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Jasmine Huang, member of CLM, born and raised in the southeast of China, is sharing with you one Chinese woman's point of view regarding western men, Chinese women, online dating and cross cultural relationships. Not an expert, but would be willing to learn and grow with you all.
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Are you a pryer?    

By Jasmine Huang
6001 Views | 7 Comments | 9/8/2010 11:52:09 PM
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art by : DAVID LACHAPELLE

It must be dating back to years ago when I had my 1st job to search for customers online that made me have the habit of using skillfully of the search engines. In the beginning, it was the need to gather information and afterwards it served sometimes as checking the authenticity of the information. If I remember it right, I used to read that searching online will make your brain sharp. I guess ‘The Laws of Attraction’ applies to this phenomenon.

And I apply this habit fully into the dating process. Once I have been given an email ID, I’d very much like to google it first. The searching results vary from person to person. Some gave the frequently-used email ID and some did not. I even met a guy who alleged to give a disposable ID, ie. he applied the mail and just used it once or twice in order not to let out his personal information, or he specially applied one ID for dating purpose. I can’t trust this kind of guy in the first place when he told me the email ID he gave me was just for temporary use. I am quite sure any honest and sincere guy won’t do this. But after all, email exchanges should happen only after a long, continuing and single-minded communication, but not in the first place.

I have no idea but I guess I am really a lucky girl. And it all happened due to my fantastic habit, that once I even found out that the guy who spoke out his full name, turned out to be a former alleged murderer, who finally came out clean, but simply did not mention his past experience. For me, I might be a little open for people’s past as I usually thought that what is more important is a person’s presence. I bet many people will agree with me on this point, that we care more how two people approach to each other, talk to each other and encourage each other even arguments happen. Well, sometimes it happens to some people that the past was just engraved deeply in every angle of his statement and his behavior. I am really sick of being accused as being illogical.

Here I have to mention the great function of the ‘Last IP Location’ on a member’s profile page. Days ago I happened to find the profile of Mr. C( You may refer to my very 1st blog article of him) and found that he moved to his neighbor country while when I clicked on his ‘Last IP Location’, he is still in the place he was from. It is too easy for people to say he is from one country while he is not. I know the exception sometimes will be that people travel to another country. And just when I was laughing at Mr. C, I got a kiss mail from a guy from Italy. This time my click on his ‘Last IP Location’ did not work out and it was blank there. I just felt that the only picture he put there reminded me of a star I watched in a film, named Gad Elmaleh. And I asked him why he put a picture of Gad Elmaleh, this fake Gad Elmaleh apparently has no idea of this Gad Elmaleh, and replied with his yahoo ID. Here we go, and I found out that he is working as a motorcycle part importer in UAE. He was shocked when he got his full work address. Ok guys, have some entertainment spirit.

It seems so easy that we have so many options here on a dating site and yet it is so difficult as somehow we have no idea who we should trust and how we should trust them. Some extra functions on CLM will in some way help us, while I have to remind you time and time again to be patient and you will find that someone good really worth your time.


Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
Comments
(Showing 1 to 7 of 7) 1
#2010-09-09 00:40:39 by aussieghump @aussieghump

Just one caveat on the 'IP' address. Be aware that some foreigners living and working in China may use methods such as VPN and Proxy servers to access their mail servers etc. If you look at their IP Addressses it may show the location other than where they actually are.

For example, my company computer is permanently linked via VPN and is identified as having an IP address in the USA, even though it is with me in China!!!

#2010-09-09 00:56:26 by woaizhongguo @woaizhongguo

As Ronald Reagan said (I think about the only time I've ever quoted him), "Trust but verify."

#2010-09-10 00:16:23 by kalzorch @kalzorch

I must disagree with your assertion that no honest guy would have a temporary email address, or an email address just for dating sites. In my opinion, it is the only way to go. Thirty years ago, when I was helping to build the internet, it was a great place to be. Now they let just anybody on, and you have to be careful to protect yourself. Giving out your main email address is an invitation to be flooded with spam. Remember, I don't know you any more than you know me. An email address gives us a way to communicate, nothing more.

#2010-09-10 03:06:46 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

Hey Jasmine, I like this blog posting a lot, but I have to agree with Kalzorch that everyone has a right to protect himself and giving away your primary email address to someone you don't know very well can lead to disaster. There are many reasons for people to be a little elusive that have nothing to do with being dishonest and more to do with playing it safe. Having said that though, I know you are also in favour of people being a little cautious about who they are dealing with on any dating site and many of your points are well taken.

#2010-09-11 13:05:23 by dearjasmine @dearjasmine

A friend told me after he read this article, that he felt scared. He said I could have made my lovers fleeing. Ohh, do I have to care that much and do I have to hide myself? And by the way, lovers? Hmm I bet I don't have, maybe secret admirers. :)

Peter, you could write a new article about that 'Trust and verify'. Looking forward to it.

John, you can say that this habit is partly due to curiosity or maybe due to my insecurity. After all, not everyone deal well with mystery.




#2010-09-13 04:53:39 by neodymium @neodymium

Interesting article. I prefer not to give my primary email address to people I don't know well. I have a spare email address I give to women on CLM that ask for my email in the first mail they send to me here on CLM.

If they contact me at my external email address, I tend to play along with them to find out if they are scammers or not.

Normally, it doesn't take long for them to reveal this.

Maybe we need a separate article on How to spot and deal with (suspected) scammers, so everything concerning that is in one place?

With my yahoo account, I can view the full headers of an email, which provides a lot of useful information on where the email originated from, and also the IP address of where the person that sent that email came from.

#2010-09-15 07:30:15 by chrisfr2 @chrisfr2

i personaly have many email adresses....
some are "name.forname@xxxx" or professional one with @companyname.com" i will never give them to anyone at first contact
i have a hotmail one, yahoo and qq : that i received when i created an account.
Hotmail adress gives acces to my blog with pictures of almost all my life : i will give it once i know who i'm in contact with.
then i have a trash adress : used to request informations online , and receiving 168 spams per day... i erase it every 3months and create a new one
so.... when a contact asks me to yahoo or qq : i have no problem to give an adress i open everyday, but witch has absolutly no informatiosn about me there. (even name, country, phones numbers recorded to open the account are fake ones)..

safety first, trust comes s

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