Chinese Women, Asian Women, Online Dating & Things Chinese and Asian
Lily, originally from Sichuan province (home of spicy food), has lived in Zhejiang province since 2007. She has over 10 years of work experience in international companies in Shenzhen, using English daily; thus having a relatively good command of English. An honest, caring, communicative, appreciative and positive person, Lily enjoys reading, thinking, learning, listening music, nature & dogs. Continuous learning and self-improvement is her life-time goal. She will blog about: keeping a positive outlook on people, things and life; the importance of maintaining good-balance in all aspects of life; Know yourself and what you want before searching for and finding the one most suitable for you. Lily hopes to share her knowledge with others while also learning from them.
Articles :
Views :
Comments :
Create Time :
This Blog's Articles
Index of Blogs
Index Blog Articles

Are You Really Ready for a New Relationship    

By Lily
4201 Views | 11 Comments | 11/7/2014 11:25:05 AM

No matter if you believe or not, we individual create our world especial through our mindsets and thoughts in our head. If the mindsets and thoughts there are confused and messy, the real life and world related with us will be same messy too. If we are not sure on “who are you” and “what you want”, we are actually not ready for any new relationship until we have already figured it out.

When I asked someone what is the most fear thing from a marriage for him, he answered that he fear to be hurt. How is your first feeling or impression on this answer? Have you ever and how many times you have stubbornly insisted someone else instead of yourselves should be responsible for your pains and failure? Have you ever been intending to change others instead of yourself? Can you change others? Can you change yourself? Have you ever or have been thinking if the environments around & the other person has been changed and everything will be changed better accordingly?

Longer years that we are living alone and be divorced really can’t prove we are ready for entering a new relationship. Although we are physically disconnected with the previous relationship, but we probably have been stuck there like blaming or resenting the other or wandering in the previous relationship in our mind. From this meaning, we are actually not mentally or spiritually healthy and ready to establish a new, healthy and long-lasting relationship. If we intend to rush into any new relationship, our previous pains and failure probably will be repeated again and any of the involving innocent 3rd persons including the kids will be hurt.

Apart from a failed relationship or marriage, there is more or less, small or big suspending emotional problems accumulated inside us with the time going since our childhood. To try to be a good person as for different social roles, we have been actively or passively disciplining ourselves and thus put more and more of our personal feeling and emotions inside. These hidden emotional problems are like inactive or active volcanos. When we are under some similar cases in realities, some of these volcanos will be lit and burst out through losing temper or bursting into anger by us. It seems our anger is really nothing wrong with any of the involving 3rd person except those volcanos hidden inside us and ourselves. When you try to think over the whole process, you will know most of those involving persons are innocent for that issue. This paragraph does remind us for another topic that “how we face, handle and release our routing pressures?” We put this topic to be discussed next time.

When we encountered failure of some relationship especial marriage, it really warns us all those hidden emotional problems(volcanos) are too more for us and already beyond our self-controlling. Each failure and pain gives birth to success and happiness. At least it stops us from repeating the same and creates a time period for us to have a good mind rest, think and self-reflect. From this point, we really should feel grateful and lucky enough otherwise some other bigger unexpected problems probably occurs like some kind of physical disease such as cancer or personal injuries to others around. This is not an exaggerated or threatening statement and it is truly happening around or with us.

Basing on above, after each failure of relationship and marriage and before entering a new relationship, it is a must for us to take some time for break and sort out all those hidden problem volcanos and mentally & spiritually cured ourselves. From psychological angle, these works are named as mental or spiritual self-healing and releasing. The mental or spiritual self-healing and releasing has to be done through reading professional books and doing a lot of personal practice at the same time. If you are a person who is with strong self-awareness, have habit of self-reflection, meditation, reading, thinking & learning, you will be comparatively quicker to be recovered and about 6 months to 1 year time will be enough.

The last, as for a dater, I want to say we individual really should be responsible for ourselves and also for any of the innocent 3rd person. If we are not ready for the new relationship, we should not have any contact & instead pay more of our time and attention on our own physical, mental, spiritual health and the self-healing and releasing work. Likewise, we should be very aware of those persons who are not emotional, mentally & spiritually ready for the new relationship.

Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
(Showing 1 to 10 of 11) 1 2 More...
#2014-11-07 11:35:01 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

Lily, I must say you've been putting a lot of thought into preparing oneself before embarking on a new relationship and this article is one more excellent example. Your thoughts and suggestion in this one are bang on.

So, let me ask you, are you ready for your next relationship? Where are you in the self healing / self awareness process?

#2014-11-08 08:46:47 by Barry1 @Barry1

This is a very insightful article, Lily.

You've covered a lot of ground here that at least in my case, was very relevant.

I realised on my last China trip that despite all my supposed worries and concerns about normal day to day life, that these paled in comparison to the far greater problems experienced by many poor Chinese. Yet many of these poor people were in fact quite happy, despite their lack of abundance. They had learnt that the most important things in life are free - health, family and happiness.

This in turn helped me understand that life is what you make of it. We can choose at any time to be either satisfied or dissatisfied. We can also choose to be either hurt, angry or at peace, when challenges are faced. We truly are all the masters of our own destinies.

Thanks for the interesting and informative article, Lily. (y)

#2014-11-08 16:33:17 by zqy2014 @zqy2014


Hi John, actually I have never aware of mental or spiritual self-healing and releasing is necessary until I incidently came across the book of "You can heal your life" some months ago.After this time, I have been devoting myself into any similar self-healing or releasing books that can be attained through internet or friends.However, I have been thinking of my personal problems or responsibilies from each failure and officially began to face myself since 3 years ago. During continuous reading of the professional self-healing and releasing books, the relevant practice with myself and contact with other member, I am feeling much better now. I feel more quietness, peace and happiness in my heart in most of time. I show more respect,love,forgiving,compassion and less self-blaming/contradiction to myself and others around. I am easier to face and accept anything or anyone coming or leaving my life at its right moment...Thus, I think I am totally ready for a new relationship although I still need more efforts..

