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Born and raised in Maryland, USA, and attended the University of Maryland, but now living in Pennsylvania, RTByrum is an author and publisher of 9 books but does not make a living at it. His places traveled include Britain and China. His past marriage was to a Chinese woman for 3 years. He since claims to have found the secret to happiness and hopes to share that happiness with someone special, and through his blogs, perhaps also with you.
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Dating Chinese Women: My Ideal Match Part 1    

By RWByrum
1261 Views | 19 Comments | 12/11/2017 5:02:10 AM

            The subject for my second blog entry will be, as the title suggests, the criteria for my ideal match, why I chose them and why Chinese women.  While this will certainly provide the members of CLM with a great deal of insight into myself, I'm not at all certain just how generally applicable those insights will be to the typical American as I have never regarded myself as typical in any respect.  I'm just arrogant enough to believe that this subject will be interesting to at least some of my readers.

            I was recently contacted by one of the members of ALM.  After viewing her picture and reading over her profile, I immediately concluded that she was not the right person for me.  I responded to the kiss she had sent me with one of my own.  I used the kiss which stated that I did not wish to communicate with her because her profile did not match the profile of my ideal partner.  She replied with a message in which she asked, "Then what kind of woman are you looking for?"

            It was a completely valid question, especially considering that my ideal match criteria did not appear on the ALM website.  This must have been caused by a bug in the system because I was under the impression that my CLM ideal match criteria would carry over to my ALM profile.  Even the Current Status portion of my ALM My Space page showed my ideal partner to be complete.  I briefly considered correcting this deficiency, but I realized that if I did so the ladies of ALM might feel offended.  The vast majority of the female members of ALM are Philippinas and Thais and neither the Philippines nor Thailand would appear in the nationality category of my ideal match.  I responded to the message by making my profile invisible and refusing to answer the question.  Was that the proper response?  Should I have flat-out told the woman that I just didn't find her attractive?  I probably should have simply answered her question.

            My ideal match would be an East Asian woman, preferably one who was a member of one of the big three East Asian ethnicities:  Chinese, Japanese or Korean.  I consider East Asian women to be the most beautiful women in the world with the big three being the most beautiful East Asian women. Among the big three, I find Chinese women to be the most attractive.  Thus, in my mind, they stand at the very apex of feminine beauty.

            My attraction to East Asian women is not based on any perception of them being exotic.  African and Middle Eastern women are also exotic, but I have never found them to be particularly attractive.  It was also not based on any expectation of East Asian women being submissive.  I never harbored such an expectation and I have never regarded submissiveness as a desirable trait in a woman.  I did not even grow up in an area where Asian women were common.  In fact, I was in high school before I had my first face to face encounter with an Asian girl.  But even then encountering an Asian girl was a rare treat.  Out of the 3,000 students attending my high school, only 2 or 3 were Asian girls.

            Yet, my propensity for East Asian women is not a recent development.  I have always had a predilection for East Asian women.  It is just that until about ten years ago I didn't believe that I would be able to act on it.  Where did my strong preference for East Asian women come from?  I really don't know.  I suspect it was the influence of television during my developmental years.  One of my favorite television shows, while I was growing up, was M*A*S*H, a situation comedy set in an army surgical hospital during the Korean War.  During its eleven seasons on the air, it was probably the principal employer of Asian actresses.  M*A*S*H might be the ultimate source for my taste for East Asian women or my taste for East Asian women might have been the reason for M*A*S*H being one of my favorite shows.  Now it is far too late for me to separate cause from effect.

            So, why do I find East Asian women in general and Chinese, Japanese and Korean women in particular to be the most beautiful women in the world?  I suspect that it has to do mostly with facial characteristics:  the shape of the eyes, the shape of the nose, the dimensions of the lips, the shape of the cheekbones and the shape of the chin.  But the East Asian facial feature which I love the most is the epicanthic folds.  The more pronounced a woman's epicanthic folds, the more attractive I find her.

            Why do I confine my ideal match to Chinese, Japanese and Korean women?  Because I find the women from those countries more consistently attractive than the women of other East Asian nations.  While I find most Chinese, Japanese and Korean women to be attractive, I only find some Vietnamese women attractive and I only find a very small percent of Thai women attractive.  I haven't encountered enough Indonesian women to form an opinion of them yet.  I haven't yet seen a Malay woman I found attractive and the only Philippinas I have found attractive were either ethnically Chinese or at least partially Chinese.

