Chinese Women, Asian Women, Online Dating & Things Chinese and Asian
Barry from Australia is a questioning soul who looks at social issues from an alternative point of view and instead of asking, “Why?”, he asks “Why not?” He’s convinced that many of his previous incarnations were spent in China. He feels drawn to the people there; attracted by their rich culture and way of life. If given one wish from God, he’d reply, “I want everyone on Earth to be the same colour, speak the same language, and treat each other as they themselves would like to be treated.”
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Chinese Ladies: The Good, The Bad and the Somewhat Ugly (Part 4)    

By Barry Pittman
1498 Views | 15 Comments | 2/4/2019 2:32:49 PM

Life’s a continuing work in progress, full of challenges. Communicating appropriately with ladies, especially ones from another culture, is exactly the same. A learning process, a bit of a minefield, in fact.

Feeling quite chastened by the disconcerting encounter with the lady I’d interacted with in Part 3 of this series, I never made the same mistake again. That is, mentioning money in premature fashion. Fool that I was. Fool that in many ways, I still am.

Increasingly I came to realise that it wasn’t the length of life that was important, but its quality. The salutary lessons continue to this day. Fundamental to this was how one treated other people, how you made them feel. Especially when dealing with folk who through no fault of their own, had ended up in adverse situations, relative to your own. I regretted the fact that I'd made Lady 2 feel inadequate. Never again.

Through my experiences in China, I understood more than ever before, that all of us over time gain strength and wisdom, indelibly seared through the pain of ignorance and artlessness. Acquiring the skill of interculturally polite, respectful yet unambiguous communication was part of this process.

As far as Chinese ladies go, in reference to my last encounter, I've now revised my thinking. Become less selfish. I no longer automatically expect a potential partner to have much in the way of money or home ownership. I have enough funds to support two people, providing we don't live extravagantly. But in previous times, I hadn't thought this through properly. Of course, the content of a person's character, the attraction you felt for the person, was far more important than what worldly goods they possessed. In fact, it could fairly be argued that in many cases, the materially poorer a person was, meant that they were less likely to be mean spirited and/or arrogant, compared to richer, possibly haughtier types.

Reflecting introspectively, I wondered why for much of the past many years, I’d been a markedly thrifty person. Some would call it mean or stingy. These disingenuous terms didn't sit well with me however, they didn’t truly reflect my mindset. I’d struggled hard financially for a long time. In the US sharemarket tech wreck period around 2001 and 2002, most of my life savings had been lost. But now, in 2019, I’d more than made up for my losses. Miracles do happen. Goodness is all around us, if you look hard enough. Angels are everywhere.

God, or whatever higher power you choose to believe in, had been kind to me over past times. So much so that only a few weeks ago, I’d been able to splurge $120,000 on a used RV, a self-contained motorhome that had everything, from solar panels and internal battery storage, right down to a television and washing machine. I haven't yet driven it, apart from turning the motor over occasionally. But it sits here, ready and waiting. Such profligate indulgence. Such decadence. How would the destitute beggars living hopeless lives of quiet desperation and despair in the slums of Calcutta or Bangladesh assess this? The barefaced, blatant unfairness of it all? Or am I thinking too much?

So what was I waiting for? Why hadn't I yet driven the RV? That's what it was designed for, after all. Long, leisurely trips into the unknown. Journeys of a lifetime, each with a mountain of memories and experiences. Well, I was awaiting the arrival of Jenny. A sweet Chinese lady I’d met in China, soon after my previous girlfriend Lily had booted me so unkindly to the kerb. Jenny had visited me a year ago and was soon to return here again, God bless her. Jenny seemed to like me, I had no idea why. I simply accepted the happy situation, covertly wondering how long it would last. All of my previous relationships had discouragingly withered on the vine, Would this one prove to be the exception to the rule? I truly hoped so. Give it my best shot!

