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John Abbot is co-owner of ChinaLoveMatch.net. Married to a lovely Chinese Lady and living in China, John knows and respects China, Chinese Women, Chinese People and Chinese Culture. His blog will include good stuff about Online Dating, Chinese Women, International Relationships and Things Chinese. Join John Abbot on Google+
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Chinese Dating Sites - What About the Women?    

By John Abbot
2995 Views | 15 Comments | 9/1/2016 10:28:57 PM

This photo is active on other dating sites but in Scammer Prison on ChinaLoveMatch.

We recently received a message from a member of CLM asking about the number of Chinese women on CLM, why he is not getting much interest and why there don't seem to be many young Chinese women here. I have posted it below along with my response. I thought the discussion might be of interest to the men as a whole, and I am also interested in receiving member's thoughts on the subject too.



Member's Message



I joined your site recently. It seems to me that there is not real interest in me. It seems strange. However I want to upgrade because your site is the best but it seems to me there are not many women to make a choice from, or are my criteria to strict? Are there really no younger woman on this site? I shall appreciate comments.



CLM Response



This message is from John Abbot, Managing Director of CLM and ALM. Your message was passed up to me to respond.



There are a couple of reasons why our site seems short on women compared to some other Chinese dating sites. The primary reason is that we never post fake memberships and never will. Most other sites have taken to posting thousands of members who are not real. The members can be purchased from the so called "white label" dating sites for about $50 per thousand (or less). Of course, they may have signed up sometime, on some site, but they have no idea they are on the site that purchased them, so they never will login there.



The second reason is that we recently went through our annual renewal of our company in Hong Kong, and Baidu is currently reviewing our new Business License. This is standard operating procedure regarding any International Chinese dating site such as CLM. While that happens, every year, our Ads on Baidu are temporarily placed on hold until the License has made its way through the endless Chinese red tape. We expect that to be over any day now.



The third reason is our site is relatively scammer free. Sometimes scammers get through and are approved but we get rid of them as quickly as we can find them. We don't just let them roam free so our site will seem busier, which is what other sites do. We've had a recent report from one Scammer Hunter that he found 160 active memberships on ChinaLoveCupid.com using the same photos of members we have placed in our Scammer Prison. That suggests there maybe many hundreds more using other photos. We reject up to 40% of registrations daily, through a manual review of every registration, because we suspect they are scammers. We have had days where we reject more than we accept. Nobody else does that.



Regarding younger women, we get quite a few young women who register (more young women than young men), but it is no longer the case that young Chinese women on International Chinese dating sites are necessarily seeking older Western men, because they've become astutely aware that the economic future is in China.  The younger women are looking for younger men now, and are often not in any kind of rush to marry. This has been a major change even since we started the site 9 years ago.



Finally, we don't wish to be harsh, but your location doesn't help you. There is so much turmoil in the world right now, and so much scamming on the internet, that Chinese women are shying away from countries other than the USA, UK, Canada, Australia, New Zealand and many European countries. Perhaps they always were to some degree but it has become more so recently.



We wish we could be more glowing for you, but we believe in honesty here.  



What we can say is that you have an excellent chance of meeting a real match on CLM if you are truly seeking one; a better chance than on any other Chinese dating site. But, if you are 63 (you are not but I am, so for example) and seeking a 29 year old Chinese woman for a life partner, the chances of that relationship lasting more than a year or two is basically nil regardless of which site you met on. It is not that those relationships can never work, but they tend to only work if they happen by chance. A man who states he is seeking a much younger woman might get many volunteers, but damned few who are truly sincerely interested in something other than money.



On the other hand, you could easily land a beautiful Chinese woman in her late forties or early fifties who is seriously interested a long term relationship, and compared to a typical Western woman, she will look to be in her thirties. You get a mature but younger looking woman who will seriously love and care for you.



I personally am married to a Chinese woman who is 53, but depending on what she is wearing and how she grooms herself she will look to be anywhere from 35 to 43. If she wears the right clothes and puts her hair in Chinese pigtails, she can easily pass for late twenties (which is damned embarrassing).



She is attractive, full of life and a source of constant entertainment, amusement combined with warmth and caring. Sometimes she comes off as a little bossy, but usually that pertains to something I am doing that is not particularly good for me, so I've learned to say "Yes Dear", and wait until she leaves the room to continue. It's a small price to pay for all the benefits.



We've been together for close to 11 years and married for coming on 10, and there is no sign of it being anything but a lasting and loving partnership. 



I highly recommend you consider this route if you are seriously looking for a true Chinese love and not just a trophy Chinese wife.


Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
Comments
(Showing 1 to 10 of 15) 1 2 More...
#2016-09-02 06:35:16 by Anniehow @Anniehow

John, you nailed it on the head on the age difference and changes in Chinese women's mindset. Many men who hold on to the old stereotype are living in denial and illusion.

You definitely should share your story of know you got to know your wife and pictures. That will be a damn perfect testimony. Anybody out there who are with me?

#2016-09-02 19:31:51 by Imi5922 @Imi5922

John, I have to agree with Anniehow on this one. Just like the dot gives the meaning to the line in the exclamation mark, the few paragraphs in the bottom of your article where you try to convince a member with your heart, not with your brain, for the reason CLM is the way it is, was like a fresh air to a drowning man.

 

To me, this was the first time reading something from you where you let yourself a bit romantic. Everybody knows you from the picture where you look into the distance with a small smirk on your face as you steer the CLM ship the best as you can through hard times and good times. But what is nicer to listen to than a man who talks about how he looks at his wife after ten years of marriage.

