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Born and raised in Maryland, USA, and attended the University of Maryland, but now living in Pennsylvania, RTByrum is an author and publisher of 9 books but does not make a living at it. His places traveled include Britain and China. His past marriage was to a Chinese woman for 3 years. He since claims to have found the secret to happiness and hopes to share that happiness with someone special, and through his blogs, perhaps also with you.
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Dating Chinese Women: My Ideal Match, Part 2    

By RWByrum
2935 Views | 31 Comments | 12/21/2017 2:53:47 PM
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(Showing 11 to 20 of 31) Previous 1 2 3 4 More...
#2017-12-24 06:36:17 by RWByrum @RWByrum


@paulfox1  I would imagine that they are a great advance over the inflatable dolls.

#2017-12-24 06:43:59 by RWByrum @RWByrum


@paulfox1  "1. They ALL have black hair - get over it !"  Exactly!

                " 2. They ALL want a kid - get over it.!"  I'm hoping.

               " 3. Once you're married with a kid, you may get a two-fingered hand job once-a-year, or you can go screw who you like as long as you don't shame the family - get over it !"   Judging my the number of aunts and uncles my ex-wife has I suspect that this is a product of the One Child Policy.

"In the meantime, PLEASE don't invite a Chinese woman to your Chinese apartment for a cup of tea - or you'll be killed......"

Or for that matter ever tell her that she is wrong---about anything, ever.  Sage advice, hopefully I'll remember it if the time ever comes.

#2017-12-24 21:32:53 by anonymous16766 @anonymous16766

Interesting blog.  This is the most detailed blog about an ideal match and I appreciate your honesty, such as about financial concerns and appearance.

I do have some questions. Since it is obviously more convenient for you to find a local match, why do you think it is more apt for you to find A compatible match in China? There are obviously the language barrier, financial costs (plane tickets etc.) the risk of not knowing the other person well because of distance. In other words, apart from all the other traits that most wome share, what makes women in China more preferable? There are also Chinese women in America and many White women with black hair too.

#2017-12-25 23:35:47 by RWByrum @RWByrum


@anonymous16766  Many white women do have black hair, but black hair is only one characteristic out of a whole constellation of characteristics that attracts me.  Actually, it is the shape of the eyes that makes Chinese women so attractive to me and white women do not have epicanthic folds.

I've never had any success dating Chinese women in America.  Naturally, I have tried but I have never met one who had any interest in me at all.  Contrast this with the dozens upon dozens of Chinese women from mainland China who have contacted me over the years.  This is what makes me think that I have my best chances of success with women from China.  It is based upon this experience, not upon any assumptions based on race and culture.  My experiences with my ex-wife taught me that everyone is an individual.  It is foolish to harbor expectations based on what other women do, no matter how prevalent that behavior may appear to be.

You did bring up the greatest risk, committing to a woman whom I cannot know well because of the distance.  I've experienced that first hand already and there really isn't any way to avoid that.  No matter who you are dealing with, you really only get to truly know them when you are living with them.  That is true no matter where they are from.  I could date the woman next door and I still would have that problem.  Until I was living with  her, I wouldn't truly get to know her.

#2017-12-27 15:17:40 by fj1383 @fj1383

@RWByrum

It's great to read someone who knows what he wants and has a clear mind on what his ideal match should be. Maybe you learnt a lot from your previous chinese partner but this also begs the question "why did you two break up?". Now I don't mean to be impolite or offensive but rather constructive when I honestly tell you that you MUST really change your profile pictures. It's kind of hypocritical to ask for a 'beautiful and sexy" partner when you look like you're wearing a walmart t-shirt on the 1st picture and pajama pants on the last 2 pictures. Chinese women in their majority are not as picky as western women when it comes to looks but this doesn't mean you can show yourself like that, any decent Chinese woman will assume you're either a beggar or out of a job and problably you'll miss a lot of worthy women just because of your pictures.

Hope my comments didn't offend you at all, it wasn't my intention. But I think you've got  a big advantage being skinny, you could wear slim-fit shirts, pants or jeans and Chinese women over here dig that!! My best wishes man!  (beer)(beer)

#2017-12-28 23:50:47 by RWByrum @RWByrum


@fj1383

To put it in a nutshell, my marriage ended because our personalities were fundamentally incompatible.

I'm not offended by anything you said.  I'm rather surprised that someone hadn't already said it.  Am I a hypocrite?  Perhaps. I don't really think so, but I can't completely deny the possibility.  The great thing about your comments is that they perfectly illustrate an important point.  "Beauty" and "sexiness" are completely subjective terms.  So subjective, in fact, that they are completely meaningless.  I used those terms with my own concepts of what they define but you interpreted those terms in light of your own concepts of them.  I don't really know for sure, but I would be very much surprised if your concepts of beauty and sexiness were all that close to mine.

