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Born in the UK but now living in Australia, Paul Fox has travelled to many places throughout China. He has seen the lighter side, the darker side, both the gentle and the seedy sides. He documents his experiences and is willing to share them with anyone who wants to listen. He is not afraid to say things exactly how he sees them, and is quite happy to "name and shame" when necessary.
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Are Dating Sites for Sad Bastards Like Us?    

By Paul Fox
4489 Views | 19 Comments | 2/20/2014 3:55:04 PM

Strong words, right?  These were the words that were uttered to me today when a good friend of mine found out I am a member of CLM.



“Dating sites are for sad bastards!”



He’s a typical western, divorced, middle-aged, over-weight man who, by his own admission, is looking for a new partner – yet he says he prefers the more ‘traditional ways’ of finding one because as far as he is concerned, “Dating sites are for sad bastards’ (Especially Chinese Dating Sites)



(Note for Chinese readers – the term ‘sad bastard’ does not imply that the person is un-happy. It is a term often used ‘lightly’ to refer to someone or something that someone does, that another person may find boring or un-interesting)



I guess many of us are old enough to remember ‘singles nights’ in a local bar or club in the days before the Internet. Women were often admitted with free admission fees, while guys were charged an entrance fee. In most cases there were many more men in attendance than women and the events themselves were often cynically referred to as a ‘Grab-a-Granny’ night



A good friend and I used to run a weekly ‘singles night’ back in the early 1990’s and I don’t remember ever hearing the words ‘sad bastard’ when referring to people who avidly attended week after week!



Although my friend says he prefers the more ‘traditional methods’ of finding a partner, what he really means is that he likes to go to bars on a Friday and Saturday night in an attempt to ‘pull-a-chick’!



PULL-A-CHICK? – Who is he kidding? The man is 50 years old for heaven’s sake! The only ‘chick’ that he is likely to ‘pull’ is a woman around his own age who is probably divorced or separated, overweight, over-ripe, with 6-inch thick make-up, looking like ‘mutton-dressed-as-lamb’! – Some ‘chick’ – lol !



If he is looking for a ‘one-night-stand’ then he may be in the right place, but as for anything more than that, he is totally in the WRONG place as far as I am concerned



Supposing he met his ‘Miss Right’ in one of these ‘cattle-markets’ – is she likely to turn into “Mrs Housewife” later on? Is she going to become all loving and ‘fluffy’, staying home on a Saturday night baking cookies while he is out on the town with his mates? – Yeah RIGHT!



Seems to me that these days most of the ‘Mrs Housewife’ types who are looking for a new partner are staying home on a Friday and Saturday night and chatting with us ‘sad bastards’ on a dating site.



Interestingly enough, I was in a pub with a couple of mates the other night – both have been married since God was a lad, kids grown up etc and no longer feel that they have anything in common with their wives (this does NOT mean they are about to leave their wives !)



The point that they BOTH made was that IF they were to separate, then neither of them would seek a Western woman as their new partner. We discussed the virtues of Chinese, Filipino, Thai, Singaporean, Malaysian etc – and despite the pro’s and con’s of each, there was one point that remained common –



Essentially, in western culture, is it likely that say, a 50-year old man will be accepted by a 40-year old woman?  In my experience the answer is NO WAY !



But it is not uncommon for a 40-year old ASIAN woman to accept a 50-year old western man! – right?



The man is happy to accept a woman 10 years his junior and she is happy to accept a man 10 years her senior – probably due to life’s experiences? - But western dating would not usually allow this



Despite my efforts to convince my friend to just TRY a dating site, it seems that he was once-bitten-twice-shy and it put him off forever – lol



I knew instantly what he meant when he told me the name of a dating site he had tried to join while he was waiting for his divorce to be finalised.



An (arguably) well-known Western dating site called (I’m not sure I should mention its name here but to give you a clue, the second word is ‘harmony’)



Haha, I went down EXACTLY the same path as my friend because on the very FIRST page, you are asked your ‘marital status’ Not wanting to lie, the word ‘separated’ was clicked on and then you proceed to answer the most comprehensive questions that I have ever seen. Literally, after 45 minutes I was only half-way through, but having gone that far, I continued and after 1 hour and 20 minutes I finally clicked ‘Submit’



I was then greeted with a message that told me the site was only for single/divorced/widowed and that ‘separated’ would not be accepted for membership!



