Chinese Women, Asian Women, Online Dating & Things Chinese and Asian
Melcyan is a Water Dragon. He is also a retired Chemistry teacher and a lifelong learner. He met his Chinese partner for the first time in 2007 while ballroom dancing in Australia. Their relationship started in 2010 and they have been together ever since. His focus on CLM has been to learn more about the implications of his life-partner's culture and language for building a lifelong loving relationship.
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Decluttering Is All About Love Part 1    

By Melcyan
2038 Views | 28 Comments | 2/22/2019 2:00:32 PM

I am decluttering for the love of my Chinese woman.

Decluttering is all about love. Great love is all about presence. Being present is a 24 hour a day activity.

I have lived a cluttered life for the last 50 years. However, I know what love is and I know what presence is. Until quite recently my Chinese partner believed that I could never escape the world of clutter. To her, I was born messy and I would remain messy until the day I died.

Two weeks ago I showed my partner my socks and underwear drawer. This was a first for me. This is normally a site that I would hide. My partner went into raptures. The contents of the drawer were uniformly folded and perfectly ordered – “Marie Kondo” style.

For those who are unaware, Marie Kondo is a decluttering expert. Here is a very brief summary of her approach to decluttering.

Step 1. Commit yourself to tidying up

Step 2. Imagine your ideal lifestyle

Step 3. Finish discarding first

Step 4. Tidy by category, not by location

Step 5. Follow the right order (clothes, books, paper, miscellaneous items, sentimental items)

Step 6. Ask yourself, “Does it spark joy?”

I bought her book on decluttering years ago. I read it but I failed to follow up with action. It is her recent Netflix series on decluttering that finally moved me to action. I am not alone. The series has become a Netflix sensation.

A week ago my partner went into raptures again when she entered my lounge room and saw it completely transformed and clutter free. Ironically most of the changes in the lounge had already been suggested to me by my partner over many years. The changes only involved moving furniture. cleaning, putting up new blinds and removing items that did not belong. Sounds simple but it took 8 years for me to finally make the change.

I cannot remember who started influencing me first – Marie Kondo or Tom Rath? Tom Rath wrote the book “Eat, Move, Sleep”. Both writers are drawing me into the present moment, 24 hours a day. How I see everyday food and drink and engage food and drink has changed. How I exercise, sit, stand and lie down has changed. The way I see my possessions and my house has changed. Hardest of all, I am slowly changing the way I sleep.

All my past attempts at decluttering have failed. My current attempt feels very different. I have decided to blog about my progress here on CLM over the next few months. I am uncertain about how exactly my life will change and how my partner will respond. No matter what the outcome, we will all find out together.

Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
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#2019-02-22 14:00:11 by melcyan @melcyan

Melcyan never ceases to surprise. I would not have imagined someone writing a blog about decluttering, let alone a blog series about decluttering. In fact, until I read this I had never heard of decluttering.

However, I am a person who is endlessly guilty of cluttering every space I enter and it is no small issue between myself and my Chinese wife. So I will watch this series unfold with some real interest. Maybe I'll even learn something of value from it and learn not to clutter.

But for the rest of you, knowing Melcyan as I do, you'd be well advised to follow this series whether or not you are interested in decluttering. Because I am certain that you'll learn a lot about how to make sacrifices to earn the love of the woman in your life, whether that is decluttering or being more economically responsible or stopping a habit of excessive drinking or any other of a myriad of behaviours that may be preventing you from being the man your Chinese or Asian woman deserves.

So tune in guys. Melcyan is CLM and ALM's relationship expert and well worth listening to.

#2019-02-22 21:27:20 by melcyan @melcyan

 @JohnAbbot Thanks for your kind words. Clutter is definitely my Achilles heel. Whenever I have an important project to complete, I put all my attention into completing the project. My last major project had to be completed last Thursday. I only just made the deadline but for that one last manic day my procedures for keeping my lounge room tidy completely collapsed.


At the end of the day, I was dead tired and I just wanted to leave fixing that messy room until the next day. My partner would never do this. She always has everything clean and tidy before she goes to bed.


I forced myself to clean up. While the room looked really bad, it only took me 20 minutes to clean up. I went to sleep pleased that I made that effort despite being very tired. I was even more pleased in the morning to walk through a clean and tidy room.


I tend to work like a hare, doing intensive last-minute manic work on the day of the deadline. My partner works like a tortoise. She works slowly, steadily and nearly always completes her tasks well ahead of schedule.


With hindsight, I can see that cleaning and tidying are not dispensible and just as important as meeting a major project deadline. Delayed cleaning and tidying eventually grow into a problem that becomes too large for me to address properly.

#2019-02-22 21:56:43 by oldghost @oldghost


Self-referential and self-praise to boot! haha

#2019-02-23 00:52:05 by melcyan @melcyan

@oldghost  Thanks for the laugh. I needed that. John's words made me feel a little uncomfortable. Now all the discomfort has gone. Thank you!


@JohnAbbot This gremlin in the system that occasionally results in your first comment being posted as "blogger@blogger" needs some attention.

#2019-02-25 18:55:04 by oldghost @oldghost

Wife number #2 was an incorrigible collector - the bookshelves stacked with IBM manuals from the 70's and 80's, and the boxes and wrappings of every child's toy we had ever bought stuffed one inside another like matryoshka dolls.  I had to move out before I ended up stuffed inside my own skin.  I'll bet she still has the IBM manuals!

#2019-02-26 12:03:36 by melcyan @melcyan

@oldghost - your blog is coming. I am sorry for the delay, but I do hope to have the first one up tomorrow.

 @melcyan - went a little overboard with praise, did I?(wasntme)

#2019-02-26 12:10:53 by melcyan @melcyan

@melcyan - I suddenly see what you were referring to in your recent comment. My comment on your blog above that appears to be by you, happened not because of a gremlin or poltergeist, but because I was logged in as you in order to post the blog, but forgot to log out as you and in as me in order to comment on the blog. And now I am unsure of how to correct it. I will try to get our web developer to sort it out in the coming days.

#2019-02-26 12:53:53 by melcyan @melcyan

 @oldghost. I am the real melcyan. You said “I had to move out before I ended up stuffed inside my own skin. “ My partner has not abandoned me because of my clutter but the true test will come when her mother dies.  

#2019-02-26 12:59:45 by melcyan @melcyan

 @ all CLM female members, I want to hear about your reaction to clutter. When I am with my partner 24/7 I do not have the option of cluttering. However, I think I should not rely on my partner to solve my problem with clutter. I really need to solve my clutter problem myself and definitely within the next few months.


Following my initial success with decluttering my partner has become more demanding. I had a party at my place last Sunday but my partner made her participation and help with the party conditional on me being ready at least 24 hours before the party was due to start. I made her deadline but it nearly killed me. I slept well that night and for the first time at one of my parties I was wide awake and not fuelled by adrenalin. Everyone at the party was impressed with the improvement in my house – less clutter and the fact that I was a wide-awake host (first time ever).


How would you respond to a partner who lived in a cluttered house?

#2019-02-26 13:46:04 by oldghost @oldghost



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