But this is a compelling topic for another time. This current article deals with my experiences with Chinese ladies I’ve met during my time on this site. To this end, let’s look at Lady Three, another interesting female character that I soon realised were quite abundant on this intriguing and undeniably teasing website. One that represented the hopes and dreams, the plans and schemes of so many needy Western men, myself included.

(To be continued)

Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
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#2019-02-04 14:32:33 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

Barry, this post has suddenly made me very curious about what you consider to be the deal making characteristics you seek in a potential lifemate, as well as what are the deal breaking characteristics in such a potential mate?

Every person seeking a lifemate through online dating should have created these two lists before ever posting their first profile on a dating site, but damned few do. I didn't when I started online dating, nor did I after several years of online dating and multiple failed relationships developed during that process. Frankly I had not done so even at the time of meeting and ultimately marrying my now wife of 11 plus years.

But since starting and I have come to realize that it is the most important step a person can take in preparing to try to meet your perfect match while online dating. Frankly, it is just as important when starting to date offline.

So my question of you is, "Have you created these two lists breaking down the positive and negative human characteristics in a lifemate that would either seal the deal or shatter it?

If so, would you be willing to share them with us now?

#2019-02-04 14:53:47 by Barry1 @Barry1


"Have you created these two lists breaking down the positive and negative human characteristics in a lifemate that would either seal the deal or shatter it? If so, would you be willing to share them with us now?"

In answer to your question John, no, I haven't made lists. But upon thinking about it, a summary of the likes and dislikes I personally prefer are as follows:

LIKES: Someone slim, who is interested in maintaining their health through healthy eating and regular exercise. Someone who is at least a little pleasing to my eyes, although she wouldn't need to be classically beautiful. Someone who has an even temper, who isn't spolit or high maintenance. Someone with compatible sex needs, that is, wanting neither too much nor too little sex, to an unreasonable degree. Someone who is open minded and curious about what's happening in this world.

DISLIKES: Basically this is simply answered by referring to the above.  For example, I wouldn't want someone too fat, who isn't interested in healthy living or who has minimal interest in sex.  And so forth. 

Good question, John. I hope others will reflect upon this matter carefully. (y)

#2019-02-04 15:35:56 by anonymous18960 @anonymous18960

Have you created these two lists breaking down the positive and negative human characteristics in a lifemate that would either seal the deal or shatter it?



I prepared these two lists in 2009 and got them wrong. Does that mean they are a waste of time? No, they are essential but you need to be aware that these two lists may contain misunderstandings of what is truly in your best interest.

#2019-02-06 01:31:25 by newbeginning @newbeginning

Barry you old dog! Did you really spend $120,000 on a used RV or was that meant to be $12,000? Also I assume that is in Aussie dollars?  If your not going to drive it until a certain Chinese female shows up then put out some deck chairs (beside the RV), music, beer, fire up the bbq and have an old time campout in your own yard! Screw the neighbors lol  

Looking forward to your next episode mate.



#2019-02-06 11:59:12 by paulfox1 @paulfox1


To be honest, I'd like to read YOUR two lists. You have obviously made 'mistakes', yet are now happily married, as you stated.

As I read this article, and your comment, right now I am at a loss as to what 'things' I would put on any potential list. Barry speaks of 'materialism' above, and I remember him telling me several times, (while he was with Lily), that she often called him a 'tight-wad'.

To be fair, many Asian women, not just Chinese, are materialistic, yet I have no doubt there are just as many in western countries.

I now find myself asking why. Is it just a matter of 'protection' for the future? Some kind of 'safety-net' for when one in unable to work? Or does it go much deeper than that?

When is enough, 'enough'?

Do we need material things to make us happy?

Personally I remember about a decade ago when I had a net worth of around $2 million dollars. Now I look back, after an acrimonious divorce that left me with f*ck-all, and ask myself was I any happier then than I am now? The answer is a resounding No!

The 'Bible-worshipers' will quote the phrase 'pleasures of the flesh', and most would interpret that to simply mean 'sex', but it doesn't. It means all 'earthly pleasures' which would include your big house, flash car, and Barry's RV.


