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Self-proclaimed “American by Birth, Southern by the Grace of God”, a retired USA State Police Lieutenant with broad experience in SE Asia and China, David will focus on Online Obsessions and Real Relationships: Navigating Chinese/Western Cross Cultural Relationships. He'll share his and others experiences in internet dating, social networking and real life dating in China. Typically American, he will bring you the upside and downside of East/West relationships openly and directly. He hopes both genders can gain some useful knowledge from his blog as well as a few laughs.
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Back to the Future III- What’s in Your Age? Part 1: Chinese Matchmaking    

By David Lee
3301 Views | 4 Comments | 7/10/2010 1:31:36 AM
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Steven Spielberg presents Back to the Future Part III

What’s in your age? Everything for starters. All of us, inside or outside, are who and what we are…plain and simple. This cannot be significantly changed unless you have the time and money to undergo expensive cosmetic or plastic surgery to alter your looks, but your age doesn’t change. I wouldn’t recommend going down this road unless you want to be some freaky grotesque creature like the late Michael Jackson. Oh my God! Did I just commit blasphemy by ridiculing MJ who almost has God-like status in China?

OK everybody, “I didn’t just get off the tomato truck”. At fifty-six years-old, I’ve been around long enough to know people lie about their age…especially women all over the world. They’re often relatively harmless lies like “I’m twenty-nine or thirty-nine and holding”. Of course lying about age is not only committed by women. Men also do this more than one might imagine as you’ll read later. However, these seemingly innocent or harmless “Little white lies” told in internet dating can later have serious and even deadly consequences when they are eventually discovered. How so?

If you’ve followed my Blog from the start, you know I’ve been on and off Asian and Chinese matchmaking Internet dating websites for about six years now. Three of those years were prior to my arrival in China. The time was well invested in making my transition from American life to my new life in China. Many of my initial online friends were Chinese women in Chengdu. One of these was Trudy an attractive mid-thirties woman.

We often chatted and over the course of a year developed an online friendship. It never developed further since her “Meter was running” and she was anxious to meet someone who would come to China more quickly than I was prepared to do at that time. However, she often consulted me for advice on some of her love interests.

It seems she had developed feelings and begun to develop the possibility of a real relationship with an American man. She said he was fifty-three and seemed nice. However, she had only seen some photos and never saw him on webcam since he claimed not to have one. This virtual relationship had bloomed and plans were being made for him to come to Chengdu with some hope for this relationship progressing to the next level.

After some months later, Trudy saw me online one day and asked for my opinion. It seems this man was in the near final stages of getting a Visa and air tickets to Chengdu. Then the big “Bomb” was dropped on her temporarily destroying her plans and dreams.

He contacted her one day within just a few weeks of the scheduled meeting and said; “I am really sixty-three. Is it still OK for me to come to Chengdu?” Long story short, she said NO. Trudy asked me if I thought she did the right thing by refusing to meet him. I replied “Hell yes!” This dumb-ass based his entire online relationship on a lie. He falsified his age by a decade and never showed his true appearance on webcam and then had the audacity to say “Do you mind?” What else is he lying about? Adios you lying Mother...!

This is Trudy’s story, but I have my own experiences for all you men, so take note. You might have read the CLM Forum posting from one man about coming to Chengdu from Japan and had the bad experience meeting another member. It seems her photos were ten years older than she had posted on her profile (I still want to know who this fraud in Chengdu is). I’ve got one story even worse.

My story, as well as a real China age related tragedy will continue in Part II.

Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
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(Showing 1 to 4 of 4) 1
#2010-07-11 00:24:19 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

CLM gave serious thought once about insisting that everyone tell the truth about their age. Then we realized that we would have to kick off all the women and half the men, so we had to walk away from that one. All I can say is VIDEOCAM!!

#2010-07-11 13:30:43 by fredriggs @fredriggs

Yes, you did well in expressing the long term affects, (or consequences) of 'early' lies. Most women here (on this dating site) emphasize ''honesty" as one of the main character traits,.... that they desire,...... in their potential mates. Abraham Lincoln once said "Nobody has a good enough memory to be a successful liar".

#2010-07-12 09:29:44 by blueeyesfromoz @blueeyesfromoz

It is obvious that many Chinese women on this and other sites put photos that are at least a decade old. Every day one notices women who are in their mid 40s (50s) when photos were taken in their 30s (40s). Asian women tend to look younger than there age but not as much as often found on dating sites. Dating sites are the best miracle cure for rejuvenation;-) As for men? A few yes, but not as many.

#2010-07-13 23:49:58 by aussieghump @aussieghump

The 'decade old photo' is not necessarily the case - It is quite common for many Chinese women to take 'glamour photographs' on a regular basis (some of my friends do it yearly!), many of which you will see on the site.

Makeup, soft lighting and complementary poses do wonders - as does a nice smile!

Most Chinese women I know (living here in China) care very much about appearance and although maybe not using 'western brand products and methods', and often with a very individual fashion sense, they nevertheless take good care of themselves and generally do look much younger than you would expect.

There is also a lot of 'cosmetic' surgery available to those that can afford it here as well! So people have the chance to 'capture youth' for longer.

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