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Self-proclaimed “American by Birth, Southern by the Grace of God”, a retired USA State Police Lieutenant with broad experience in SE Asia and China, David will focus on Online Obsessions and Real Relationships: Navigating Chinese/Western Cross Cultural Relationships. He'll share his and others experiences in internet dating, social networking and real life dating in China. Typically American, he will bring you the upside and downside of East/West relationships openly and directly. He hopes both genders can gain some useful knowledge from his blog as well as a few laughs.
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Back to the Future III- What’s in Your Age? Part 2: Chinese Matchmaking    

By David Lee
6582 Views | 5 Comments | 7/11/2010 12:08:53 AM
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I'm from Chongqing, beautiful and 30 years old! Antisa Khvichava, reportedly 130-year-old Georgian woman, looks at her birthday cake during a ceremony marking her birthday at home in the remote mountain village of Sachino 370 km (229 miles) from Georgia's capital Tbilisi, Thursday, July 8, 2010. Authorities in the former Soviet republic of Georgia claim Antisa Khvichava is turning 130, making her the oldest person on Earth.

I told you Trudy’s story in Part I of Chinese Matchmaking: What’s in an Age? Now here are some of my personal experiences. I met one CLM member from Chongqing last year who posts her age as twenty-nine years old. After talking more on MSN Hotmail, she tells me she is actually forty-four. Not ten, but fifteen years older! I actually did meet her later in person when she came to Chengdu on business, so I did not waste any money like the CLM member flying from Japan to Chengdu. However, it is another true case in age deception at its very worse and she still advertises her age on CLM as thirty.

But wait…there’s more. In 2008 while living in Shenzhen, I met a Changsha woman online who said she was twenty-eight. She seemed nice and we talked on MSN over the course of a month or two. She was very pretty and also “Put-together” well. I didn’t waste any time and flew her to Shenzhen for a five day visit. I wasn’t disappointed for the most part…until…I was making reservations for her departure air ticket.

My Chinese staff assistant was handling this for me and had her Chinese National ID card number necessary to make an air reservation. Amy said; “David…she is thirty-five.” “What!?” I replied. “How do you know?” “It’s right here on her ID card” said Amy. She showed me how to decipher a Chinese ID number and extract the birth date from the series of numbers. I was a bit confused and admittedly stupid enough to still be skeptical even when faced with the evidence.

I had her come by the office to meet me while Amy was there. After Amy saw her, she told me there was no doubt she was thirty-five. I just couldn’t see it for myself. Now, you might ask…So what if she’s thirty-five and you’re fifty-four? Nothing...except she lied, and more importantly, how she handled my discovery of her deception. She admitted the ID card was true on its face, but claimed she was actually twenty-eight and had been falsified by her parents when she was young! Then to top it all off, she was offended I would question her on this matter.

This is a further tactic of a liar…divert attention from them and try to make you the “Bad guy” for asking. It’s like the old saying, “Do you believe me or your lying eyes?”

Call me stupid, but regardless of being a sexy head-turner, mega- boobs, hot in bed, etc. as she was, I can’t see a relationship developing on such big lies from the start and attempts to cover-up with more obvious lies. Needless to say, we talked no more after her departure and the last I’ve seen of her was on another Chinese matchmaking website listed as living in Beijing and still lying about her age. Good riddance!

This experience later helped me in a similar situation this year. I will use this illustration in a future Blog on deciphering the bull-shit. However, for the purposes of age deception consequences, I’ll briefly explain. I met Cindy living in Shanghai on another Chinese matchmaking website. She posts her age online as thirty-one looking for a man forty-two to fifty-nine and so over the course of a month I decided to fly her to Chengdu for a visit.

Upon arrival at the airport, I was immediately suspicious of her true age, but said nothing. Once again she was attractive, put-together well and overall seemed nice enough. After five days she was about to leave my home and return to Shanghai. I picked-up her return air ticket and looked. There it was… she was actually forty-one. Déjà Vu!

Once again, there was no admission she lied. The ID card was wrong! Needless to say, I never talked to her again, especially since she did not even thank me for paying her tickets to Chengdu and return to Shanghai.

