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John Abbot is co-owner of ChinaLoveMatch.net. Married to a lovely Chinese Lady and living in China, John knows and respects China, Chinese Women, Chinese People and Chinese Culture. His blog will include good stuff about Online Dating, Chinese Women, International Relationships and Things Chinese. Join John Abbot on Google+
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CyberSex Revisited: Heading Towards a Conclusion.    

By John Abbot
4323 Views | 10 Comments | 9/30/2012 3:05:03 PM

A few weeks ago we posted a blog about incidents of men pressuring numerous Chinese women they met on CLM to have cybersex with them. By pressuring them I mean asking repeatedly in spite of having received a definite “no” at the time the first request was made. We indicated we believed CLM had to do something to eliminate this behavior and invited comments and discussion to help us determine what steps should or could be taken.

Well we received a lot of comments, and many of them were very helpful. Surprisingly only 4 women commented as opposed to close to 40 men, which made me ponder whether the problem was really as serious as we had been led to believe.

Even more surprising to me, 2 of the 3 women felt that the individual women who suffer the abuse in question should simply blacklist (block) the member and move on; effectively believing the women should police the matter themselves, and even the 3rd Chinese lady who commented did not recommend banning the culprit, but merely giving him a negative rating if enough members complained about him. Finally, the 4th woman to comment simply asked the ladies not to succumb to such pressure to have cybersex. Again, how serious is this problem, or more accurately, how often is it happening, if no victims comment and the women who do comment don’t think it all that serious?

On the other hand many men commented, and they were unanimously in agreement that the behavior was at best regrettable and at worst a near capital offense calling for the removal of certain male body parts. Not one male defended the behavior of pressuring women to have cybersex (the key word being “pressuring”), and most felt the culprit, if the offence was verified, should be forever banned from CLM. One particular cause of concern was that this behavior by a few bad apples reflected badly on all western men, and we believe this concern is well founded.

This also caused us to wonder how often the offense is occurring if almost 40 men who commented think it is very wrong, and no one thinks it is acceptable. Ultimately we concluded that it may well be occurring fairy frequently, but it is likely being perpetrated by just a very few male members. However, we also concluded that if only 3 men were committing the offense, if each of them committed it a couple of hundred times a month, then there could be upwards of 600 women members suffering the abuse over the course of that month, which is totally unacceptable.

And based on the men’s comments, if not the women’s, even if it is one guy abusing 1 woman, it is still unacceptable and something should be done to prevent it.

Next posting will include many of the comments made and our specific response to them. Not all comments will be listed because some were repeated two or three times, and some comments were not suggesting any recommended action, but simply expressing regret or distaste at such behavior taking place.

Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
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(Showing 1 to 10 of 10) 1
#2012-09-30 21:57:37 by jericho7 @jericho7

I'm not sure about this statistic, but I read somewhere that the Chinese woman watches more "blue movies" - or "porn" the most women of other cultures? A divorced Chinese woman with child is very discriminated against in her Male dominated Chinese culture. Many are deprived sexually and turn to technology (Internet Porn). Some girls on another dating sight got very explicit and flirty with me. I choose to move on to a woman of more moral compass. I feel like going anonymous with this; but I remember reading the statistic and it made alot of sense. Many men will never get on that plane to meet his girl. For many it is just fantasy- asian fetish - what Howard Stern called: "Yellow Fever." I realize that's not very politically correct for him to say.

#2012-09-30 22:26:05 by anonymous4433 @anonymous4433

My question in this case is: is it really happening? and everywhere you have "black sheep". And are there "professional" offenders? Who has the time to (like in SPAM way) contact frequently women, start chatting to them and more or less after 2 min. is asking for CS. Hard for me to believe. And yes, they should be blocked immidiatly. But again : hard to believe. Other way round: can be, that few "very conservative women" treat a (suggestive) compliment already as kind of request for CS?

#2012-10-02 03:30:36 by northeast @northeast

Yes they are right in there advice just block the person. As a male i have experienced same offers from lady´s. To that i refuse to even bother my self to indulge in that kind of so called erotic act. For me it is a waste of my time.

#2012-10-03 03:31:45 by Grace172 @Grace172

Many years ago. When I fist time to use QQ, Some strangers asked me to add them in my buddy list. I did it, and then they show me some "yellow pic" or show me "yellow webcam" I was shock and scare. I feltd disgusting and deled them immediately. Then my friends told me this was cyber sex. So I become very careful and did not add strangers to my QQ after that. have never and will neve have cyber sex with any man. I believe most "nice ladies" here just want to find a good man to establish a healthy relationship with. They will reject cyber sex.