You Bastard !!!! (lol)



That was exactly what my friend experienced and as such, he was finished with dating sites forever



Strangely enough, if you check out my article titled ‘I’m Gonna Buy a Bee’ you will read about the Chinese friend of a lady I recently met who also told me she was totally against dating sites (she also felt they were for ‘sad bastards’ and preferred the more ‘traditional ways’ of meeting a partner)



So I am curious now. Do any of you lovely people reading this drivel feel embarrassed to tell your friends that you are a member of CLM? – Do you feel that they may think of you as being a ‘sad bastard’?



Not wanting to sound like I have got a degree in ‘stating the bloody obvious’, but popping down the local pub on a Saturday night is not likely to put you in a position where you can meet a woman from San Francisco if you live in Florida or a woman from Perth if you live in Sydney, London if you live in Edinburgh – unless of course you bump into someone on holiday – so SURELY the fact that guys from any country can meet a woman from any country (international dating), puts us ‘sad bastards’ streets ahead of the guys who spend their whole weekends ‘mongering’ in local bars looking for a one-night-stand with an over-ripe divorcee with 3 kids and a mortgage, hoping they will eventually turn into ‘Miss Right’?



If that makes me a ‘sad bastard’ then it’s a ‘badge’ that I am happy to wear!



So after deliberating and discussing the virtues of on-line dating, can we now look at all of us ‘sad bastards’ as individuals or ‘types’?



I am quite surprised that after my 7-part series on the various ‘types’ of Chinese women I have come across, no-one has written a serious (yet tongue-in-cheek) series of articles on different ‘types’ of male CLM members



So based purely on RESPONSES to my 7 articles, I am going to attempt to write a series on this subject



I was slated, condemned to death, ridiculed (and yet also concurred with) during the series on Chinese women, so I am going to consider the MALE responses ONLY and begin to submit some articles (based on these responses) as to the certain ‘types’ of men that are members of CLM (IN…MY…OPINION !)



Be afraid……. Be VERY afraid ! ( haha)



John Abbot is going to be engaged in a full-time job editing these - but I sincerely hope we can have a laugh along the way because I want to make them inoffensive, tongue-in-cheek and hopefully written in a jovial way so that we will all be able to relate to which ‘type’ we really belong to (even if we are scared to admit it)



As always – ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS!



Note. The photo I have included here is of a famous British actress - Joanna Lumley. Here she plays the part of a middle-aged divorcee trying to re-live her 20's - essentially "Mutton-Dressed-As-Lamb" and the TV show is called 'Absolutely Fabulous'


Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
Comments
(Showing 1 to 10 of 19) 1 2 More...
#2014-02-20 15:57:53 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

I am afraid Paul, I am very afraid! But I look forward to the challenge. ;)

#2014-02-20 19:14:41 by Grace172 @Grace172

Wow, the series on different types of "Sad Bastards":D I am looking forward that. (clap)

#2014-02-20 21:43:09 by zhangxiujin @zhangxiujin

I am looking forward, Paul, with anxious ! :D

#2014-02-21 06:54:56 by anonymous8984 @anonymous8984

@Paul Fox

Probably, I am SENIOR to you, and I have never being in the situation of a SAD BASTARD. I do not visit joints if I am not in company of one of my pals who invites me, or a girl I had that met in other places or situations.
Good places are: restaurants, markets, department stores, and even at church that you attend in your best attire at Sunday mass. After making a presence several times alone, ladies of different ages start looking at. Soon after someone would be greeting the priest at same time I do and they take the opportunity to get introduced, by the pastor, priest, or rabbi, (by the way I am catholic) or some other parishioner who you know makes the introduction.
Only my first wife was two year younger than me, after, all my living girlfriends have being 8, 10, 16, and 23, and 30, years younger, it’s like the older I get the younger they are.
Many years ago I used to look at Chinese dating but it was very complicated I neither meet anyone there, nor I ever paid any money to look at. After visiting Russian, and some other European sites I sign in a Latin dating site I had many responses, I got many lady friends in most of the SudAmerican countries, and relations in many of them, finally I got a relation with a girl of Lima Peru, but her daughter who I be friended gave me her pass word and soon I discover that she kept a relation with an Italian man and trying to hook up many others sending her photos and using her daughters photos to create sympathy for her and her family.
When I was still in the Latin dating site I found CLM and browse at the pages looking at the so many beautiful girls, slender and sexy figures, after one year of browsing I decide to give it a try and sign in with a very good overwhelming success, so in Jul. 2nd. of 2011, this ugly old tall APE, made appearance in the pages of CLM, two months later I have the one I like and we are ready for life together, to my eyes she is the most beautiful girl and any other can’t change my mind.
Here in CLM I feel very comfortably and grateful, even soon as I log in an Asian dating site pop inviting me to log with them, many girls from that place had contacted me and invited to go there or GaGa or many others that I believe are the same. I always dismiss them. Here is a safe dating place and many of the persons Ladies and Gents are good people I don’t know personally if is some bad apple but that is taking care of management and they are good and very professional. Thank you John.
I am not overweight myself of course I do not want to have an overweight wife, this is the main reason I am looking for Chinese wife, also they have the exotic ORIENTAL beauty, they are as beautiful as any Latin girl but most the keep in good shape their appearance over the years. I soon may be out of here because one is ready to walk the aisle with me, after ups and downs we are still like each (better say love) other and soon as I get some work done here in the US that I need to take care before traveling, This UGLY OLD UGLY BEAST, will have his beauty and be no more a S/B. I have said.

