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Bren is presently married to a Chinese woman after meeting her on CLM. He's a Production Manager/Designer by profession. He enjoys writing on topics of personal experience and observation. From the "meet & greet" to "married life" with an intercontinental relationship, he hopes to create interest and discussion with all of you. Feel free to say, "Hi!" He also welcomes your messages, questions and feedback through CLM (thedragonb1).
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Are You Ready For Change?!    

By Bren
5292 Views | 11 Comments | 7/9/2010 11:35:20 AM
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Funny comic of arguing couple

PEOPLE, are you ready for a CHANGE? Men are you ready? Ladies are YOU ready? You found your love here on CLM and you took the LEAP of faith, love and made the choice to live together in wedded bliss. You got the visa and you both can finally be together! Job well done, now we can sit back and live happily ever after...NOT!

There is joy in finally being together, but then you quickly begin to realize…WhOA!

I won't go into the running around trying to get the "new-woman-of-the-house" a social security card, state ID, Permit/Driver's License (manual -to take tests for driving legally), wedding license. You have to stay in touch, right? She'll need a mobile phone too. Prepare the next batch of immigration forms. Show her the sights, dinners. A higher grocery bill, more toilet paper than you are used to buying. Shampoo and conditioner??!!! Look at my head! Do I look like I have need for shampoo?!! Haahaaah! All of you guys with hair do not think you are getting off easy. She's not going to use that crappy cheap stuff that you shampoo with either! She's going to need that "Gee Your Hair Smells Terrific" shampoo! Paul Mitchell, ladies? Oh, the costs jump and money and more money and more more money will escape your wallet! But it's all for love and who said love is easy. But I digress, this isn't about money...this is about CHANGE.

Time for CHANGE! Time for LIVING with a woman…again. Aaah, no problem! I lived with a woman for 8 years in my past. I got this down! I'm a master with living with a woman. It's been a long while since I have lived with a woman in my house and I can't believe it still takes getting used to.

President Obama used it for his campaign slogan…It is time for CHANGE! Weather you think the president is correct with him creating CHANGE in America or not is irrelevant, YOU WILL HAVE CHANGE when your love comes to live together with you. Time to learn to adapt. Sacrifice. Compromise. Men, I am here to tell you, love and living happy together is a never-ending task. It takes work! Time! Understanding! Compromise, compromise, compromise...This is change we are talking, here, and it will happen. Count on it!

What fun, the silly quibbles and squabbles. For example, Aishan and I are still moving one chair in the living room back and forth. She moves it there. I move it back here. She moves it back to there! :) It's a daily routine. Meals- what to eat? What color to paint the walls? Do you think you know your woman now? Yes, you share lovely sweet nothings online and truly feel you know each other. Kudos, but not so fast! Speaking from experience, it's best to be AWARE and prepare! You will learn a hell of a lot more in the first few days about each other when living together. It's not a bad thing (this is just change). I am not trying to cast doubt, fear, or negativity in living together with your loved one in the pursuit of happiness. This is a part of life. I write this to allow you a perspective on the reality in living together and staying strong. It is not always going to be a fairytale. For Aishan and I, it has only been a week and 3 days living together and we are learning daily. No matter how much I prepared for her arrival...even scrubbing the floors on hands and knees trying to clean the house before she came, somehow she was able to find spots that I missed or didn't have time to get to before she came. Now my new name is "Dirty Sheep!" Especially since I called her "Dirty Monkey" for her messy bed. Oh, well, I am not perfect and she is not either. This is something all couples will have to prepare to accept as you take the next big step.

It is a wonderful learning experience, but you must be truly open minded and know that patience is important. Are you truly ready? This is the BIG picture here! Your old habits and how you like things in your home are about to be invaded in ways you may not agree with. Patience, grasshopper...Yes, you were the master (the sifu 師傅) of your domain at one time, but you invited an Empress into your midst! She has demands and needs too. You will have to kowtow 叩头 to some of those demands to find a happy medium between the two of you. Yin & Yang 阴 阳.

Hey guys, she will not be the quiet subservient woman you were expecting. Not at all. Chinese women are strong and they will hand out whatever you dish out! So be prepared to take it right back and in your FACE! Of course there are more old-fashioned, traditional women out there. I guess you can try to find that type of woman. Good luck with that. If the women here on CLM wanted to be so traditional they would not bother looking to meet a qwailo 鬼佬 / lao wai 老外 (foreigner)!

