Chinese Women, Asian Women, Online Dating & Things Chinese and Asian
Born in the UK but now living in Australia, Paul Fox has travelled to many places throughout China. He has seen the lighter side, the darker side, both the gentle and the seedy sides. He documents his experiences and is willing to share them with anyone who wants to listen. He is not afraid to say things exactly how he sees them, and is quite happy to "name and shame" when necessary.
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Chinese Women - Is She My Type - Part 1, The Desperate Divorced Housewife    

By Paul Fox
11873 Views | 50 Comments | 11/4/2013 4:32:10 PM

Welcome to Part 1 - I know you have been dying to read my scribble here, haha - and I have no doubt that there are many Chinese Girls out there polishing their gun ready to shoot me .....?  In my last blog I told you that I was going to describe 5 types of Chinese women over the coming weeks - but there are in fact - 6 types.

There is no “order’ in which these blogs will appear – quite simply, I will go through 1 to 6 quite randomly. There is, of course, another type and we can call her Type 7 – just in case you are wondering – but I shall not be discussing her in my series of blogs.

This is because Type 7 is the working girl / hooker / prostitute / bar girl... and whilst China certainly has its fair share – she is not the type of girl that you would want to have as your life-partner and as such she has no room in my blogs.

When you begin your search, send a “KISS” to as many women as possible that you like the look of – this should (hopefully) prompt them into checking you out and if they like what they see, they will reply to you. It’s OK to chat to multiple women but try to narrow down the numbers as soon as you can. Then study a map of China and see which areas they live in.

For those people who have never experienced China travel before, it is a vast country. Example, Shenzhen (in the south) to Liaoning (in the north) is a good 4 hours + flight. Domestic flights in China are not too expensive if you book in advance – leave it until the last minute and you will pay dearly.

Due to the huge population, generally you will find that public transport is excellent. It is in-expensive, clean, reliable and fast. However, domestic flights in China are often delayed (due to air-traffic control or a little drizzle – lol) and believe me when I say that China is the ONLY country I have ever visited where airports have clearly marked signs pointing to the exits for CANCELLED FLIGHTS!  It is also the only place in the world where I have looked out of a planes window and seen another plane - above, below or flying in the opposite direction – I have seen it many many times!

So before we go into the details of our Type 1 and what to look for, you really should consider the above. Planning ahead is the key. If you can only meet her (on your first meeting) for 2 or 3 days, she will understand and she will be extremely happy that you are taking the time and trouble to go and see her.

Once you have told her your flight details and arrival time, she will begin to prepare for your first meeting (This applies to all types of women) – she will be excited and emotional – she will be apprehensive and maybe a little scared or worried. She will worry that when you meet “in the flesh’ that SHE will not come up to YOUR expectations – she can quite happily live with your flaws and if you don’t come up to HER expectations, she will cope! - haha

If you decide to meet more than one woman, then in my opinion it makes sense and you should certainly try your best to do so. If you go there for (say) one week and meet only one woman who you find you don’t really like so much, then you have a week of boredom and anxiety.  However, you should ALWAYS look for the "signs" and ALWAYS consider their feelings (no matter what they may be) – you may not be so excited to meet her (after you have seen her for the first time) – but you can rest assured that she is excited to meet you!

Its difficult sometimes to seek out the genuine women from the hangers-on and the ones who are just seeking comfort in their lives and it is not uncommon for a Chinese woman to marry for convenience and simply HOPE that she will fall in love with you over time. This of course, is not the "Western way" - we prefer to fall in love FIRST and then marry - however, many Chinese women are good at disguising their feelings and will often say that they love you even if its not true at first.

Actions Speak Louder Than Words!

In your search for a Chinese life-partner, these words should be heeded more than any other phrase you have ever been taught!

So let’s make a start – first off is Type 1 and I like to call her the “Desperate Divorced Housewife”. She is an honest, hard-working, yet struggling woman – She is a DESERT!

The important thing to note is that she has a child who lives with her. I don’t want to digress, but I feel I should point out an important difference here between divorced Western women and Chinese women. We all know that in the west it is almost 100% guaranteed that if a couple divorce, then the mother will get custody of the kids. Not the same in China! Quite often the father will get custody and the child will be raised by him and his parents will help.  Maybe because the father (as a male) has more ‘earning power’ than the mother and can potentially give the child a better up-bringing.

Therefore, when you see a woman’s profile and it says that she has a child/children that do NOT live with her, you should understand that the child lives with either his father or maybe HER parents – so ASK HER – she will not be offended!

Back to our DDH.... In ALL cases, she has custody of the child and the child lives with her. Taking and fetching the kid from school each day, holding down a job and maintaining a home is beginning to take its toll on her.  She is tired, she is lonely and she is genuinely doing the best that she possibly can. The child is the most important thing in her life and she will tolerate just about anything to make sure that the child is raised successfully within a happy environment. 

