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American Monkey Business    

By Ken Silver About Asia
8556 Views | 83 Comments | 9/27/2016 12:45:14 PM

Since time began the eternal lineage of Chumps, beginning with the primordial Chump Buddha and stretching to Mitt Romney and then on to me, has provided much needed horse laughs and a sense of smug superiority to suffering humanity…until now!

The American newspapers were saying that I, the current incarnation of Chump on Earth, was not half the idiot I claimed to be!

  “So called Mr. Chump of the Two Chumps and a Chimp comedy team seen yesterday refusing to buy pricey beautiful Asian women bar girl services!” screamed the headlines!  Of course they failed to mention my snappy comeback remark to the ladies… that even living in southeast Asia I was on such a tight budget that I could only afford sex with myself. (Afterwards, I’d look in the mirror and request a tip.) Furthermore, I ate only paper plates, and never rode an elephant.

I entered the Rajahs bar in a foul mood, slamming down the newspapers.

“I’m ruined, Rajah! Get the bag lady!  Hillary Clinton! She can fix anything for a price!”

He shrugged. “Just words. All you have to do is tell the American public you feel both ‘saddened and outraged’. Saddened and outraged. Or, if you like, outraged and saddened. That covers it all. The power of words in America is frightening.  ’Communist’ was the career ending word fifty years ago, now that word is a joke and the current kiss of death word is ‘racist’. Right now stupid Americans love words like ‘historic’ and ‘global’. They support Clinton because she is ‘historic’. If Americans don’t wake up, ten years from now the words they will want to hear will be ‘food clothing shelter’”

He pointed to the video monitor.  “Here’s real trouble….”

 I looked. We were all ruined!  Up there on the security monitor was my partner the Chimp, that scholar of Asian customs and etiquette, performing at a Bangkok strip bar lady boy show!  Even as I watched he broke into that sad Thai ballad ‘Dear lady, this monkey wants to give you a banana” as he grabbed his furry crotch with his tail and the ladies howled and applauded.

The Rajah smiled grimly and pointed to a woman in the first row, holding a banana up to the pirouetting Chimp.

It was Hillary!

As soon as the Chimp saw her he reached down at his feet, pulled out an enormous stuffed banana and threw it at Hillary!  The other ladies cheered as she caught it, then the Chimp began shouting “Monkey see monkey do” and the entire crowd responded by shouting “monkey see monkey do” over and over again!  Even as we watched, Hillary slipped quietly out the door.

 “Some bad news, Ken. The Chimp hacked your safety deposit box yesterday. All your cash - I estimate one million Thai dollars, minus the fifty grand I stole a week earlier - was in that big banana he threw Hillary. You’re penniless. Sorry, but from now on its eat paper plates and no more bar girls or elephants.”

My partner had stolen my entire life savings and I hadn’t had a clue!  Penniless!  A vast smile of relief flooded my face.

I damned well was a Chump!

Still, I walked out of the bar baffled. What was the Chimp paying off Clinton to do?  I mean the oil companies had paid her off to invade Libya, she’d taken money to protect Wall Street banks, she’d taken money for……well, for just about anything and everything, really. She took money to smile. When it came to the game of high fee high stakes money that lady was 24/7 on her knees in the alley, rolling dice.

The sidewalk was crowded with some foreign Jehovah Witness types, dressed in jackets and ties, come to spread the Good Word in the Land of Smiles. Down the street someone was shouting loud nonsense about something.  In a minute the wild eyed shouter was in front of us pedestrians.  He grabbed the nearest shirt and tie and kept shouting, only louder.
“I tell you it’s happening, Right before your eyes! You’re crazy not to see it! I tell you we are all being turned into monkeys! I tell you, they are turning people into monkeys, and nobody notices a damn thing! Mister, that guy behind you, he’s a monkey! That guy over there selling soup, adding vegetables while he picks his nose, can’t you tell he’s one of them! A monkey! The cop on the beat who shakes you down for a bribe, that friendly school teacher who touches you inappropriately, and of course Donald Trump; they’ve all been turned into monkeys!”

The shouter grabbed another set of shirt and tie and kept on screaming.  I ducked into the nearest bar, which in Thailand is of course is very near.

 Well! Of course, I was no monkey, I was a born fool, but everyone else…. even you, dear reader…. turned into a monkey?

But why? By my fourth beer I had the answer. Of course!

 Only a monkey would be stupid enough to pull the lever to vote for Hillary Clinton!

 Whites, blacks, Hispanics, the mentally retarded, feminists, even Republicans; her coalition was unraveling. But a monkey would see, and a monkey would do…

And the night before the election Hillary was scheduled to pull the ceremonial lever which officially opened the Hillary Clinton Bribe Taking Academy. The lever with her name printed in enormous letters on it.

The monkeys would see, and on election day the monkeys would do!

 Donald Trump is like Nostradamus.  Nonsense mixed with truths that are going to seem like uncanny prophecies ten years from now. Hillary Clinton is like a monkey, only you would have to be pretty hard up to ever consider having sex with her.  The American voter…well the American voter isn’t even American anymore. 

What do you call an out of control nuclear armed nation?

The United States of Armageddon!

Here comes Election Day!

Vote and take shelter!





Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
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#2016-09-27 12:53:17 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

Interesting stuff, Ken. Especially in view of the debate many of us just watched. Sadly, after four weeks of Trump gaining ground and having actually overtaken Hillary in the polls, he took a big step back tonight. It is especially sad because all Trump had to do to maintain his momentum was not let Hillary bait him, and everyone on both sides knew and predicted that was all he had to do. So why didn't he seem to know?