MEN and WOMEN, I say to you now...the work is NEVER DONE!
Open your minds, hearts and prepare!

Are you are READY FOR CHANGE?

YES WE CAN! ;)

Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
Comments
(Showing 1 to 10 of 11) 1 2 More...
#2010-07-09 23:31:45 by riccixue @riccixue

This is a true,At least we can know that our life is real,You might feel that they are aliens,But each needs to change,No surprise,This is life.so,everybody ready?hehe!

#2010-07-10 09:33:52 by sweetyhhy @sweetyhhy

yes, i think sth may change, but the love to the one will not change! i'm still puzzled with the love he gives me, i only can talk to him through the internet. sometimes i'm busy with my work, so i can't online on time, so that he get angry more easily. but if i'm online he is not there i never get angry with him, because i understand him. i don't know how long it will last by such a love........but i think the love i give him will not change, i don't know if he is ready for change.......

#2010-07-11 02:00:50 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

I've been married to my current Chinese wife for several years now, and we're still moving that damned chair around.

As was said by Australian born Hong Kong Journalist Richard Hughes, "Chinese women are steel rods swathed in flowers". No saying was ever more true, but he said it with great love for the woman he was married to for many, many years until death did them part.

#2010-07-11 02:13:13 by histguy @histguy

To sweetyhhy: I think I understand what you two are going through. In the online scenario, he is probably thinking "Where is she? What is she doing? Is she entertaining another man? Why doesn't she have time for me? I always make time for her..." That sort of thing. This is because he thinks he has found pure gold, a treasure that could be scooped up by another predatory man. Plus, there are some very romantic men out there who desire lots of communication with their sweethearts. It solidifies the relationship in their minds. To put it bluntly, I think he misses you when you are away. He's probably crazy about you!

#2010-07-12 14:55:30 by goldsilhair99 @goldsilhair99

Bren, you forgot to mention putting the toilet seat down when you are finished

#2010-07-13 21:24:17 by panda2009 @panda2009

enjoy your happiness! enjoy your life!

#2010-07-13 23:29:53 by thedragonb1 @thedragonb1

Aaaah, Goldsilhair99, I never have a problem with putting the seat down. ;)) Haaaaha! Just looks neater to me. I'm a bit of a neat freak.

As for Histguy and Sweetyhhy - I have to disagree with you, Histguy. If Sweetyhhy's man is getting upset and angry when she can't be in front of the computer, it sounds more like insecurity. Loving and missing someone is ok, but not the the point of anger. That is a warning sign of possessiveness that will only harm a relationship. Being secure with your woman and her being away once in a while is a part of life. If the woman is busy, a real man doesn't bitch and complain. Keep in mind she doesn't get upset when HE is not around. I say to talk to him Sweetyhhy and if he can not understand itt may be time to MOVE ON and away from his insecurity.

#2010-07-15 09:14:50 by histguy @histguy

To thedragonb1: when I first read sweetyhhy's post, I was thinking "angry" meant mildly annoyed. I didn't interpret that as true anger. If the guy is truly angry, then you are right, she needs to move on.

#2010-07-15 17:36:33 by aussieghump @aussieghump

My grandparents fought for 55 years on how to 'set the fire in the living room'...
My grandfather would build a tall flaming creation that shot light and embers into the middle of the floor... my grandmother would come into the room and use a fire-iron to bash it flat and make a soothing 'layer' of coals to warm the room... when ,my grandmother left the room, he'd say 'bloody woman, doesn't know how to light a fire!!' and stack on more wood and build it up again!
They did this repeatedly every night for 55+ years of marriage.

Good luck with the chair, man!!!

#2010-07-15 23:26:01 by sweetyhhy @sweetyhhy

thank you Bren and Histguy. i also agree with Bren, yes, the love he said to me is not the real love, maybe it's really ture that if love is said easily and it will be ended quickly. pefectly right! he has disappeared for several days and without saying anything, just as when he want to offline he will say nothing and offlined quickly. i feel that i really can't understand of him. maybe it has over, and i'm like a fool from the begining to the end, i even cried like a child with a love like this. maybe it's a wrong beging........so let it be overed soon.......oh, no, it's over now......

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