To be brazen, honest and direct, the DDH essentially NEEDS YOU!  She does not care about your looks – she does not care if you are fat, thin, ugly or even from another planet!

What she DOES care about (in order of importance) are as follows -

1) You must be sincere. You must have a good heart and accept her child as your own child.

2) You must be honest and loyal. She does not want you looking at other women, yet she will give you as much freedom as you desire in other matters.

3) You must take care of your health. She does not want a man who will die on her before the kid is raised.

4) She hopes that in time she will love you and you will love her.

5) You must respect her in public and respect her friends and family (“Losing Face” in China is one of the worst things that can happen to any Chinese person).

She will wait until she feels comfortable before she even lets her friends SEE you and it could be months before she will allow you to meet her family.

The DDH is basically a good woman and would make an excellent wife or life partner. Her heart is sincere and she will hang onto you through thick and thin and life and death. However, you could potentially spend the rest of your life with a woman who does not really LOVE you.

Oh, don’t worry, she wont cheat on you, nor will she do anything to anger or upset you – she is too scared of losing you – if you are happy with her, then she is definitely happy with you!

How to spot the DDH.....

She has all of the above mentioned characteristics.

Sex on the first Chinese date is possible, but un-likely and YOU should never try to instigate it!

If she instigates it, then go for it – do NOT reject her!

IF she offers you sex then it is highly likely that she is doing so ONLY to please you and she will not enjoy it.

A good way to test this is to wait for her to instigate sex and then try to kiss her.

Chances are that the return kiss will be a “peck” and will in no way be passionate.

If she does kiss you passionately then you should know that she will enjoy having sex with you (but with the DDH this is very very unlikely).

If you don’t sleep together on your first meeting and you decide to meet for a second time, then sex is almost inevitable. Now she thinks you are genuinely interested in her and she does not want to risk losing you – so even if she closes her eyes and grits her teeth, she will have sex with you.

Never Forget...

Actions Speak Louder Than Words!

Until next time when we talk about Type 2 – The “On-The-Shelf” Single Woman, Good Luck and Take Care!

Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
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#2013-11-04 21:08:34 by prana @prana

You're right, and now the Chinese women, the lack of a sense of security.

Therefore, are some women want to own the other half can be loyal to himself.

So, are some women will not so easily like a person.

#2013-11-04 21:11:52 by Barry1 @Barry1

Another informative article, thanks Paul.

You mentioned, "Domestic flights in China are not too expensive if you book in advance – leave it until the last minute and you will pay dearly."

I was wondering though how does a foreigner outside the country know which are the cheapest domestic airlines to book an internal flight through? And would these cheap companies have websites in English where online bookings can be made from outside the country?

Also, if the foreigner can't speak Chinese, do you think he'll strike a major problem traveling from one town to another, being unable to read Chinese? This is assuming that for some reason, the lady he has just visited can't - or won't - be available to guide him at the airport or train station. Do most cab drivers in the cities for example, have a rough working knowledge of English?

Also, if a foreigner intends on seeing three or four ladies for three days each - what's your view on accommodation? That is, should the foreigner expect to stay in a hotel in each of the cities he visits? Would it be too much to ask if he can stay in a spare bed in the lady's house? I can see that this could cause possible complications for the lady, when her neighbours suddenly see a strange man coming and going. This is assuming of course, that he has told all the ladies in advance that he does not intend to have sex with any of them, in order to be fair to all of them.

"Sex on the first Chinese date is possible, but unlikely and YOU should never try to instigate it! If she instigates it, then go for it – do NOT reject her!"

This is perhaps my only point of respectful disagreement with you, Paul. That is, if a foreigner is intending to see several women, I believe he should NOT have sex with any of them in deference to all the others, even if stridently requested to do so by the lady.

Of course, if part way through the trip, the man decides to suddenly cancel seeing any more ladies because he believes he's at last found the love of his life and intends to spend the rest of his time there with this one person, the situation changes. He can then have guilt free sex, as he is forming a hopefully durable commitment with her to the exclusion of all others, which no doubt she would greatly appreciate.

Anyway mate, a great article. I look forward to more!

#2013-11-05 00:05:29 by anonymous7828 @anonymous7828

@Paul - you should really discuss Type 7 as I have met many bar girls on this site. Not prostitutes or hookers...just bar girls.

You wrote "so even if she closes her eyes and grits her teeth, she will have sex with you." The things people do in order to advance in life. Sad.

#2013-11-05 02:43:13 by yangguizi @yangguizi

You tread on dangerous grounds – lol (I use “lol” sparely so it is meaningful when I use it). This, I expect will be a great read.