Now, the subject of my profile pictures.  Again, I'm surprised that you were the first to bring this up.  Now, much as I despise applying the fishing analogy to dating, largely because of the expression, "there are more fish in the sea", to justify a cavalier attitude towards women, sometimes the analogy is the most apt.  The type of bait you should use depends on the type of fish you want to catch.  Thus, the best way to present yourself to women depends entirely on the type of woman you are trying to attract.  I believe that we are most likely looking for different types of women.  Now at this point you are probably thinking that no Chinese women would be interested in me because of my profile pictures.  Now why would you think that?  Because you are making a value judgment and you are projecting that value judgment on others.  I say this because your statements are based upon assumption rather than facts.  Like this one, "any decent Chinese woman will assume you're either a beggar or out of a job".  So the 17 CLM members who have contacted me since I joined must not be decent women.

Now, my profile pictures show me exactly as I look on a typical day.  Do I look handsome in them?  No.  But there is a fundamental honesty about them that, believe it or not, actually does appeal to some Chinese women.  I have never had a Chinese woman send me message telling me how handsome I am.  But I have had numerous Chinese women tell me how honest or sincere I look.  And you know what.  After reading thousands of profiles of Chinese women, I have seen 'honesty' and 'sincerity' in the descriptions of their ideal match far more often than I have seen 'handsome'.

Now you are right to say that most Chinese women would not be interested in me because of my profile pictures.  That's okay, because I am not interested in most Chinese women.  It is interesting how I wrote 3,781 words in an attempt to describe my ideal match in as much detail as I could and yet it is obvious that I did not completely accomplish my objective.

#2018-01-13 10:09:43 by anonymous16801 @anonymous16801

Sexbots are a result of society becoming more impersonal and captives of  vitual reality. This is one of the goals of the globalist elites. To enslave us like Orwell's "1984" Mark Zuckerberg won't let his children use devices like an IPhone, IPad etc. Facebook's former president Sean Parker has admitted publically that this was their plan from the beginning of the company. Facebook, Twitter and Google are actively banning Conservative and Christian views as Project Veritas' undercover videos reveal. I've been banned from Facebook three times already. This is facist behavior that violates the  basic freedoms of speech, expression and religion as enshrined in the 1st Amendment of the US Constitution.

#2018-01-15 08:03:55 by kalzorch @kalzorch

I consider your flexibility on language to be non-viable.  For us mere mortals, learning another language takes years, but let's say that you or your ideal mate are smart/diligent enough to do it in one year.  So you're going to have to be depending on the translator for at least that long, and in my experience using the translator is frustrating at best.  You can have simple conversations, find out about the weather in your respective home towns, but not much more.  In a long-distance relationship, talk is all you have to go on, and if verbal communication is out, you're reduced to not much more than text, which is a small fraction of the communication bandwidth that people enjoy when talking together in person.  Being reduced to text is bad enough, but doing it through the translator is like slogging through waist-deep snow.  Maybe some people can do it, but for me it gets old quick.

#2018-01-15 23:30:44 by RWByrum @RWByrum


@kalzorch

You're certainly right about the difficulties involved.  So the real question becomes how much tolerance one has for overcoming those difficulties.  Many people do not.  But would I not discover a lot about my potential match rather quickly.  If she does not have the determination to deal with the language barrier successfully, how much determination would she have in dealing with other problems?  I've had potential relationships end very quickly because of the language barrier.  At least I found out how unsuitable she was very quickly.  Personally, I find the prospect of failing better than arbitrarily limiting myself to those women who claim to be fluent in English.

#2018-01-16 20:54:46 by melcyan @melcyan

For some men, language may not be their biggest problem.

 

In order to be successful with online dating, you need to have a reasonable level of relationship skills before you start. For anyone having difficulty on CLM who know in their heart of hearts that their relationship skills have never been particularly good then they should take some time out and get professional help with relationship skills (this not just about partners but also includes family and friends).

 

Honest communication is vital. The advantage of a Chinese woman/ western man relationship is that you must put much more effort into your communication. You need to check and recheck that the message sent was the message received. This may be the first time that you have ever done this with a woman. In a video chat, you are also able to cross check with body language.

 

In the early days, my partner and I spent a lot of time reading each other's body language rather than talking to each other. We developed a good understanding of the place the other occupied in their family and amongst their friends. I have two penpals on CLM that have much better English skills than my partner. Getting to know them well helped me understand differences between Chinese and Western culture a lot better.

 

How many Chinese people can you read reasonably well? By read, I mean having some idea of what type of person they are. If your answer is zero then you have a problem. I think there a quite a few women on CLM that I can read reasonably well.

 

Do you practice reading female bloggers on CLM? It pays to try and read every female CLM member who makes comments or blogs. You can view their profiles without it registering if you have not logged in. If you only focus on the women that you are attracted to then you miss out on very valuable learning opportunities to read Chinese women.

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