            I imagine that the reason why I find women from some East Asian nationalities more attractive than others has to do with the facial characteristics common to the members of those nationalities.  At least, that seems to be the most plausible explanation for why I find Chinese women much more attractive than Malay or Thai women.  The only certainty I really have is that skin tone has nothing to do with it.

            I have always treated my preference for Chinese women as nothing more than a personal preference.  I regard preferring Chinese women to other women as equivalent to preferring vanilla ice cream over chocolate or strawberry.  I strongly prefer vanilla ice cream but I am willing to settle for chocolate ice cream if vanilla is not available while I cannot tolerate strawberry ice cream at all.  If strawberry is the only option, I would much rather do without.  In a similar vein, I much prefer to date Chinese, Japanese or Korean women.  I would date women of other East Asian nationalities if I could not find any Chinese, Japanese or Koreans, but I would not date a woman who was not East Asian at all.

            From the foregoing, it should be obvious that I regard a woman's face as her most important feature.  Whenever I find myself attracted to a woman it was her face that induced those feelings.  This is not to say that I don't regard a woman's other features:  her breasts, legs or butt are unimportant to me, just that they are far less important to me than her face.  I can be attracted to a woman with a beautiful face but an inferior body but I will not be attracted to a woman with a fantastic body but an inferior face.

            I am not really sure, but I do have the overall impression that I am different from other men in this regard.  I have never explicitly discussed the issue with anyone but every time that I have ever overheard a man discussing a woman, I have never heard him comment on her face.  His comments were always focused on her breasts, her butt or her legs, in that order.  However, vague impressions are often wrong as they are more often than not subject to observational bias.

            My ideal match would have black hair and black or brown eyes.  The vast majority of East Asian women have black hair and I have yet to encounter an Asian woman whose eyes were not either black or brown.  I believe I made those selections on my ideal match profile to make my ideal match the quintessential East Asian woman.

            Height really isn't important to me at all.  My ideal match profile lists acceptable heights from 4'11 to 6'4''.  I seriously don't expect to ever meet an East Asian woman who does not fall within that range but if I did, I certainly wouldn't hold it against her.  Despite the fact that I don't consider a woman's height to be important, I still want to know what it is.  I'm not really sure why.  I don't honestly care if a woman is taller than me but it does appear to bother at least some women.  I have seen profiles where the women who wrote them said that she would not date any man who was not at least two inches taller than her.  One of those women stood 5'11'' so I believe her selection of potential mates was quite limited.

            Weight is a complex issue and it is completely meaningless outside of height.  Among the big three, the Koreans have the greatest propensity towards obesity.  I have, in fact, personally met obese Korean women.  I've only ever seen one obese Japanese woman and I have never seen an obese Chinese woman.  Whenever I consider a woman's weight I always relate it to her height.  Obviously, a woman who stands 5'6" should weigh more than a woman who stands 5'0".  Thus, 135 pounds would not be inordinately heavy for a woman standing 5'6" but it would be a bit high for a woman who stands only 5'0".

            I am actually quite liberal when it comes to weight.  For my ideal match, I gave a weight range from 90 pounds to 146 pounds.  I consider below 90 pounds to be unhealthy for an adult unless she is unusually short.  As a general rule of thumb, I would want my ideal match to weigh less than I do.  My weight fluctuates between 140 and 150 pounds.  Having said that, I would not refuse to date a woman just because she outweighed me.  Much would depend on her height and the amount by which she weighed more than me.  I don't mind if a woman is overweight but I would not date the circus fat lady.

            When I selected body types for my ideal match, I chose every category but "large-ish".  That category just sounded a little too much to me like a politically correct version of obese.  Naturally, body type is an important consideration when interpreting the meaning of a woman's height and weight.  An athletic woman could well be heavier because she is muscular rather than because she is fat.  A case in point would be Rin Nakai, a female Japanese professional mixed martial arts fighter.  She stands 5'1" but her fighting weight was 135 pounds.  She wasn't fat at all.  It was just that her upper arms, shoulders, and thighs were huge for her height.  Rin Nakai ended up having to lose weight because she started to lose fights to taller women.  An eight-inch height differential just proved too much for her to overcome.

To be continued…

Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
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#2017-12-10 14:17:03 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

Roger, I was surprised that your Ideal Match did not transfer properly to your ALM profile, and I have asked our web developer to look into it.



Regarding this blog, you've provided such detail that I am unsure where to start. So I am just going to focus somewhat randomly on a couple of things that popped out at me.