So again, in seeking a partner, all I would ask is that she's not 'materialistic', but as for making a 'list', (and checking it twice, lol), I'm actually quite stumped.

#2019-02-06 14:32:43 by Barry1 @Barry1



"Did you really spend $120,000 on a used RV or was that meant to be $12,000?"


My figure was accurate mate, one hundred and twenty thousand Aussie dollars. New price is $160,000.  These vehicles aren't cheap!


Hopefully I can write some more words about it once I start touring. At eight metres long and weighing 4.5 tonne, it's no flyweight!  (giggle)



#2019-02-06 14:35:55 by Barry1 @Barry1



"I remember him telling me several times, (while he was with Lily), that she often called him a 'tight-wad'"


Well Paul, what Lily consistently ignored was I gave up my work in Australia, to fly to China and live there for a year or so, in a job that I had nil experience in (teaching).  Pretty daunting stuff!  Most wouldn't do this.


So to then be referred to as selfish or mean was an unjustified slap in the face, in my view.  :^)



#2019-02-07 16:24:41 by paulfox1 @paulfox1


Perhaps you've taken my intended meaning of these words in the wrong way.

When I mentioned I knew that Lily had often referred to you as being a 'tightwad', was that because you ARE a 'tightwad', or that she was just being a materialistic bint that was never satisfied?

There's a very famous quote in China now. It came from a TV dating show where the Chinese girl said, and I quote, 'I'd rather cry in the back of a BMW than smile on the front seat of a pushbike"

#2019-02-09 01:27:01 by newbeginning @newbeginning

I think all people are tighwads until it comes to something we really want. If a person is poor or middle income it serves no purpose to spend our money like we are millionaires just to feel good. Very few wealthy people flaunt their money or spend above their actual means as they are usually more than preoccupied with not losing it. Now there exceptions to the rule in everything in life. $120,000 Aussie dollars is approximately $85,000 US buckaroonies, or enough to live in China for 10 or more years living comfortably, or many years of using the RV in the backwoods with a loved one. 

All Chinese women want to be treated like princesses, just as we want to be treated like Kings right? Just that Chinese cultures version of a princess is being spoiled with material things and money. Indian culture is similar in many ways to Chinese culture. If the women dont get what they want be prepared to duck and cover. lol I saw a video on Youtube of a Chinese woman screaming at her husband and the salesman as well as hitting both of them because he couldnt afford the BMW she wanted, so she shows her little empress behaviour and drives the car right out of the show I sure wouldnt want to be that guy. 

There is a saying where I live: chinese women make wonderful wives if you can afford it. I know it is a bit on the stereotype side but deep down for the most part it is true. Still I would rather deal with that than the man hating obese self entitled feminazis we have in the west.

Barry, if it doesnt work out with your new woman I will gladly go RVing in your RV with you mate.

Find me a woman that is athletic, has an athletic body, is intelligent, likes fishing, camping, the odd cigar and red wine/port I would be a "happy camper".  


Cheers mate!



#2019-02-09 01:39:50 by woaizhongguo @woaizhongguo

@PaulFox1: It should be stated that Ma Nuo, the contestant on Chinese dating show "If You are the One" who uttered that statement, was roundly condemned for preferring crying in the back of a BMW to smiling on a bicycle. Although it certainly represents the sentiment of a segment of Chinese women, it is a segment those on ChinaLoveMatch would be well-advised to stay away from. We've all experienced women who are never statisfied, like Ma Nuo. I would argue, however, that the sentiment of most Chinese women is in the middle, between BMWs and bicycles. A solid, affordable sedan will do. Just keep it clean. (I have always been amazed--and somewhat disgraced--by how impeccable Chinese keep the insides of their autos). Since "materialistic" has negative connotations, I would not call materialism a standard trait of Chinese women. However, they do expect financial stability, and that seems to me not a negative thing but incredibly pragmatic and sensible. 

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