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Born and raised in Maryland, USA, and attended the University of Maryland, but now living in Pennsylvania, RTByrum is an author and publisher of 9 books but does not make a living at it. His places traveled include Britain and China. His past marriage was to a Chinese woman for 3 years. He since claims to have found the secret to happiness and hopes to share that happiness with someone special, and through his blogs, perhaps also with you.
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Dating Chinese Women: The Whirlwind Romance    

By RWByrum
1528 Views | 22 Comments | 4/10/2018 12:24:57 PM
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#2018-04-17 04:32:59 by RWByrum @RWByrum


@melcyan

Fair enough.  Now everything makes a great deal more sense.

#2018-04-20 19:27:21 by sandy339 @sandy339


@RWByrum Hi Roger I don't know what to say. I always feel so sorry for the decent western men who met some women only for green cards and also feel sorry for the women who are cheated and played by some western men. 

If you ever read one of Paul's blogs, you might find out a lot of Chinese women sincerely expressed their true thoughts on interculture marriage expections: green cards + love. (sound too ideal to be true?) But I really think so. You guys don't need a second thought or suspect on it, green card is true, but LOVE and RESPECT and UNDERSTANDING are strongly expected too. I think we should think beyond that. 

I ever talked with a guy there, he said some Chinese women he ever talked or dated don't want to leave China, you see people are different. What I learnd from my searching before is the law of large numbers:D and then finally settled down. Only in this way, you are not necessorily doomed to failture only by sheer bad luck. And it proves so right, and I am so happy and peaceful with my partner now.:) Good Luck to you!

 

#2018-04-21 22:45:31 by RWByrum @RWByrum


@sandy339

I don't think that there is anything at all unusual about someone having multiple motives for doing something as important as getting married.  I also don't think that ulterior motives are necessarily a problem as long as conflicts of interest don't develop.  Thanks for the well-wishes Sandy, but it would appear that my luck has run out.

#2018-04-22 01:34:06 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

RWByrum - I am not forgetting that I promised a more detailed comment on this blog, and also responses to some comments by others, but I am writing a blog myself which I hope will tie in to all of them, and which I will link to from a comment here when it is posted. 

#2018-04-22 08:59:04 by sandy339 @sandy339


@RWByrum  I watched an interview recently, a guy shared his value of world: happiness is only a means not an end, which is so enlighted to me, we all want to be satified or happy, what if we use happiness as an a means, rather then an end, we could be much happier in every stage of our life?  Yang Jiang, a very famous writer and scholar, lived alone for so many year at her late life, and did her own research busily, what I want to say is in my life I want to be self satified    not much depend on others. They are just a plus. Hope it can give you some reference. Oh, you know, I am so grateful that I live past 40, so many women and men died before 40, I thank God for that, I really mean it. 

#2018-04-23 14:16:34 by RWByrum @RWByrum


@sandy339

I agree with that guy.  Many people have happiness as their goal in life but they very rarely ever achieve it.  People often think that they can achieve happiness through satisfaction but I think that this is a mistaken belief.  True satisfaction comes from achieving happiness, not the other way around.

#2018-04-24 17:10:26 by annielaw2017 @annielaw2017

@RWByrum

I agree with you! I dont think many of Chinese women were desperate to get out to China,20 or 30 years ago, maybe, but not now.

Many Chinese members of CLM exchange thoughts on Forum, they are very mature regarding to relationship and marriage. For myself,honestly I hope my future husband live in China with me. Or half time in China and half time in his country.

I also dont agree many Chinese date foreign men for money, after many years economy booming in China, there are many very rich men in China too,enough rich men for those money digger who even don't need learn foreign language.

Many Chinese members like me, like @sandy339 said, we are searching for something many Chinese men failed to give:love, respect and understanding.

#2018-04-25 13:34:12 by RWByrum @RWByrum

@annielaw2017

I treat everyone as an individual and try to avoid making any assumptions about them.  I would expect that whether a woman wanted to move out of China or remain would depend on how successful she has been in China.  Most of the ladies on CLM will not disclose their income but some of the ones who do are obviously doing very well for themselves.  I'd certainly be willing to move to China for the right woman.

#2018-05-09 10:21:43 by RobertB @RobertB

Actually I think that there are at least three areas of life that in fact cross over between man and woman. That is sex, everyday life, spiritual side to it. 

Sex it also the ability to dominate and be submissive or passive. This is like general ability to work with your energies of sorts.