If you are a Chinese woman, you should give him a little bit of slack and enjoy his insight even if his perception is not always complimentary. Most men that have spent time in China have heard stories about the visa hunter, the gold diggers, along with success stories about beautiful relationships and wonderful marriages. We all know somebody who knows somebody that had a disastrous marriage with a Chinese woman. Just as we all have friends who have been divorced in our home country (i.e. not with Chinese women).

Everyone woman is different so grouping them into 7 categories should be challenging. I think the woman that I used to date would not fit into any single category but I will wait to see what the other categories are with bated breath. Some women deserve an entire category all to themselves as I think mine did.

I really think you should also talk about the 7th type if you have any knowledge of how a woman ends up there. I am curious what circumstances besides severe economical hardship would send a woman on that path. What are her personality traits? What happens to this woman after she gets older and goes on the straight and narrow path?

#2013-11-05 09:24:06 by Joshua75 @Joshua75

These articles are great. Probably the best I've read since Zoey's end of our relationship. What I haven't noticed on this website though are too many women with children. I see a lot that want children listed. Maybe its the age bracket I search in since I tend to look closer to my age and not many 20 something year olds.

#2013-11-05 09:30:37 by shirley9183 @shirley9183

Wow, seems you are very professional for distinguishing Chinese women, I am really curious and shocked about how can you judge Chinese women like this? If you before had no big group of Chinese lovers who are in different type and you really have no way to write out such kind of articles! If I am not wrong and you really show your real face here to let many Chinese women to avoid a "color wolf" again! Thanks for your revealing about yourself! If I respect you because of your first article here and you suddenly lose my respection because of your second article which is so stupid and arrogant!

#2013-11-05 12:34:06 by Anonymouth @Anonymouth

I've dated two Chinese single mothers with custody of their child. Neither one was the "desert" you speak of. Both had family, in one case her mother who lived with her and in the other both parents living very close by who took care of the child and offered a great deal of help and support.

Both were very loving toward me and both were/are quite passionate and I have no doubt as in love with me as I was/am with them.

The first one could easily manage to get babysitting for almost every night for two weeks at a time to stay with me when I would go to China for work and go home a few days, in the middle, always coming back to me at night after her work, which ended most nights at about midnight when we would go out and she would take me to coo, restaurants or dancing in a big public square. She wasn't really struggling because she could afford to go out with her friends after work and she even gave me money a few times to pay for her friends. I told her at the time I was only looking for a girlfriend not to get married and she never pushed but after a while she did ask me if I thought some day I thought I will want to stay in China and have my home there. I finally lost her when I lost this job and did not go back to China again for several years.

Now I have been on CLM for a while and I found another single mother. This one I am head over heels in love with, have flown to China to see and we will marry. She has stolen my heart and send me spinning. This girl is the real thing. She is also not desperate, her mother helps with her child and she has enough income to support the three of them. She owns a three bedroom condo (called a house in China) and because she is beautiful, a former model, many men (with more money than me) chase her but she has told me only I give her the feeling of true love.

I mention these two because as I read about the Desperate Divorced Housewife, at first I thought it sounded a bit like you are describing them, but not quite.. They have custody of their children (neither one is a divorcee though, both were treated poorly by the father who backed out of marriages, one actually had another family) They both think it is important that I am OK with them having kids and were very happy to learn I love kids and actually didn't think its a problem (But that's simply the reality for any single mother, anywhere in the world), Both worried about my health (I'm diabetic and they both want to be sure that I would live a long time, not to care for their child, but so I would not leave them alone, broken hearted and lonely as a young widow) both were incredibly passionate in the bedroom, loved to walk arm in arm, to cuddle, to hold hands, would dress to impress me and liked to tease me and flirt with me.. basically I am sure I am and was loved very much.

I began reading your blog with high hopes, but I must say I'm a little disappointed at the way you lump the women into such finite groups. It is a somewhat entertaining read. But I think you leave too little room for variation from the archetype. Maybe, and I hope that it will appear in a later post that you will describe these two amazing women as a different type and they just happened to have a kid.. but you know worrying about the health of their man, not liking him to look at other women, wanting him to be honest, wanting him to not make her lose face.. This describes pretty much EVERY woman, in EVERY country I've ever been to.

#2013-11-05 14:55:40 by anonymous7838 @anonymous7838

As a Chinese woman, I have to say that I felt uncomfortable and offended while i was reading this blog. Can you tell how long you have been in China or how many places you have travelled in China? You have no seniority at all to "categorize" the Chinese women to 5 or 6 types, my friend. Every Chinese woman is unique, with different charactors and personalities. But they have some common attractions as: all the Chinese women are beautiful (with silky skin, dark eyes and hair, petite body, and so on ). They are kind, respectful, diligent, honest, sweet, complying, etc. They love their husband, kids and they are all family-oriented.

