Chinese Women, Asian Women, Online Dating & Things Chinese and Asian
Born and raised in Maryland, USA, and attended the University of Maryland, but now living in Pennsylvania, RTByrum is an author and publisher of 9 books but does not make a living at it. His places traveled include Britain and China. His past marriage was to a Chinese woman for 3 years. He since claims to have found the secret to happiness and hopes to share that happiness with someone special, and through his blogs, perhaps also with you.
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Dating Chinese Women: My (Almost) Perfect Match, Part 4    

By RWByrum
2305 Views | 22 Comments | 2/25/2018 3:34:09 PM

            I had peace of mind for the next nine days as I waited patiently for my almost perfect match to return from her vacation.  But on the tenth day, I began to feel uneasy again.  I dealt with my uneasiness by sending two more messages to my almost perfect match.  The first message was short, just a reassurance that I was still waiting patiently for her.  The second one was to correct a mistake which I had made in my second message.  Those mistakes revolved around some confusion which I had about the time stamps on CLM.

            My almost perfect match logged-in to CLM on October 12th at 8:46 a.m. exactly two weeks after her last log-in.  This time she did not read any of the messages which I had sent her since she had left on vacation.  I was confused by this because at the time I had sent the kiss to her, she had not logged-in to CLM for four weeks and the previous three log-ins all seemed to have been prompted by my kiss and my first two messages to her.  Furthermore, I just could not reconcile the fact that she had logged-in 25 seconds after sending the second message with her logging-in and failing to read any of my last five messages.

            This precipitated yet another conflict between my heart and my brain.  In all of the previous conflicts my heart had always gained the upper hand in all of the previous conflicts and I solidified my heart's victory by sending my almost perfect match another message.  But this time my brain gained the upper hand, at least temporarily.

            At 1:02 p.m. on October 12th, my time, I sent my eighth message to my almost perfect match.  It was supposed to be my final message to her.  In every other case, I have always interpreted logging-in to a dating site without reading the messages which I sent as proof that a woman was not interested in me.  At the time, I reached this same conclusion with my almost special match and I told her this in my eighth message.  But I also told her that such conclusions could easily be wrong.  I added to my message the complete lyrics to Great Big World's "Say Something", a song which perfectly summed up exactly how I felt at that moment.

            But the triumph of my brain over my heart was destined to be short-lived.  By October 15th the pendulum had swung back the other way and my heart was once again determining my policy with respect to my almost perfect match.  As before, I consummated this change by sending my almost perfect match yet another message.  It was a rather long message, but then again, I felt compelled to explain to my almost perfect match why my goodbye message wasn't really a goodbye after all.

            I sent my final message to my almost perfect match on October 19th.  By then I had reached another important conclusion regarding the fact pattern of my interactions with her and my message was intended to share that conclusion with her.  I remembered a time when my own computer broke down, the hard drive wore out.  The computer froze up and when I tried to reboot it, it would not reboot.  I was able to buy a replacement computer that same day and was back on the internet the next day.  If my almost perfect match had experienced a similar mishap with her own computer, replacing it might not be as easy.  I would expect that affordability would be a greater barrier for her than availability.  It might take months for her to save up enough money to buy another computer or get her old computer replaced.  While this theory was only speculative at best, it did explain the fact pattern better than the idea that she had simply lost interest in me.  Of course, this could have been nothing more than wishful thinking on my part, but I still considered it to be the most likely scenario.

            When I discovered my almost perfect match on CLM she had not logged-in to her account for four weeks.  Between September 25th and October 12th, she logged-in four times.  Those first three log-ins were obviously prompted by the kiss and the first two messages which I had sent to her.  Therefore, I felt that it was reasonable to conclude that her last log-in was also prompted by a desire to read my other messages.  I concluded that both her failure to do so and her failure to log-in again since then was completely involuntary.  More than three months have passed since that last log-in, yet I still hold out the hope that she will return and that hope has kept me waiting for her.

            To be continued...

Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
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#2018-02-25 15:33:51 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

In spite of your having pointed out that it is somewhat pointless, and a little annoying, to have readers comment on events described in your posts that have not been been outdated by new posts being published, but have long been outdated by the passing of time in the reality of the events actually occurring, I am going to likely commit the offence myself in at least some of the following comments. If so I apologize in advance.

