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Melcyan is a Water Dragon. He is also a retired Chemistry teacher and a lifelong learner. He met his Chinese partner for the first time in 2007 while ballroom dancing in Australia. Their relationship started in 2010 and they have been together ever since. His focus on CLM has been to learn more about the implications of his life-partner's culture and language for building a lifelong loving relationship.
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Decluttering Is All About Love Part 1    

By Melcyan
1098 Views | 28 Comments | 2/22/2019 2:00:32 PM
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(Showing 21 to 28 of 28) Previous 1 2 3
#2019-02-28 12:45:43 by melcyan @melcyan

@newbeginning " It seems the Government is causing them to be afraid of participating in social media blogs for fear of reprisal from said government. " Do you think that this would include anonymous comments?

"What ever happened to the old addage "love a person for who they are, not what you wish they were"

My partner and I both strive to be better people both for ourselves and each other. We have both changed for the better over the last 8.5 years since we have been together. My partner will love me regardless of whether I declutter or not. However, if I achieve what she previously believed was impossible her happiness will go through the roof.

 

#2019-02-28 13:07:23 by melcyan @melcyan

@oldghost I have learned to not hate what my partner loves. I hate country and western music but my partner likes it. Solution - I learned how to sing "Your man" by Josh Turner - my partner loves it. Deng Lijun? I sang "月亮代表我的心" to my partner on her 60th birthday - she loved it. My partner likes Kenny G. That is difficult. I try to steer her towards Acker Bilk. She now likes Acker Bilk better than Kenny G.

#2019-03-03 00:58:34 by newbeginning @newbeginning

@melcyan My partner will love me regardless of whether I declutter or not  very important statement.

The said government could quite easily find out who the anon posters are if they want assuming they choose to continue forward with their coldwar mentality.

As usual it is the goverments and their respective militaries that are at fault not the general populations.

Question to the readers of this blog: superstitions are in every culture. I do the touch wood and I avoid stepping on the the gaps in sidewalks. I have done this since I was knee high to a grasshopper. What do you people do that is superstitious?

Oh yah, dont mention ghosts to Chinese people.

 

NB

#2019-03-10 23:47:17 by sandy339 @sandy339

LOL, HI Melcyan congrats for your first formal blog!! I am  procrastinated too. I give me excuse by explaining I have more important things to do. Yes it is very true, I need to improve it too. 

#2019-03-12 13:59:25 by melcyan @melcyan

@sandy339

Thanks, Sandy. You made my day. I have been very busy decluttering today and there have been several frustrating moments. However, right now, I am relaxing, sitting at the computer, reading your comment, on a beautiful day with the window open, birds singing and the sun shining. What could make it better? A new blog from @sandy339?

#2019-04-01 13:09:27 by melcyan @melcyan

@John Abbot

 

With your opening comment on this blog you said” I am certain that you'll learn a lot about how to make sacrifices to earn the love of the woman in your life, whether that is decluttering or being more economically responsible or stopping a habit of excessive drinking or any other of a myriad of behaviours that may be preventing you from being the man your Chinese or Asian woman deserves.

 

Your comment was prophetic for me. In facing my declutter problem head on I reached a point where I was able to escape a “stuck” space and enter a “free” space. The last time my partner and I went away for a short holiday was in 2016, nearly 6 months after my partner’s mother broke her hip and her mother has needed a higher level of care ever since. I have tried many, many times to get away again on a short trip ever since but every attempt failed. My reasoning that time my partner spends on weekends with me can be used any way we want always fell on deaf ears. She felt that she had to be on call for her mother just in case her older and frailer sister had problems looking after their mother.

 

My partner often worries that I spend too much time on the internet. My time on CLM is considered wasted time. Last week she rang and asked me what I was doing. I gave her a joke answer. I said I had just found a place on Airbnb that looked great for us to use on Saturday. I don’t know why but I got an unexpected response from her (maybe the decluttering had changed things?). She was excited. How much? Where? I hadn’t really done anything but I told her that it was a good place, it was cheap but had to join Airbnb first and by that time the place could be gone.

 

In retrospect, I realize that I was using modern sales techniques on my partner unconsciously.

- It was a bargain

-Available for a limited time only

-No certainty the offer will be approved

 

My partner responded to this uncertainty by saying she trusted me to choose well and left everything in my hands. I joined Airbnb and I found a suitable place and we had a great time away – totally unexpected. Did the decluttering make the difference? I don’t know. However, I do know that I now see life differently when viewed from a more decluttered perspective.

#2019-04-03 11:55:47 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

@melcyan - I am delighted that you had a great vacation with your partner. I'm also much convinced that the decluttering had a great deal to do with that. If it wasn't that it had to be some other change in your behaviour that pleased her greatly and helped confirm to her that you love and respect her. In my experience changing our behaviour in ways that pleases our Chinese women mates will always give them security in our rleationships that leads to changes in their own behaviour that pleases us.

That doesn't mean that every behaviour that causes her concerns must be changed, but if you look at all such behaviours and realize that some of them are not healthy behaviours and she is right to be concerned, then why not change them for your own good and for the good of your relationship. It seems to me that is exactly what you did.

This brings us back to Peter's articles about "Chinese Love Languages" in which he points out that the #1 means of telling your Chinese woman you love her is through "Acts of Service". You and I have learned about this, and hopefully now some of your readers have also learned about it. Your decluttering of your home was a clear act of service to your Chinese partner and she clearly received it as a strong message of your love, much to your benefit.

Cheers to you on that(d)(d)

#2019-04-06 08:31:28 by melcyan @melcyan

 @JohnAbbot

 

The most important point ever made on CLM. Your last comment contains it.

 

the #1 means of telling your Chinese woman you love her is through "Acts of Service".

 

John, you and I are both flawed human beings but we have managed to get some things right. Self- love, self- respect and respect for others we share in common. They are a great starting point for relationship building and without them, you have zero chance of long term success. However, they are not enough to win the genuine love of an amazing Chinese woman. Travelling very different paths we have both learnt the most important CLM relationship lesson, that “Acts of Service” are absolutely vital to the achievement of a lifelong loving relationship with a Chinese woman.

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