Last, but surely not least, is this very sad story from Beijing in 2007 as follows:

“Chinese teen kills self when blind date turns ugly -- report

Agence France-Presse
First Posted 16:39:00 01/05/2007

BEIJING -- A 17-year-old boy in northeastern China was so disappointed with the looks of a woman he met over the Internet that he hanged himself after seeing her face-to-face, state media reported Friday.

The unnamed teenager first contacted the woman -- known by her chat moniker "Qunjiaofeiyang", or "Flying Skirt" -- using the popular Chinese online messaging software QQ, Xinhua news agency said.

The girl described herself as a beautiful 19-year-old and the pair chatted on the Web for weeks before arranging a December 26 rendezvous in the nearby city of Mudanjiang, in far northeastern Heilongjiang province
.
The boy arrived to discover the woman far less attractive than advertised and 10 years older than him, Xinhua said.

The boy immediately returned home, lost his appetite, and four days later hanged himself from a tree.”

Obviously, this is an unusual story and he undoubtedly had other problems or issues for him to handle this situation inappropriately. However, it can surely happen again with so many “Little Emperors and Empresses” in China who, after being spoiled all their lives, grow-up not knowing the meaning of the word NO or taught rejection. Then, in an adult world, they are unable to cope with real or apparently the virtual life they often gravitate to.

How would you like to play a part in someone’s suicide because of your exaggerated understated age lies?

The moral of these stories should be clear:

• Don’t lie about your age. This deception can and will be ultimately discovered often with tragic consequences.

• Once the lie is discovered, your overall veracity or truthfulness will be called into question. What else are you lying about?

• Lying about your true age can destroy your dreams, or someone else’s dreams, besides wasting valuable time or someone’s money.

• Lying about age could even kill.

• Get a Webcam chat before taking the virtual relationship to the next level.

• Be who and what you really are. Every generation has some advantages. Promote your personal advantages and not a false age.

The choice is yours.

Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
Comments
(Showing 1 to 5 of 5) 1
#2010-07-11 00:21:22 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

This whole age deception matter is serious and David's points are well taken. From a Westerner's point of view this is a huge lie and one that will hammer a major crack into the cornerstone that any relationship is founded upon. If your partner will lie about this, then what won't she lie about?

Yet, in my experience all Chinese women lie about their age. I don't understand this at all, but I'm not a Chinese woman. To me, it would be better to state your real age knowing that you actually look 10 years younger, that just makes you all the better as a catch.

Maybe this stems again from the pressure to be married that Chinese women feel, and the feeling that once they reach 28 or so their chances will steadily decrease. Maybe a lie is better than the loss of hope that comes with the truth.

#2010-07-17 11:06:46 by zhanghong2010 @zhanghong2010

Hello. how are you ? I want know where are you got this old woman photo?

#2010-08-02 09:49:58 by abi513 @abi513

Zhanghong2010, you can click on the photo, or any of my photos, to find the associated link. The website this photo appears on is very funny, so please take a look!

#2011-07-22 13:10:32 by anonymous2201 @anonymous2201

hahaha, your first photo makes me laugh, I will be 30years old next year, and I live in Chongqing, do you believe that? :)

#2012-05-29 15:24:41 by meili2008 @meili2008

Firstly, I am sorry about that boy hanged himself from a tree because he couldn't stand for a girl who chatted with him 10 years older than him.

Secondly, I agree with you sometimes Chinese woman have age deception problem. But I knew few of them doesn't really mean to tell a lie for their real age. I don't know if you ever have experience or lived in Korea. Korean people usually tell people two years older than they in their ID card. That is their culture. It took me four years to get used to it. So I also put my age here two years old.

Thirdly, age is big pressure to Chinese woman. You would be laughed by people if you haven't got married when you over 26s. You know there is saying in China"shengnv" or " Old girl". And I am sure there are many woman pretent few years older and younger than their real age with no big deal here. I don't think that is age deception. Just the way woman like. In western culture, you would think they are not honest. But profile sometimes just the a simple presentation of Chinese woman. I understand large numbers of Chinese woman who don't someone knows her look for a western husband by website. It maybe age, living address, is different real. I think it will be best way for you to ask the one you start to talk with her at the very beginning. Most Chinese ladies would love to tell you the truth.

Last, I don't know few woman pretent so old or so young to date with people. Maybe they have some psychogenic problem with their life. I don't want to account such people. Maybe from the beginning they just want to be show.

Anyway, I like your article.

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