Chinese Women, Asian Women, Online Dating & Things Chinese and Asian
Imi was born and raised in Europe, Hungary. After finishing his school years, he moved to Canada to search for a better life. He lived in Toronto for 13 years and currently resides in Vancouver. He is a romantic at heart with a strong desire to always do the right thing. He would like to give hope to the Chinese and Asian ladies with his story and send a message that love eventually finds everybody.
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China Has a Sex Problem    

By Imi
3520 Views | 6 Comments | 1/13/2016 1:56:01 PM

After all the fights on my "Are You a Player?" article, I still have some truculence left in me and want to talk about the same topic–SEX. John, I don't mean to start the Second CLM War here with this blog, but I feel that I need to talk about a problem that had been bugging me since I visited my current Chinese girlfriend for the first time.


To me, personally, sex is important, and yes, I love to talk about sex with my girlfriend.


Can I live without sex? Yes, I can. There were times when I hadn't had sex for 2 or 3 years at a time when I was in my 30s. However, when I had a lady friend in my life, I couldn't imagine myself going without touching her for more than 2 or 3 days.


Paul mentioned a Chinese friend of his in his later comment, after we had apologized to each other on my "Are You a Player?" article, who kept stalling the wedding day with his long-term Chinese girlfriend just because, in Chinese tradition, a baby has to be on the way very soon after the wedding, and the man was afraid of not touching his wife for almost a year (in my original country it's three weeks before the due date and three weeks after) if that would happen. This friend of Paul's felt that he wasn't ready, mentally or physically, to deal with that long, sexless year. Paul also mentioned another Chinese friend who hadn't had sex for four years with his wife.


Now, I'm that kind of a man who likes to see both sides of problems. We have a guy on one hand who feels that he's being neglected in bed for different reasons: a baby is on the way, or his wife doesn't like sex and lets his huge band of swimmers become stale at the starting line for four years. And we have a woman, on the other hand, who doesn't miss sex that much, if at all, and can live a fulfilling life without it, even so a flesh and blood man lays beside her every single night ready to give her the ride of her life.


I think this is a big problem because sex can break a marriage if it's not harmonious.


Before I went to see my current girlfriend in China, we had never talked about sex, so I didn't know what to expect. To make a long story short, we ended up in bed after a few days. We were attracted to each other, and she was hungry, and so was I. Nothing was wrong with that. I know that the first time between new lovers is never great, so I didn't expect a lot. However, with her, I felt that I was restricted. I couldn't do what I usually liked to do. She pushed me away with her hands or verbally stopped me when I wanted to do certain things. To put it in a way that is acceptable to CLM, she was like a piano. She let me use, instead of two hands, only three fingers on one hand to play her keys. A piano has either 88 or 85 keys, I was allowed to play something 30 keys with three fingers. I wasn't able to play my kind of music with her. Our first song, our first duet, didn't get the Grammy Award. Not even close.


I felt what Paul's friends might have felt with their ladies. Before I closed my eyes while lying beside her, I knew that if it stayed like this, I couldn't be with her.


The next morning, we sat down on the couch in the hotel room, and I asked her what she thought about the previous night's sex. I was straightforward with her, and she went red from her hairline to her neck. She told me she had never talked to her husband or boyfriends about this. I said, "I can't imagine myself touching you again if we don't talk about this right now."


Very slowly, she opened up to me and told me things that surprised me greatly. She told me that three years into her marriage, her sex life reduced to doing it once every month. I thought, "No wonder her husband left her."


When I asked her why only once a month, she said she didn't enjoy it because her husband just put it in and two minutes later took it out. She felt that she was used as a toilet. When I asked her why she hadn't talked to her husband about doing it for a longer time and what she liked him to do, she turned red again and said, “Because I don't think anyone does that in China. I know that my girlfriends don't do it.”


She also told me that one of her girlfriends was going to get divorced soon because of the untouchable boredom in bed. I was flabbergasted. It seemed there were a significant number of couples in China that prefer to get divorced than talk about their frustrations in the bedroom.


My mind couldn't grasp it, at all. It took me only five hours to change her mind about something that she, just like other people in China, thought was a taboo topic. It seems, people, instead of spending five hours of an intimate conversation about something that they do or not do in bed, they go and get divorced in 30 minutes, ruining everything that they worked for, making a big dent in their child or children's lives and theirs as well.


I think just as Paris has a rat problem with its old sewage system, China has a sex problem because of its ancient traditions. People in China need to find the way to educate themselves about sex.


I'm lucky because my girlfriend was willing to change. She lets me play all “keys” of hers with both hands, and now she's the one who brings up this "taboo" topic sometimes how and what to do to make our duets better when I'll come to see her next time.


I know that people have hard time watch a movie or read a book about how to make their sex life better in China. But if you can get a movie, watch it. If you can get a book, read it. Porn is not just for perverts. Porn can teach, too. However, it's not enough just to watch it. You need to practice what you saw, and MOST IMPORTANTLY, you have to find a way to be able to TALK about what and how you like to do with your significant other.