1. You mention that the primary feature for you to be attracted to a woman is her face. You also suspect that your are in the minority on that point, and that most men probably focus on body over face. 



Regarding the primary attraction to faces, are you aware that most Chinese will tell you that Western men tend to be attracted to Chinese women that Chinese men are unlikely to be attracted to. My wife insists that most Western men she knows (and that includes members of CLM) who end up married to Chinese women, seem to have chosen women that to her and other Chinese are not pretty. Many other Chinese I know have agreed with her.



Assuming that she and the others who agree with her are right, this could be explained partly by your contention that these men, more often than not, are not concerned with the face so much as the body. But to be honest, through my Western eyes, the women that Western men end up marrying or living with are usually very pretty, and I consider them to be easily in the top 30% or higher of Chinese women I have known, and that includes the thousands of members of CLM.



Generally, but not always, I find that the many Chinese men I came to know in China, and that was a lot of them because I owned a bar in Shenzhen, generally were dating or married to Chinese women that I did not find as attractive generally as the Chinese women that Western men were dating or married to. This would suggest that My wife and the others are right that we Western men are not attracted to the same faces as Chinese men are attracted to.



Do you (or anyone reading this) have any thoughts on that?



Other than the fact that if true it obviously really opens the door much wider for Western men to find the Chinese woman of their dreams, since those same women are out of the competition for most Chinese men, does this change in anyway you might look at Chinese women?



(No, I have never pointed out to my wife that she seems to be lumping herself into the category of Chinese women who are not attractive to Chinese men, and my experience has been that Chinese men are quite attracted to her.)



2. I was also attracted to Asian women for unkown (to me) reasons from a young age, and where I grew up in Small Town, Alberta, Canada, at that time the chances of meeting any for dating was almost nonexistant. Virtually the only girls I would meet were the daughters of Chinese Restaurant owners so I was interested especially in Chinese girls over other Asians, but their parents raised them to have nothing to do with Western boys. I gave no thought of really being able to have an opportunity to meet any Chinese women romantically until after my second divorce in the 1990's, when Chinese and Asian dating came into being through the internet. This was like the world opening up for me, and I thought I had died and gone to heaven.



I don't think I saw anything in your post that indicates how you did come to be in a position to start meeting Asian or Chinese women, but was it, like me, through the newly introduced dating possibilities on the internet?



If so, how big a life changer was that for you?



That's it for me so far, but I am looking forward to Part 2.



     


#2017-12-11 05:44:55 by melcyan @melcyan

I have read many comments on CLM by men saying why they prefer Chinese women. I know my memory is a little suspect but I think this is the first one that I have ever read that does not contain any disparaging comments about western women. Congratulations!

 

Hopefully, other men can follow your lead and write in much more detail about their very personal choice of an ideal woman without negative comments about western women.

#2017-12-11 11:05:42 by RWByrum @RWByrum


@JohnAbbot  Hi John! 

I seem to trigger all of the bugs!

I began meeting Chinese women when I was a student at the University of Maryland.  There were a lot of Chinese women there and I even managed to date a few.  Unfortunately, once I left the University, I no longer had much opportunity to meet Asian women.  At least not ones from Asia.  As I don't frequent bars or nightclubs, my opportunities for dating are rather limited and I usually find myself far too inhiibited to approach most women.  When you meet a woman face to face you know absolutely nothing about her besides her appearance.  You don't know if she is even available.  What I like about online dating is that most of these questions are answered for you.  So for me, online dating provides me not only with the opportunity to meet Chinese women, but also the chance to meet available Chinese women interested in a relationship with a western man.  Most of the Chinese women I met at the University of Maryland were not interested in such a relationship, not even the ones I dated.

Internet dating was a huge change for me.  I met my ex-wife through an online dating site.  Now that experience showed me the possibilities without diminishing my enthusiasm.

I would imagine that if you did confront your wife with the seeming inconsistency she would simply say that she is the exception to the rule.  Which would also imply that you have exceptionally good taste for a westerner.

I would not be the least bit surprised to learn that Chinese men have different tastes in women from Western men.  But given how quickly China is being Westernized, I wonder how much longer that will remain to be true.  Personally, if I find attractive a woman that other men do not find attractive then I see that as an immense advantage.  I would honestly prefer it that way.  Also, how I feel about a woman is based solely on my own emotional reactions and not on how anybody else feels.

#2017-12-11 12:55:04 by RWByrum @RWByrum


@melcyan  Thank you, Melcyan.  This may have to do with the fact that I actually have a lot more experience with Chinese women than with Western woman.  But I also don't see why praising one requires denigrating the other.