As mentioned, the self-healing and releasing is not only a necessary for a new relationship but also for us individual health.Then I wrote this and post here and intend to remind and hope it could be helpful for all those related ones like me. At first sight,maybe my blog is always seems too serious or over-analysed but I take the pains or problems with our mind is the most painful and most of our problems are orginally from there...

I admit almost all of blogs seems be serious or boring for those people who don't have any interest or seldom pay attention on this kind of issues but I am sure they are helpful and useful for someone someday...

#2014-11-08 17:03:29 by zqy2014 @zqy2014


Hi Barry, thanks for reading and sharing. Yes, as you said, different mindset and attitude we choose, the different result will be occurred. From this meaning, we are responsible for any problems of us. We are the only one who creates and defines our future and destiny.

From your blogs, I see you are a person who have been engaging self in feeling, thinking, learning, self-awareness, self-reflection and continuous self-improvements. I am sure you will feel more and more quiet, peaceful, happy with yourself and harvest a successful marriage sooner or later. Good luck and bless you!

#2014-11-09 08:55:24 by anonymous12450 @anonymous12450

The emphasis seems to be on failed marriages and failed relationships, as if every relationship that ends is a failure. As far as marriage is concerned I understand. We make a commitment and we don't commit but sometimes we marry because of societal and familial expectations, 'It's time to settle down son', 'be a man' when in fact, if you were honest, you just have a bit more 'wanderlust' for life, and the world than other colleagues who seem to except the average, that an early marriage, may, or may not, bring. Yes some people can have emotional issues and they do rise up sharply in an intense relationship, but age seems to iron out these issues untill a person is ready to accept more fully, there own weaknesses, and the drive to 'settle down' which is just the psych saying, 'I am older now.' I don't doubt karmic knots have been left untied in previous relationships but we shouldn't get too hung up on failure as if a 20 year relationship is the only thing that defines success. It happens at different times for everyone. When you really want it.

#2014-11-09 16:49:12 by melcyan @melcyan

Reading your comment I got the impression that you believe really wanting a good relationship and the passing of time and the gaining of new experiences will see you eventually succeed. I know quite a few men in their seventies for whom this approach has not worked. Learning from your mistakes in a past relationship is not optional. It is essential. For some men this cannot be done without the help of a relationship counselor. Understanding your past mistakes and making yourself relationship ready give you a much better chance of finding your good relationship.

#2014-11-09 21:09:23 by ocean58 @ocean58

Hi Lily As usual another great blog . After reading your latest I am reminded of a posting I saw on Facebook .I hope you enjoy it and pass it on .
Beware of destination addiction
A preoccupation with the idea that happiness is in the next place
the next job and with the next partner
Until you give up the idea that happiness is somewhere else
It will never be where you are

I think it is a good one for all of us to read and repeat to ourselves almost like a daily prayer or a mantra

#2014-11-10 13:07:28 by zqy2014 @zqy2014

Thanks for your reading and sharing.

Yes, as a dater here, my focus of this article is for how is the mental/spiritual cleaning up & preparation before we ener a new relationship after the failure.However, it's meaning is not limited within that and instead also includes how we pay attention and take care of our own health including physical, mental and spiritual aspects.Then I hope this article can be more helpful and valuable.

You are right, the lasting or surviving years of the marriage definitely can't define or show we are successful on marriage or life. Instead we pay more attention on our health,content and quality of the marriage.

I recently now and then heard some sister said it is a destiny that she can't find a good person when the communications can't be smoothy as expectation. I used to believe in issues of "desnity" for some time in the past but now I believe my future and desnity is completely charged and created by myself.

Success means different thing for different person. It can be small or big, it can take place at the earlier, middle or later time of the life journey.No matter what, we welcome all good or bad,sweet or bitter experiences coming to us and all these creat our own life.The most important is we are gradually growing up...

Hi mark, thanks for your reading and sharing.

My point is that mental/spiritual self-healing & releasing is neccessary and important before entering a new relationship after the failure.However, I don't means this self-healing and releasing will eventually make us to be successful on the relationship or marriage.

Actually,apart from the dating topic,my another emphasis is how we pay attention and take care of our own health including physical, mental and spiritual aspects.If we have read the book of "you can heal your life", we will understand how those negative midsets, thoughts or emotions hidden inside have been influencing our health,life and destiny...

In addition, how we handle and manage our emotions and routing stress is also important topic for a healthy us and world.

#2014-11-10 13:31:10 by melcyan @melcyan

I agree. I looked up the words and found they were by Robert Holden. Another quote of his that appealed to me is "Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship you have."

#2014-11-10 21:14:15 by zqy2014 @zqy2014


Hi Kevin, thanks for your attention to my article and sharing.

If my understanding is correct, what you have shared have been written in the book of "Power of the Presence"? Our happiness is not located at the next place,with the next partner and the next environment. During searching the better,we don't neglect to enjoy every moment of the presence, take good care of ourselves and keep a good move on all routing things like working, learning & etc.

On the other side, we don't be addicitive or stick on the destination although we need to make efforts for better life.When we don't define our life or success by the destination, then we may feel more happy,contented and grateful on what we have experienced and had by now.

(Showing 1 to 10 of 11) 1 2 More...
To respond to another member's comment type @ followed by their name before your comment, like this: @username Then leave a space. Ask Lily a Question : Click here...