Every day life is ability to decide on dinner to cook to clean to exercise and so on.. Many little things. Then we have the spiritual side that is the ability to understand on deeper level and this in some ways may lead you to understand what your job or business should be and may have effect on your momey and position. 

As to how much it is sexual or spiritual or physical and mental I do not know because in every activity we need to use our whole being so to speak. 

Yet I think that one cannot neglect too much any of the sides. 

All of them are important. 

By the way Iam impressed for some reason by Paul and should say that every body's experience is somewhat different.

I for that matter was not always able to have many girlfriends because I was in some ways too blocked and also too focused on chasing my dreams maybe and not really ready to embrace sex too much. Sex sometimes is really good but sometimes may make a person feel that some magic is taken away. 

Although there are moments when precisely sex is responsible for bringing that magic into life.So that is why it is not that simple after all. 

I just recently sort of understood that men desire to have control over woman over short time and woman over longer time. This creates tension and sometimes is not really good because man may lose interest fast in woman. 

On the other hand woman may have a long control over man and this can tire him. You know.. taking him shopping for example. Or something else he not necessarily enjoys but needs to do. 

So, it is possible to say that for this reason woman may want to give more frequent although short term satisfaction to man so she can keep him over longer period.This is maybe little primitve way but relatively effective and not taxing for her so she can do it. Some other ways though include better cooperation between them both and this requires far closer emotional intellectual and spiritual bond.. Not to say that replaces sex. It is just also different form of sex. Even nice word or touching a hand is form of communication and if between lovers it is form of sex. 

It is maybe a bit not perfect on my side but I just try and if I am not right then please understand that I am always learning. 

#2018-05-09 16:41:10 by RobertB @RobertB

Just trying to add a little to the discussion. 

Paul you mentioned that some women in China were willing to do anything to get out of China. To me it is slightly surprising but given the number of people in China it is obvious. There will always be some people who will want to move out of any country and when you have such a large population then again. Also the fact that you meet women on Western dating site creates a bottleneck in the sense that most those trying to move out will come here. 

Despite that or along with that, I want to say that it was quite making me think not just on this site but on other sites, some women would start first extolling themselves in terms of ability and work and business and then be willing to relocat to a strange country whose language they barely grasp, where they have no real business or similar base and so on. 

Actually I know someone, she is a friend of mine I met on QQ once and she told me that she had been even married to an American, although nothing really has been connecting them. 

It was very interesting to watch her life because I have known her for some years now and all the time she has been married. For four years though she lived in China and he lived in the USA and they did not visit each other. 

She was nearly desparate because nothing was happening. 

Eventually my friend showed me a visa application all in Chinese and she asked me what to do. I was worried because I did not know if it was safe for her to go to foreign country. Still eventually she said, she had a very strong sense of duty so to speak. Later on just about a year ago when I talked to her on QQ which we talk now and then, she was complaining that she got there. Her husband was ignoring her, she could not speak English, had no job and was just staying in the house cooking and cleaning. 

Still there was no way for her to go back apparently. 

As recently as maybe two months ago I had with her an English session and I found out that she has progressed from about 0.01 English to when she remembers some words and is able to pronounce them correctly. 

I cannot teach her regularly and even less regularly we talk, just maybe 3 to 4 times a year but it was a shocking thing to me because I still do not always understand how one can leave reasonable place and work and go somewhere where even the person you are supposed to be married to you is not really interested in you. 

I happened to receive in the past some letters presumably real but possibly fake by women doing really well in companies or even banks and trying to leave all that for not sure future somewhere far away .. 

So, I think that yes I understand why some people want to move West. Refugees first of all but also some people who are genuinely interested in having experience in those countries, maybe trying to learn some Western ways for interests sake or for business but it is not easy to comprehend all those possible cases. 

So, I do not want to be bad here but yes I wonder why reasonable women in China sometimes behave in a way that does not seem to support that first thesis. (That they are reasonable). ::))

Although I admit that there are occasions when people just try to scam others and use false information. So the problem is real rather and ongoing. We need to be careful not to make mistakes solely because we want to not waste time in pairing up with someone who can make our life better, more meaningful and joyful. 

Women can be afraid that men can use them for sex and men can be afraid that women can use them for improving their status (like residence or financial) make the whole activity of cooperation rather less than trustworthy. 

I just do not want to be vulgar that is why I use this pseudo legal or diplomatic language. crypto language but you know what I mean. 

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