#2017-12-14 08:35:15 by anonymous16724 @anonymous16724

Interesting breakdown of your preferences. I personally feel that Filipino women are the most beautiful when younger(20-30) then it seems life catches up to them and their looks fade, not all but most. Chinese women seem to be like most western men, they get better looking with age. It is also interesting that alot of Chinese women find western men to be extremely handsome yet in the west we may be the bottom dwellers in facial looks. 

When you mention you are attracted to the upper fold in the eyelids of Chinese women I tend to agree that it is very alluring. Did you also know that it is the number one plastic surgery precedure Chinese women have done? I can also understand the thought that the butt is not the most important in your choosing a woman which is a good thing as most Chinese women have flatter butts and are not as attractive in that category but they sure know how to move their hips when walking!

My Chinese woman thinks that she is only average in the facial department I tend to agree, she is cute/pretty but far from beautiful by Chinese standards. She also gets very pissed off when I tell her I find most Chinese men are not good looking and it seems the trend in China is to be more effiminate looks wise for the Chinese men who are good looking. 

Everywhere you look on the streets of China they are brimming with extremely attractive women, far more so than in the west. They are graceful, catlike and childish all at the same time. They just gots to stop hawking up flem balls and hawking the loogers on to the sidewalks with unbelievable skill!!! Utter turnoff!!!

 

Good luck in your search here!

#2017-12-14 21:18:51 by RWByrum @RWByrum


@anonymous16724  I was in China for only a week and I noticed the propensity for the Chinese to spit on the sidewalk.  I have heard from my ex-wife that removal of the epicanthic folds was popular with Chinese women.  I think that is truly a shame.  My ex-wife has also expressed dissatisfaction with her epicanthic folds at times.  I think she would have them removed if she could afford it.

Thanks for the comments.  I have to admit that I don't think the odds of me succeeding are particularly good but I do think that CLM does give me the best chance.

#2017-12-14 22:32:02 by woaizhongguo @woaizhongguo

 A refreshing counterpart to much of the disparaging reference to "Yellow Fever" that has been discussed elsewhere on the site. As Woody Allen said, "the heart wants what it wants." Those who would criticize (and they are out there) a Western man's attraction to Chinese women should keep in mind that it was the same sort of contempt that led to millenium old discrimination against same sex relationships. I would only add that I think it is probably the face that first attracts most men, though of course I can only speak for myself. 

@JohnAbbot: Defintely true about Western men beting attracted to women Chinese don't think particularly attractive. Call it the Lucy Liu syndrome.

#2017-12-15 22:52:02 by RWByrum @RWByrum


@woaizhongguo  Ah, another vote for the face!  I wonder if anyone ever did a survey on the subject.  In America up until 1948 it was illegal for a white man to marry a Chinese woman and in Virginia it remained illegal until the Supreme Court declared miscegination laws unconstitutional in 1967.  Also, I never found Lucy Liu particularly attractive.  But then again, that's probably just me.  I tastes are a bit, odd.

#2017-12-16 10:01:03 by Kevr @Kevr

I too am attracted to the same group of asian women as yourself. This is a longtime attraction not based on any garbage stereotypes. In fact I would be offended if someone were to suggest such a thing. Now that I have this place to meet them I truly want to have a Chinese woman as my partner for the rest of my life..

#2017-12-16 23:46:58 by anonymous16731 @anonymous16731

@RWByrum and co: a thought and a question. I am involved with a chinese woman at present, I have been there several times for months at a time. Yes Chinese women spit, burp and fart in public as it is no big deal manners wise in China for women to do this. Kids pee in the streets, sidewalks etc, Chinese men will whip it out just about anywhere if they need to go badly enough, no thought is given by anyone passing by, all accepted cultural behaviours that we men from the west frown on and are actually embarressed by these behaviours. Can you imagine the fall out from all the PC brigade, the neo feminists etc etc if that were to happen on a extremely regular basis? 

One thing that most western men do not realize is you get used to it and let it go but it will always bother you. 

Here is my question: Since Chinese women love to show their love and caring about you by pinching you, biting you, slapping you, shoving you and literally pulling you off your feet to steer you in the direction they want to go in, they will also call you a dum dum, a little baby who cant take care of themselves, how do you feel about these actions that are frowned upon in the west?

If any western woman did this to a man in the west these days they would most likely get charged with assault and dumped....

Thoughts???

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