 

I've never seen a picture of her, but you made me curious to see her. Just as much as you like to see the picture of my wife, now, after this few paragraphs, I would love to see a photo of your wife attached to a full article where you just talk about what she means to you. What could be a more pleasing and convincing sight for new members to see than the owners of a dating site steering the ship together with happy smiles on their faces?

 

If you did that, I would be willing to convince my wife to let me post her photos on an article of mine. What do you say, John?  

 

#2016-09-02 20:13:01 by paulfox1 @paulfox1


@Anniehow

I'll second your proposal, Annie(happy). Yeah, come on John, give us the story...

#2016-09-02 22:58:54 by anonymous15448 @anonymous15448

John your answer to the member was well said and continues to show the beneifts of belonging to a site that has it's members best interests at heart.



I agree with Anniehow, I would love to hear aout how John and his wife met, fell in love and got married. Let the blogging begin!



Cheers....


#2016-09-03 11:17:28 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

@Anniehow @Imi5922 @paulfox1 @anonymous15448


I once wrote a blog about a visit her father made to us in Hangzhou for Chinese New Years, and in that blog I posted a picture of the two of them (Father and Daughter) and another picture of my wife. It turns out that they are both very private people and I suffered a great deal of abuse for posting those pictures.I removed the pictures from the blog under a scathing glare from both angry parties.


The only thing preventing me from posting a picture of my wife again is abject fear, but that is enough.


However, I will try to find the time to describe our meeting sans the photo soon.


#2016-09-03 20:49:43 by YinTingYu @YinTingYu

@Anniehow. @John Abbot

Annie,... I also sense a most astute and, in my mind, VERY correct response from John to this member's letter. John always does good (hehe). It's just his way.

Regarding  age difference and changes in the Chinese woman's mindset. I agree!! Remember please that this agreement is ONLY from my limmited experience.

For me, it has never been an age or generation gap but more of a VALUE gap. It just happens to coincide with age and generation. This is why I feel that a Lady in her mid to late 30's to 50, who has some serious life experience, might be the best choice for me and, I have been correct,... so far (hehe). I seek a balance of old customs and modern practice together in one "package". Not easy!!

The person who wrote this letter to John, in my mind, is definitely a "newbee" to CLM and needs an explanation of what the quality of members and the intentions of CLM are.

John has done this admirably (as usual).

Now,...I am in definite agreement with you on John sharing photo(s) with members for "damn perfect testimony"!!  I think it would be GREAT but,... I am in no position to request such. We got to be gentle and respectful with this fellow.John.

John  has shared so much with us. If a member has enough intelligence to read,  "little by little",...this fellow John wiil become clear.. Consider the small circular pic in his last "Happy New Year" blog, John and  "Pot of Heat". I don't think this has been a fault on John's part at ALL!!  It's just the way it has unfolded. You know,...small bits of information here and there in his comments and blogs that eventually reveal who John Abbot is.   I'm OK with that.

As far as sharing photos,...well,... I would like to see 1 photo of John and the Lady he is married with, including the children and little "Hot Pot" doggie. Maybe 1 shot on one blog article. Something to refer to if needed. This could be a defitine reference to the type of life and lady John has found in China (sweet). I certainly would like to know this fellow and his family on a private basis. However I,...posting no photos publicly,...am really in no position to request from John but still,...(hehe).

I must respect John's subtle desire for a certain degree of "privacy"  regarding photos. He respects mine and I respect his as well as your's. Also,... John is Captain of this CLM ship. We make the request of 1 photo from John, hidden in the blogs yet,... available if needed. I do my photos in private only. No pressure on Johnny. Right ??

Annie please,... Let John decide about photos. OK ??

I'm tired of typing. HaHa !!!!

Peace to You and John and All,

Gongji,

Y.T.Y.

 

 

 

#2016-09-05 22:28:31 by Anniehow @Anniehow

The discussion of age difference reminds me of the recent celebrity gossip in China. Wang Baoqiang, a self-made actor, found his wife involved in an affair with his own agent and publicly announced a divorce. Even though there is no huge age difference between the two, there are actually a huge disparity In other aspects. Wang grew up at Shaolin Temple with very little education and    appearance -wise, he is considered below average. It turned out that What attracted the beautiful university graduate was his fame and wealth instead of strong emotional connection and/or physical chemistry.



Huge gap in important factors leads to great risks in marriage and these factors include age difference. If people want a successful marriage with some one much younger, think about what they can offer to their partners. Age difference is not as simple as it seems as it is closely linked to physical chemistry, health, values, outlook on life and daily habits. It is bewildering that many men are obsessed with and defend their passion for a much younger lady when they claim Asian women look much younger for their age. Is it denial to face the reality of getting old or a twisted self image?



There are already a lot of challenges and differences in a cross cultural relationship. Age disparity will only enlarge the challenge a few times. Let's face the reality, not everybody is Liu Qiangdong, a wealthy and handsome millionaire who can manage marrying a young and beautiful university graduate 19 years his senior. Being average Joe ( Mary ) who want a peaceful life with little drama, it is better to man up and face the reality.


#2016-09-06 16:53:28 by melcyan @melcyan

@Anniehow

Well said! Choosing the right partner is a difficult process. A large age gap considerably magnifies that difficulty.

ps "19 year his senior" should be "19 years his junior"

#2016-09-09 00:24:46 by QinQL @QinQL

@Anniehow ,anybody out there who are with you? hahah, interesting. I wanted to follow you but too late that John have already given you an enough reason. Just waiting for his story.

 

#2016-09-10 21:49:13 by Anniehow @Anniehow

 

John, you can share your story about your wife here, if it is okay with your wife.

As for your wife's photo or your photo with your wife, I do not mind if you send it to your volunteer translator's mailbox. ;)

 Don't you think it is a win-win solution?

 

 

 

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