There is no two women in the world who are the same, and that goes for men as well. Everybody has different taste in sex. However, if a couple found the way to work toward a harmonious sex life, they could create something beautiful that is unique just for the two of them.


If I weren't patient with my girlfriend, or she wasn't open enough to talk about a BEAUTIFUL, NATURAL thing, I would've lost a wonderful lady, and she would've lost a good man.


Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
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#2016-01-13 14:33:24 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

Imi, there really is no question that you've hit the nail on the head with the issue of Chinese people, both male and female, struggling to communicate with each other about sex. It is by no means universal, but it certainly true of a much higher percentage of people than in the West. China seems to be about 40 years behind the West in that regard, at least based on my experiences.

My first wife was frankly a lot like Chinese are. Raised a Catholic to very successful but conservative farmers, she just could not bear any serious discussion about sex and intimacy. Of course, back then it was okay to make jokes about sex, and put on a public show of being sexually experienced and worldly, but when it came time to actually discuss sex as a serious component of a relationship, the room suddenly got very quiet.

I'd have to say that we men weren't much better, but I at least knew that when things weren't working sexually between us, at the age of 22, the relationship was not going to last. So I frequently would try to get my wife to discuss her likes and dislikes, what she fantasized about, what turned her on. And when I did, there suddenly formed a wall of ice between us.

Granted, I was not likely very adept at broaching the subject in a manner that made it easy for her to overcome her own shyness, but had she been able to open up and discuss sex, there is a chance, albeit a slim one, that we'd still be together today. Instead, after 12 long years of her breaking into tears over the pressure of trying to discuss something she'd been trained from birth was not a fit topic for discussion, I finally pulled the pin and ended the marriage.

But guess what? My second marriage, with a woman I was captivated by and who was equally captivated by me, and in which the sex was astounding and was the endless topic of open, honest, frank and also damned playful discussion, also ended in the 12th year. We clearly loved each other, we enjoyed each other's company, but we couldn't agree on the path we wanted to follow in the future. It was a situation that reminds me of what @Barry1 is facing now, and we failed to find a solution and keep things together. I hope Barry proves to be a better man than I was back then, and is able to find a path that he and Tina can agree to follow together.

Is sex important to a lasting relationship? I think it is one of multiple features of a marriage that plays a serious role in defining whether the marriage will last or not. But the weave of the marital relationship is so complex, and encompasses such a mixture of threads, each of which can make or break the overall strength or durability of the cloth, that I can say with some certainty great sex alone will not keep a marriage together and bad sex alone will not break it apart.

Openness and honesty, however, is a combination of features of a marriage that I think are essential to it lasting. Without those two things being in sync, there is no hope.

It sounds like the two of you have gotten off to a great start in exercising openness and honesty insofar as sex is concerned. Hopefully now you can continue that in all aspects of your relationship. If so I see a bright and long lasting future together for the two of you.

Great blog! Thanks for sharing.

#2016-01-13 18:24:11 by paulfox1 @paulfox1


Yes, China has a sex problem - and one that ain't going away fairly soon
Like both of you, I have been successful as well as unsuccessful when talking (or TRYING to talk) about this issue with a Chinese lady
Imi, you were lucky, John, you were not - simple as that

But BOTH the couples I highlighted in my earlier blog (the 2 examples Imi talks about here) are BOTH Chinese

We have all TRIED to discuss this subject with a Chinese lady and have either succeeded or not - but we have at least TRIED
Both my friends are Chinese males, so there is no WAY they would ever even DREAM of broaching this as a topic of conversation between them and their respective wives
For now, China is, as John says, at LEAST 40 years behind the west when it comes to the subject of sex and thankfully, 40 years behind the west in many other areas too

#2016-01-14 21:08:55 by anonymous14444 @anonymous14444

As a Chinese woman, my advice is : Guys, talk about sex before you see the woman in China, or you will probably just waste your money and time to meet in person, because there are a lot of immature women like Imi's current Chinese gf. I have a female friend who is in her second marriage now. But her faces get red once we talk about sex even just slightly .And yes, she is HUGE immature and rediculous.

As for chinese women, they may get hurt if you left them for this reason.

#2016-01-22 11:15:26 by anonymous14467 @anonymous14467

To add to what anonymous14444 said. NEVER ever date a virgin chinese woman. They are way too immature. Not just sexually, but in everything regarding life and relationships. It's not worth the trouble.

#2016-02-01 03:33:53 by Macchap @Macchap

Those are bold statements. How do you bring the topic "Sex" and everything you want to know from her on this subject on the agenda without giving her the impression that you're only interested in sex?

#2016-02-04 19:04:43 by anonymous14517 @anonymous14517

Well, any mature woman(include mature chinese woman) understand sex is a part of a serious relationship ,you could talk about sex with the one you love after you are sure you both in love,start with some flirt maybe,if she is mature, she wouldnt take it as affence.Also, if she is truly in love with you, i believe she has the same desire,doesnt she?;)

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