When you talked of your friend’s Chinese girlfriend were eating the chicken’s head that made you feel uneasy, actually you made me thought of the western men were sucking their fingers while they were eating the crispy chicken with some sauces and I was wondering if they washed their fingers carefully before they sucked their fingers - you never know if they just used this fingers while they were in the toilet.

When you talked about the divorced woman that, “…so even if she closes her eyes and grits her teeth, she will have sex with you….” I just wonder why you are so experienced with the Chinese woman and you know how and when to have sex with her? Did you meet enough easy girls in China and you went to bed with all of them? Oh, yes the prostitutes are the last type in your “ catalogs - Type 7. Only after you experienced all the types 1- 7 in your “catalog”, you can have the judgment, right?

Why should the divorced women be desperate? I hate to see you use the symbol “ DDH” for these women. I am also a divorced woman, but I am not desperate at all. I got divorced 8 years ago. I had only my kid and 2000 RMB on my hand with me at that time and I moved to a new city to start from zero. But now I have raised my kid to a tall , handsome, smart and cultured young guy, and I own 2 homes and 1 car now. I have been making a good life for myself and my kid by myself in the last years. I work in a large international company, and I am well- travelled around China and in Europe for business. I feel proud of myself because I work together with so many excellent colleagues. Why desperate ?

I do not understand what your intention is to write this Blog. Is it just to boast that you have experienced all the Chinese women Type 1-7 in your “catalog”? or you just want to figure out a way to the other western men how to access and find the Chinese woman they dream? But I am sure, you are both wrong.

#2013-11-05 18:41:30 by paulfox1 @paulfox1

Wow !!!

This is GREAT !!!!! - Thank you ALL for your varied and diverse responses to my article !

shirley9183 you say you have "lost respect" for me - why ?
anonymous - thanks for a great read !
barry1- hang on mate, I will come back to you in a few minutes

Guys, can you SEE what this is doing here ? This whole series of articles is based on my OWN experiences, yet at the same time are designed to "provoke" you guys to come back and not only challenge what I say, but also to voice your OWN opinions that are based on your OWN experiences
I don't believe this has happened before on CLM but I DO believe that many people have maybe WANTED to have an opportunity to voice their own opinions but have not had the chance to do so

So I am merely STARTING a point of view (with each of my blogs) and giving you the opportunity to voice your own experiences and opinions

So essentially, the whole IDEA of this series is already working - so a big THANK YOU - and keep the replies coming because they ALL make for interesting reading !

I really do not want to OFFEND anybody - I am merely opening up a topic of conversation on 6 types of Chinese woman (and OK, you want the 7th - I will give it to you - as I see it)

So please do not personally berate me for offering what is simply my own view - join in the debate/discussion and let's hear more of YOUR personal experiences with Chinese Woman

#2013-11-05 19:12:19 by paulfox1 @paulfox1


My words =

"Sex on the first Chinese date is possible, but unlikely and YOU should never try to instigate it! If she instigates it, then go for it – do NOT reject her!"

Your words =

"This is perhaps my only point of respectful disagreement with you, Paul. That is, if a foreigner is intending to see several women, I believe he should NOT have sex with any of them in deference to all the others, even if stridently requested to do so by the lady"

Your point is valid - however, my meaning was quite simple
In my experience, many Chinese women are fairly "conservative". Many of them think that western men are only interested in sex (which of course, is not true)
So my intention was to suggest that IF she instigates sex and you refuse - she is going to feel hurt, embarrassed, inferior, she may feel you don't like her and all kinds of emotions because you have "rejected her"

I am certainly NOT advocating the fact that you should be a playboy and jump into bed with any woman you can - but simply take into consideration HER feelings.....If she instigates sex then you should read the "moment" and make your own decision - just don't embarrass her !

Your points about domestic flights is also a good one, and I feel I should certainly elaborate on it

I am lucky because I have a good friend in China who speaks perfect English and books all my flights for me

However, we do not all have this "luxury" and I apologize for not going deeper into this subject

OK, so let's do this by example Barry

You want to meet girl #1 in say, Shanghai - so you book your ticket to Shanghai (from home)
She meets you at the airport and you have a couple of days with her before intending to go to (say) Beijing to meet #2
You may decide to tell #1 that you need to meet a customer in Beijing but you have not yet booked a flight
She will help you book on-line and the ticket will be sent to her phone (or yours)
You simply turn up at Shanghai airport (one of the 2 there) and show your e-ticket on your phone - easy !
Likewise with #2, you may need to fly to Guangzhou - she will help you book the ticket

The "problem" with many of these Chinese Domestic Flight web-sites is that they do not accept International Credit Cards (they may accept Visa/Mastercard etc - but not yours !)
So you may need her help to book and pay - so be prepared to give her cash
As for hotels, that's easy - just use the common (well-known web-sites like Expedia etc) and you should be able to book a hotel easy enough

With a bit of planning, it is easy

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