#2012-10-03 11:54:27 by anonymous4449 @anonymous4449

jericho7: I talked with one expat guy who dated several Chinese women...he said there are some girls who are really into porn because they were never taught it was bad or taboo or whatever. So they treat it like an everyday thing and watch it often. They think all westerners love and watch porn too. I know some of you are reading this, chuckling thinking its funny, but this is actually really disturbing.

#2012-10-05 00:47:07 by xin73 @xin73

I suggest the member registration before,
In the membership registry add some advice.
For example, the liar and cybersex monition.


Cybersex, for those who hold traditional moral values​​, that their voices: "crying wolf." Most of the people think the head "the Wolf" sandwich charges are "chase babbittry". But besides that, far from enough. It even includes some itself for video sex advocates confusion:They don't know what the is or isn't " depraved ",Don't know oneself is or isn't in the "abnormal ".
In traditional idea, the person's sex is a must and feelings bound together,
If sex is only for sex, if sex secede the love,Then it means that this sex is a dirty, shameful, and already move towards sexual depravity.

Some people to take cyberSex person with "sexual perversion person" the equal sign.Normal person might occasionally try it out of curiosity,but could never develop into a regular behavior.Maybe a lot of people really because the reality of sex is not ideal to devote himself video sex, however, they give up the efforts to change the reality and put their hopes in the virtual space,Long Continue, its psychological whether or normal will have open to suspicion.
I think, "right " and "wrong" difference is merely: you is or isn't on the to real leading it, or just let it to lead you.Everyone has their own moral bottom line, seeing you is how to manipulate yourself behaviour .

#2012-10-06 08:29:45 by anonymous4461 @anonymous4461

Hello

I think its a culture thing really western men are very sexual and open, while Chinese women are very conservative and shy. If you are looking for a woman who you want to marry , cybersex is a great way to find out how open she is sexually. If you want that sexual type of person , its a good way to find out just how sexual they are. Not all Chinese women are that conservative , maybe the others do not complain because they like it or maybe they police it themselves which I feel is the best option. We live in a free world , free for the conservatives and for the adventerous

#2012-10-09 00:05:40 by gaspasser @gaspasser

I too have heard that some Chinese women like to watch porn. I don't know if that's true or not, and as far as I'm concerned, it doesn't matter what people like or do in the privacy of their own home. But when women anywhere are pressured for cybersex, it no longer falls in the realm of the privacy of their own home...it is something that is being done publically, and it doesn't matter if the women like it and accept it or don't like it and do not want to accept it...it is wrong. I came to this website after having had bad scam experiences with other dating websites, and I met a wonderful woman here who is going to become my wife. I believe that allowing cybersex puts a black mark on this very high quality website for both men who are looking for a quality Chinese woman, and for Chinese women who are looking for a high quality western men. I believe it should not be tolerated here, and that everything possible should be done to maintain the high level and fine integrity of this website so that the fine work it does can be continued without blemish.

#2012-10-09 00:49:46 by gaspasser @gaspasser

The problem with cybersex and porn and masturbation is that it eventually detracts from real sex with a living partner because it makes no demands on the practioner. Anyone who indulges in it knows that, which is why it is a billion dollar business. You don't need a real partner, all you need is your hand or your fingers. I speak from experience as it played a major role in my recent divorce as it has in many other divorces. Your real life partner will only put up with it for so long, and then they will leave for someone who can and is willing to give them real sex and real love. Masturbation, whether provided by cybersex or porn is a very dangerous and insidious thing that has destroyed many lives, and will continue to, especially now with easy access to the internet where your favorite perversion is easily and quickly and secretly acquired. Unfortunately, it is very addictive, and you need more and more to get the same initial thrill or rush you did at first. It can also lead to some very dangerous activities for which can and sometimes are arrested by the authorities. But, it's greatest evil is that it takes away from the love and caring and real sex that you can and should find with a real partner, and it often happens before you realize it, and then it is too late.

#2012-10-10 03:53:54 by anonymous4476 @anonymous4476

Hello

In the end I think free speach should always rule over all. I think people think Chinese women are weak meak little sheep. Hardly. I would say just about any woman here can just hit the block button and you are done. You can never say you speak for everyone , you can only ever speak for yourself. Its not the 1800's , Just hit block , as I have , and thats it problem solved. Nothing worse then people who think they are the world Police , Freedom for everyone should always be more important

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