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A writer for CLM Magazine and CLM Social Pages, Achelle is also an independent blogger, giving her two cents on personal and social issues from an educated Filipina's point of view, especially those relating to love and relationships. She has a knack for tackling issues from unique angles that are often left unexplored, posing questions that move and challenge readers to view a certain issue from a wholly different perspective. Achelle is happily engaged to her childhood sweetheart and is currently based in the Philippines. Achelle's writing is a delight to read and highly enlightening, entertaining and thought provoking. You're going to see lots of her on our Emagazine, Blogs, Social Pages and Hubs. Enjoy
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CHILDHOOD SECRETS    

By Achelle Vinzon
4506 Views | 4 Comments | 7/11/2014 2:11:36 PM

Why remember now, after so many years?  And perhaps more importantly, how could she have repressed such a terrible experience?  Her relationship with her papa never changed even after it happened.  Even now, as the memories continue to crash like waves over her, threatening to drown her, she can’t remember ever being emotionally and psychologically damaged by the abuse; at least, not in the same way that most children who suffered the same were usually damaged. 



Was that a good thing?  She should have been angry, should have been hating him all these years. 



She (Dawn) sits back and closes her eyes.  She does not know how to continue, or if she wants to.  She feels that she has gone as far as she can.  No more. 



Until now, the only people who know about what happened are her closest friends from college.  Soon after that physical contact on the bus triggered the surge of those painful memories, she found it impossible to bury them again and felt the need for some release.  It helped. 



She only saw her papa again whenever he took a break from his work abroad, which was every two years; she considered that a small blessing.  She knew her relationship with him, the way she looked at him and felt towards him, would never be the same.  What used to be warm memories of childhood had, since then, been blanketed by upsetting and ugly shadows. 



Over time, perhaps, the anger and revulsion will fade away.  But right now, in the present, writing everything down, giving an indelible form to that hurtful experience through her character, Dawn, leaves her feeling shattered and empty.          



She looks at the clock and sees that it’s past midnight.  She stares back at her computer screen and decides that it’s time to close that chapter in her life for now. 



She opens her messenger box and lets H know that she’s going to bed. 



Sleep doesn’t come right away.  Over the last few months, since she and H got back together, she had been contemplating whether or not she should share with him this ugly secret.  She knows he’ll be angry; she’s ready for that.  But it’s the telling itself that will be difficult.  Saying the words, reliving the experience again.  Maybe she should wait until she can tell him in person.  But then again, she doesn’t want to ruin what precious time they will have when he finally comes to visit her. 



She never liked secrets.  They’re dead weight she’d rather live without.  But as she grew older, she came to realize that there are some secrets that are better left untold; they hurt more than they heal.  And there are secrets that some people need to know, for better understanding, for inner peace.  She knows that hers is the latter.  When the right time comes, she will tell him.



Her mind is exhausted, but still wide awake.  She thinks about the time she will be spending with H in just a few hours, and she eventually drifts off to sleep feeling lighter and less tormented.  


Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
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#2014-07-11 14:24:01 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

I am struggling a little with this blog, because in some ways the content is very disturbing and brings out emotions that one would rather not feel, and thoughts that one would rather not have. That all makes it difficult to read, but the writing is just so good, and riveting, that while it may be difficult to read, it is impossible not to.

Well done Achelle. I spent 14 years in a marriage with a very fine lady who had suffered sexual abuse at the hands of her father, and her coming to terms with it was likely the most difficult thing she faced in her entire life, at least to date. So while I can't understand the actual feelings a woman must have to go through from suffering such abuse, I can understand how deep and weighty those feelings must be from watching her go through them.

If this is autobiographical, then I hope that the telling of these events helps remove the weight of it from your shoulders.

If it isn't autobiographical, then the writing is even better than I am already thinking, because it certainly feels like the writer has lived it.

#2014-07-12 13:19:50 by Nekko @Nekko

I was reading this blog and wondered if what I am about to write will be of any help. I decided not to prejudge. I am just the messenger of the information, you the reader draw your own conclusions.
Personally I believe that emotions not dealt with or resolved will never be forgotten by the mind and body. They will simply be buried deep within a person but can resurface given the appropriate trigger. They also can be the trigger for illness later in life, but this is whole new chapter.
Please allow me to offer 2 suggestions.
The first suggestion is using subliminal suggestion. The suggestions on the CD bypass the critical conscious mind and go directly to the subconscious. The subconscious will accept these suggestions and ideas and alter the belief structure. This can take a while, but is possible.
Try this title "Forgiving and Letting Go". (CD 147).
Try this website http://www.innertalk.com/Welcome.html for more information.
In particular note that the CD 147 is free.
All you do is pay for the postage.
The website for this CD is http://www.innertalk.com/cgi-bin/store/agora.cgi?p_id=CD147&xm=on&ppinc=search2

If you want the CD in Mandarin language go to this site www.innertalk.com.my.
Again it is free, you pay the postage only. No Cantonese CD available as far as I know.

The next suggestion is EFT.

This stands for Emotional Freedom Technique.
You have to do your own research on the web. There is lots of free articles on the web.
Also on YouTube there are many videos posted.

You can find all the information you need on the web for free. You can do this at home for free. You can learn this quickly and easily. It is based on the Chinese Acupuncture system to allow energy to flow freely and thereby releasing energy not beneficial to the body, including memories long forgotten by the conscious mind but not the subconscious.

Again a free resource.

Here are 2 free ideas that may assist with the issue. Any questions just ask me.

The best things in life are free and they are not things.

All the best wishes
Nekko

#2014-09-16 22:20:44 by AchelleVinzons @AchelleVinzons

@Nekko, sorry it took so long for me to reply to you. Life got in the way, as it always does. Anyway, I would like to say thank you for your suggestions, and especially for the sincere intentions behind them.

#2014-09-16 22:23:34 by AchelleVinzons @AchelleVinzons

@JohnAbbot, Thank you for your kind words. I am still uncertain whether or not I should leave it to the readers to decide if this is autobiographical, if it's somebody else's story, or if it's just a work of fiction. I can say, though, that picking up the story again has proven quite difficult.

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