Let me offer some alternate possible causes of your almost perfect match having failed to log back in, read your messages and respond to them. None of them are going to give you any more reason to hope for her to do so, but I think all of them are more plausible reasons for her not returning than your speculated computer breakdown.

I say that because, if she had a computer breakdown and really wanted to log back in to CLM and then to read and respond to your messages (or not), she could have easily gone to an internet cafe or simply borrowed a friend's computer and done so. I think that hope on your part is flawed.

But some of many alternate possible reasons for her disappearance, most of them unpleasant, are as follows (and I invite other readers to offer many more):

1. The messages from you she did read bored her so much that it turned her off of dating yourself specifically and Western men generally, so she stopped logging in to CLM, and/or

2. Messages she received from other Western men bored her to such tears that she was blinded to your brillliant messages and chose to stop logging in to CLM, or

3. While strolling down a busy city street, during the course of her logging in to CLM Mobile Site on her smart phone and happpily discovering your messages, in her excitement she took a misstep into heavy traffic and was flattened by a bus, and is either no longer with us or is recuperating in hospital from such serious injuries that she is unable to login to CLM, or

4. Her holiday took her home to a rural village to discover her parents are in need of her care to such an extent that she must stay there for an unknown future time, leaving her with no access to internet and little hope of logging into CLM for months, if not years, or

5. Perhaps the least pleasant but most likely of all, when she logged in and failed to read your messages, she failed to read them because she had already met someone else and had committed to date only him and no other until they determined if they were a great match. I promise you and all readers that I have not, in anyway, attempted to know who your almost perfect match may be, and have no idea if she may have met someone else. This is pure speculation on my part.

I consider all of 1 thru 5 to be far more plausible reasons why the lady has disappeared as she has, and I consider 4 and 5 to be the most likely of the possible reasons.

Other readers might offer several more plausible reasons.

I might add that if #5 above happens to be the reason then you have good reason to hope she will not match the someone new, and she will return at some time to read your messages and contact you. However, in my opinion, regardless of why she may have disappeared and regardless of the likelihood of her returning, you have absolutely no reason whatsoever to not be contacting other ladies who might be your perfect match while waiting for your almost perfect match to possibly come back onto the scene.

You are currently "online dating' my friend, you are not deeply embedded in a close personal relationship with anyone that could possibly oblige you to stop "playing the vitual field". You have paid for a Gold upgrade that allows you to communicate with every woman on 2 dating sites, and you have made no commitment to anyone that should prevent you from doing so.

When the words have passed both your lips and the lis of a special lady, in a video chat between you, that you have agreed to commit to each other and stop "dating" anyone else, neither of you should feel anyway restricted from dating others. 

You are placing restrictions on yourslef that are both uncalled for and are greatly decreasing your chance of ever meeting youyr real perfect match, who is sitting there waiting for your attention while you wastefully while away your time wishing and hoping that your "almost perfect match" (almost, but not) will notice you pining away for her. How many perfect matches are you ignoring in your dreams of winning the one who is totally ignoring you?

I'm just saying...


#2018-02-26 00:18:38 by RWByrum @RWByrum


When the fact pattern is finally completed in part 5, we will see which of your five alternatives is the closest to the truth.  I never rule out the possibility that I bored her, however.  My initial messages are usually pretty short, however.  Possibly too short.  Still, the only review which any of my books have ever garnered on characterized the reviewed book as "boring".

It wasn't so much that I felt committed to her in any way.  It would be exceedingly foolish to commit myself at any point.  I might be prone to being rather foolish, but I am never that foolish.  I would liken the whole experience to being dazzled by her to the point where I just didn't feel interested in anyone else.  As time went by, this dazzlement slowly abated and I did start contacting other women.  I left that fact out of the narrative because I didn't think that it was relevent.  Naturally, it doesn't really matter how closely a woman comes to my ideal match if she isn't even talking to me.

#2018-02-26 00:47:51 by anonymous16900 @anonymous16900

@RWByrum I am not trying to insult your intelligence but she is not interested in you and you are starting to behave a tad like a cyber stalker....let her go, your female readers are smart enough to pick up on this as well.

 As John said there are many women on this site you could be contacting and who knows, more than one could turn out to be your perfect match! I know this happened in October but the advice is true today as well as back then. 

Us mere mortals tend to lead with our hearts and not our brains, some dummies say we are lend by our desire to have sex but we men are lend by our hearts first and foremost. That is why we get burned so easily and so often by women. They are colder than we are.