#2014-02-21 13:05:16 by Barry1 @Barry1

@paulfox1

"Dating sites are for sad bastards!”

Well, this is wrong for your friend to say this. A more correct phrase would be,

"Dating sites are for enlightened bastards!”

Helloooo, is it 2014? Or 1954?

We're currently all very lucky indeed, to have both the capability and the knowledge to access online dating sites such as this. I believe your friend is doing himself a major disservice, by NOT choosing to go down the internet dating site line.

You also said,

"I am quite surprised... no-one has written a ....series of articles on different ‘types’ of male CLM members......So based purely on RESPONSES to my 7 articles, I am going to attempt to write a series on this subject"

Great stuff, Paul. I really look forward to this.

May I be so bold as to give you an indicator as to which category I may be in? I don't even know if you have this one yet, but in case you don't, here it is.

"Browned off bastards who consider many Western women are so loud mouthed and up themselves that they should be bypassed altogether. The men should be looking instead at Asian ladies who not only appear ten years younger but also are by comparison, beautifully quiet and demure."

#2014-02-21 15:42:21 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

@paulfox1 and @barry1

Hmmm, did you guys join together?

Is there some kind of a special bond between you?

I just noticed that you both ended your username's with the number 1. Coincidence? I think not!

Also, I like Barry's idea of suggesting categories by describing ours. So I guess mine is best labelled "Ex Sad Now Happy Bastard" since I have my lovely Chinese/Asian wife. And there are lots more like me who remain on this sight because of the great blogs and forum.

You might point out to your scorning friend that there are an awful lot of men meeting their life partners on sites like this, and that maybe we are or were Sad Bastards, but he is another type of Western Man - the "Lost and Misguided Sorry Ass".

Just saying...

#2014-02-22 07:07:37 by anonymous8992 @anonymous8992

First, loved the Ab Fab reference and pix. let's hear it for Patsy!

Great article, although I think you are being a bit stingy with the age range. My sense is that a Westerner can do about 15 years younger in China, especially given the fact that Chinese men view women over thirty as "leftover women." And I have known a number of men to do quite a bit younger. But you are certainly dead right in your estimate of Western men not being able to go much below a few years younger with Western women. A few weeks on match.com is enough to drive any male over 40 to international dating.

Looking forward to the sad bastard series. A brilliant idea.

#2014-02-22 11:38:35 by paulfox1 @paulfox1

@johnabbot

You said
Hmmm, did you guys join together?

Is there some kind of a special bond between you?

I just noticed that you both ended your username's with the number 1. Coincidence? I think not!

and then went on to say you are a "Ex Sad Now Happy Bastard"

In light of your first comment, perhaps you could be described as an "Ex Sad, but still cynical, happy bastard' (rofl)

The number #1 in both mine and Barry's usernames is totally co-incidental

#2014-02-22 16:59:17 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

@paulfox1 & @Barry1 - I would say that it really isn't possible to be a happy bastard without being a cynical one, wouldn't you?

I am extremely relieved to hear that you and Barry attached the #1 to your names by coincidence. After I had noticed it I kept getting this crazy picture in my mind of the two of you strolling down a street together in matching Tshirts and holding hands; and that really wasn't sitting right with me. Your assurances have me back thinking of you both as the manly men I had always figured you to be.

#2014-02-22 18:10:31 by paulfox1 @paulfox1

John
Barry lives in Brisbane and I live in Perth. This is like, well flying from Shenzhen to Liaoning (in China terms - a bloody long way)
For me to fly from SZ to Liaoning to meet a girl would mean a 4 hour (plus) flight - so she would need to be someone pretty special
As much as I like and respect Barry, I am hardly likely to travel this distance (neither is he) only to meet each other for a few beers
Meeting up in China would be far more likely (and we have not done that as of yet)
So anything else MUST be co-incidental and I can assure you that we are both the 'manly men' you always figured us out to be ! ]:)

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