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A writer for CLM Magazine and CLM Social Pages, Achelle is also an independent blogger, giving her two cents on personal and social issues from an educated Filipina's point of view, especially those relating to love and relationships. She has a knack for tackling issues from unique angles that are often left unexplored, posing questions that move and challenge readers to view a certain issue from a wholly different perspective. Achelle is happily engaged to her childhood sweetheart and is currently based in the Philippines. Achelle's writing is a delight to read and highly enlightening, entertaining and thought provoking. You're going to see lots of her on our Emagazine, Blogs, Social Pages and Hubs. Enjoy
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Changes and Loss    

By Achelle Vinzon
4760 Views | 4 Comments | 9/26/2014 12:13:48 PM

Grief is in two parts. The first is loss. The second is the remaking of life. - Anne Roiphe


Dreaming was free so I dreamt big.  I was going to be a neurosurgeon or a scientist.  I attended the premier university in our country and took up pre-med. 


But the unexpected happened and I had to adjust my plans.  I became a mother at a young age.  I could still become a doctor or a scientist; but that would have meant a lot of time spent pursuing my dream instead of spending it with my daughter.  I had the opportunity to apply for the prestigious Fulbright Scholarship in the U.S., but I didn’t go through with it because the possibility of being accepted meant having to make the impossibly difficult choice between leaving behind my daughter and giving up a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. 


So I changed my plans, altered the course of my life, and re-arranged my priorities.  It was not an easy decision to make, but I knew it was the right one. 


Being a young mother has its unique challenges; I have never dwelled on those, however.  I have always wanted to give more thought to its joys and perks.  I have said time and again that I have an old soul; perhaps this was the reason why I was able to cope remarkably well with getting pregnant and being a mother at a young age.  I made bad choices when I was younger (who hasn’t?); but no experience, good or bad, has ever been wasted on me.  There is always a lesson to be learned, and if you walk away from a bad choice a better and wiser person than you were before, then any bad choice you have made would not have been for nothing.  Wouldn’t you agree?


I lost many, valuable things and great possibilities when I became a young mother; but considering what I gained in return, accepting and getting over the losses became easy.  We have been through a lot, my daughter and I; I have failed her many times.  But I am proud to say that she has grown to be a kind-hearted, resilient, and brave young lady.  I must have also done many things right! 


Having a child at a young age meant that I will still be relatively young when my daughter goes off to college, and I’ll have my own life again to live any way I want.  Another goal that I’ve always hoped to accomplish was to travel, and the career that I chose could make that happen.  When my daughter leaves home for college, I could go anywhere, live anywhere really, and continue to write.  If a man would come into my life again and stayed for good, then I would have a companion wherever it is I would end up in.             


And somebody did.  A lost love found its way back into my life, both of us broken in different ways; but those broken pieces rearranged themselves to give us a better canvas on which we could paint a better future. 


It was another turning point in my life; it was a huge but welcome change.  I had to re-evaluate all the plans I made as a single mom, with a new purpose and with my partner beside me.  Eventually, we talked about having another baby.  We tried for many months and kept getting disappointed.  After nearly a year of trying, we got a positive result.  Needless to say, we were ecstatic.  Our family and friends were happy and excited for us. 


Over the first few days, we started to make new and more concrete plans for the future, which now held a more beautiful promise.  We were both overjoyed that we will be sharing this experience with each other.  We knew having a baby would demand more from us; some of our dreams will have to take a back seat.  But we were excited more than anything else. 


My first experience with motherhood had been a challenging one; but the rewards had also been greater.  This time around, it would be of the ideal kind, so to speak.  I couldn’t wait to see my daughter as a big sister; I couldn’t wait to see how our dogs would be around our baby; I couldn’t wait to see my relationship with my partner grow even deeper and stronger as we raised our child together. 


But in a single night, the beautiful promise was taken away from us.  I lost the life I was carrying inside me.  I suffered a miscarriage.  We were both devastated; but I think I felt it more than he did.  I felt like I failed as a woman.  I felt like I failed him as a mate. 


The physical pain of having my unborn baby’s life wrenched away from inside of me is nothing compared to the deeper pain of loss and emptiness that was left behind. 


Change is inevitable; we have to learn to adapt.  We will all suffer from loss many times during our existence; we will have to learn to take the first step and move on.  Life will give us many unexpected blows, and it will give us many surprises, as well.  Whether good or bad, every experience is a chance to write a new and better chapter in our life.      

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#2014-09-26 12:34:30 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

Achelle, I think you know I am devastated for you. It was only a few days ago you announced your good news to me and the joy in your heart was clearly almost overwhelming. Please accept my heartfelt condolences to you, to Hans, and your daughter, and all of your family, who were all no doubt excited to welcome a new babe into the tribe.

I hope your health is fine, and this is just a stumble in the marathon of life, and motherhood, and that just around the next bend another child takes hold inside you and chooses to finish the race to birth and beyond with such an obviously wonderful mother.

Be strong, joy will come again. John

#2014-09-26 19:42:48 by Barry1 @Barry1

What a bittersweet story you've spun us here, Achelle.

First came the terrific news of you falling pregnant as you'd planned, then almost instantly this happiness was replaced by a gnawing emptiness, as you described the terrible miscarriage to us.

Nothing important - either good or bad - happens in our lives without a reason. Knowing this however often doesn't dissipate the profound sadness when something like this happens.

I'm not exactly sure from what you've written, how recent these events were. Maybe a month ago or maybe a year - but no matter. Our thoughts and our hearts go out toward you. If anyone can cope with such an emotional and physical calamity such as this, it's you.

Thank you for sharing this experience with us, Achelle. May peace and many blessings be with you always.

#2014-09-29 15:30:48 by AchelleVinzons @AchelleVinzons

@JohnAbbot, thank you for your words of comfort. I am trying my best to believe that there are better days ahead.

#2014-09-29 15:37:28 by AchelleVinzons @AchelleVinzons

@Barry1, thank you for the warm words. This, too, shall pass. I have been blessed with the kindness of friends, acquaintances, and even strangers, and I am grateful.

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