Present yourself in the best way possible, try posting a profile picture where you are cleaned up, dressed nicely and doing something you like to do, you might be surprised at the ladies reactions.  Maybe look outside your restrictive guidelines to your perfect match and you just might find what you are looking for.

When dealing with asian women keep your wallet close and your powder dry!! hehe

Good luck!!



#2018-02-26 08:18:15 by ferlo @ferlo

Ferlo @Ferlo
Mr. RWByrum:
If the girl that apears in your blogs is your perfect match. I very well understand her, she is beautiful elegant and nicely dressed, she probably is looking for no less than she seems to be.
I have notice that in CLM girls dress very well and many of them their photos are digital enhacing their beauty. I have traveled two times to China meet a couple who did not look exactly as their digital. Once you get to know someone you create atractivness with your character and personality. I'm uneducated (4thg) so you have way up more opportunities than many men here.
Other explanation is: she is not interested on you at all a good reason to ignore your messages.
Think about, like John said don't waiste your time CLM has plenty of beautiful girls to choose from but first review your profile and be realistic.

#2018-02-26 14:57:02 by RWByrum @RWByrum


The pictures accompanying my blog entries are of three different women, none of whom are the woman I am describing.  That woman is not dressed elegantly in any of her profile pictures.  She is, in fact, dressed casually in all three of them.

#2018-02-26 17:59:33 by fj1383 @fj1383


I totally agree with everything you both guys said! FINALLY!


Man! You gotta change your profile pictures, they are completely insulting to every lady out there who takes the time and makes the effort to look descent on CLM. We are not trying to insult you at all...Hey! Now that I'm married to a wonderful chinese girl I also wear pajamas or cheap t-shirts almost every day but this doesn't mean I caught my wife's attention on CLM by looking this way.

It seems you want to conquer a lady's heart with your intellect and use of sweet words but this won't work at first, it should be obvious by now since you got to annoy your almost-perfect match with so many messages and got no reply at all ....This isn't the Old Ages man! Where people used to fall in love with each other by exchanging love letters. (rofl)(rofl)

You gotta wake up, face the reality and make the same effort the ladies on CLM make to find their 'perfect match'. There's no other way around it and if you're too stubborn to see it, the least you can do is to delete all your pictures to avoid insulting any potential match. 

The funny thing is that if you sent a picture of you dressed-up to your almost-perfect match and apologized for your other lousy pictures, then you'd PROBABLY GET A REPLY! (rock)(giggle)

Good luck man! Really! (y)(beer)


#2018-02-28 15:26:48 by RWByrum @RWByrum


"they are completely insulting to every lady out there who takes the time and makes the effort to look descent on CLM."

Those aren't the ones I'm contacting.  I'm not sure just how many of the ladies find my profile pictures insulting, I imagine some of them do.  I'd just as soon they didn't contact me.  But it is pretty clear that those pictures do insult you.  To my mind that's yet another reason to keep them up.

"We are not trying to insult you at all"

Of course you are.  And you're being disingenuous by claiming otherwise.  But an insult is just like a drink, it can only really affect you if you accept it.  But I do give you credit for not posting anonymously. I always wonder exactly why people do that.  It makes me wonder if they might lack courage.

#2018-03-01 19:54:50 by melcyan @melcyan


Here we have two very different viewpoints. @fj1383 represents the more commonly accepted approach to successful online dating. RWByrum represents a more maverick approach that I suspect few would copy. My own approach to online dating was not typical so I am definitely open to examining novel approaches.


Both RWByrum and fj1383 have proven themselves to be successful online daters despite having very different approaches. I would love to hear both of you describe your online dating history (including your unsuccessful approaches to women online and the approaches from women that you rejected) that lead to your marriages.


Parts of my online dating history can be found on the following link -


In the link below I discussed how you prepare an online dating profile and how you might progress from there.



#2018-03-02 23:51:54 by anonymous16907 @anonymous16907

Monsiuer RWByrum, many peoplle post anonymously including some of the women on the site. As to why it depends on the individuals personal situation. My situation is my woman asked me to post anonymously, I think it is silly but I care about her feelings so this is what I do to show her respect(face). Hope this helps.....

#2018-03-03 14:33:59 by RWByrum @RWByrum


Thank you, indeed this comment does help a great deal.

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