always. Being open to each other's interests and willing to share those interests can set up commonalities that did not exist before you met. From my limited experience with Chinese women, this characteristic of wanting to share and become a part of your life and interests seems to be more common here than I found when I lived in America. In the second part, I will expand on this concept and illustrate from my own experiences.

Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
(Showing 1 to 6 of 6) 1
#2010-05-13 18:34:14 by karenchen @karenchen

I trust Yaunfen.Maybe most of Chinese believe it.

#2010-05-13 19:33:37 by gracefan @gracefan

In my opinion,Similar interesting,think alike and would like to share mutual life,it is "Yaunfen (緣分)"!
one day you meet a man(woman),if you find that you and he(she) can be very easy to get along with and you feel happy and relax,maybe you have met your "Mr.(Miss)Right",your "Yaunfen (緣分)",hehe....^-^

#2010-05-14 10:25:09 by yan0411 @yan0411

yuanfen is a pretence sometimes。 everyone is known the true love is less and less。if you want to be happy, you have to work hard。 the true love is the same as your work。 maybe work hard, at last you lost the man or the woman。chinese word is “wu nai”。无奈。

#2010-05-14 23:23:51 by 212lady @212lady

what is yuanfen(缘份)?that I meet you at the right time, you and I feel the right!There is no sense of distance between each other and enjoy each other.....

#2010-05-17 10:36:35 by rosey99 @rosey99

only yuanfen(缘分) not enough but most important.相爱容易相处难。

#2010-05-18 02:35:02 by goldsilhair99 @goldsilhair99

To yan0411. Everyone does not know or believe that true love is less and less. If you want to be happy you need to work at the things that bring the two of you closer when you are in a relationship. Working hard does not guarantee success if you are working on the wrong things. It should not be hard work but it should be work that you enjoy. Your work is generally done to get something. Love is the opposite; you give because you can, not because you expect to get something in return. If you give to get, then it isn't love. If this is the approach one takes then expect to loose, because that is what one is expecting. What you believe is what you get. The phrase is Wúkěnàihé 无可奈何 No alternative/no way out.

(Showing 1 to 6 of 6) 1
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