The problem is that Hillary, if elected, will lead the US into the abyss from which it may never return. When she insults him with her false smugness, all he needs to do is decline to respond to the insult and bring the discussion back to her record, but he just can't seem to do it. But he'd better learn to do it damned soon or it will too late, and the world will need to take shelter indeed! 😞

#2016-09-27 20:30:51 by Map1 @Map1

Don't worry, Mr. Trump will win by a landslide. Ruiters admited that they purposely polled 15% more Democrats to skew the poll results. If he loses, look for widespread voter fraud. Experts have admitted that the electronic voting booths can be easily hacked. Obama said that if the polls show that Donald Trump is ahead by 10 points and he loses the election, then he has the right to demand a recount. We know from the e-mails that Hillary stole the primary election from Senator Sanders. Super delegates were also helpful in thwarting the will of the Democratic electorate. Exit polls showed that Bernie won California. So why not expect her to steal the general election?

#2016-09-27 21:38:59 by paulfox1 @paulfox1

Regardless of whether 'coke' wins the election or 'pepsi' wins, the USA is a ticking time-bomb heading for a financial crash that's likely to make 2008 seem like a picnic.

Aside from the huge federal debt that is ballooning by the second, low stock market volume, insufficient consumer spending as well as artificially inflated housing prices, all point to a major 'correction' in the economy that's going to hurt a lot of people.....and hurt for a long time.


According to experts, the stock market will drop by at least 50%, house prices by 40%, and savings could lose up to 30% of their current value. This is going to happen no matter who becomes the next president.


According to many experts, after the 2008 GFC, around 10 million American homes were surrendered to the banks and lending institutions. Big multi-national companies stepped in and took advantage of the 'fire-sale'. Some companies were buying literally tens of thousands of homes. One company said they bought a total of 41,000 properties during 2008 and 2009.


Once the stock market begins its decline and some of these 'big boys' need to offload their holdings, flooding the market with properties can only result in one outcome.


At least the American people can wallow in their sorrow together, since whoever is in the Whitehouse will be blamed. If Clinton wins, Trump will be screaming 'You should have voted for me!' and vice versa.

However, it's a moot point because many believe that the US is already well past its tipping point - even printing MORE cash can't get them out of this one!

#2016-09-27 22:44:03 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

I am paying a lot of attention to the news these days, so without living in the US I still have a strong sense of the overwhelming anti-Trump bias in the mainstream news. And it isn't only the US media. Since they are all owned by the same guys, the mainstream media around the world is on an anti-Trump rampage. Remarkably it seems to be worst of all in Australia of all places.

However, it seems that a lot of people recognize it for what it is and there seems to be a growing backlash to it, ala Brexit. Maybe that's just wishful thinking on my part.

In my own humble opinion, should Clinton be elected, corruption will be so quickly institutionalized by her that the US will plummet both economically and as a leader on the world stage for many years to come. There may not be another election that is not fixed and predetermined for half a century and for certain not without a massive and likely violent revolution. And that assumes that this election isn't already fixed and predetermined.

On the other hand, should it not be fixed and predetermined, and Trump actually wins, then there is some hope that he can turn things around. That maybe asking too much, and it may be a false hope, but it is the only hope left.

@Map1 - I agree with you about the strong possibility of voter fraud, and frankly I think Obama said what he did about Trump leading by 10% to set the bar too high for Trump to complain ablout losing if he polling ahead by only 5% and loses. To me it seemed like a clear indication that a close election will be fixed in Hillary's favor. Which is a scary, scary thought!

#2016-09-28 03:09:06 by Map1 @Map1

Trump has a economic plan to deal with it.Tax and spending cuts along with renegotiating trade agreements, especially with China.  Hillary will raise taxes, continue the welfare state, support TTP, establishment globalsim, deficit spending, run up the debt, possibly go to war with Russia, not deal with ISIS and open our borders.  I'm voting for the Contitution Party candidate, Darrell Castle Esq. who will eliminate the Federal Reserve and get us on the gold standard again to bring back economic stability. I'll lobby Trump to follow suit and support the FairTax ( An economist who predicted the 2008 crisis says that the Stock Market will lose 80% of it's value. We'll face a 25 year depression.

#2016-09-28 03:41:54 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot


I guess if Trump loses your state by one vote, and if the loss of your state gives Hillary a national victory, we here at CLM will know who to blame. Please remind us what state your vote will be cast in.

I suggest to you that casting your vote in that manner in this particular election is tantamount to voting for Hillary. Or, as we would say in cattle country where I grew up, it is "barking up a dead horse's ass".

I urge you to reverse course, cast your vote for Trump so that it will actually count, and devote your time to pursuading Mr. Castle to push his followers to do the same. Then all of you can lobby Trump to get rid of the Fed (which I am confident he already has plans to do) and to follow the plans laid out by It is just possible that if you could achieve that, as daunting as it may seem, you might actually have a real and positive effect on the election.

#2016-09-28 05:26:46 by Map1 @Map1

I vote in South Carolina, which is certain to go with Trump. I vote my conscience, which isn't a wasted vote. I'm tired as are millions of Americans of the Republicats who are establishment, globalists.  Many voters will be pulled away from Hillary to vote for Gov. Johnson of the Libertarian Party and Dr. Stein of the Green Party. Due to the fact that Sec. Clinton stole the nomination from Sen. Bernie Sanders as the Democratic e-mails prove.Bernie's delegates were banned from the convention so as not to challenge Ms. Clinton. They were replaced with actors on the floor of the Democratic Convention.  I see more and more Johnson-Weld signs around town.  As I've stated in the true polls and those taken after the debate Trump won.

#2016-09-28 07:15:54 by paulfox1 @paulfox1


I'm not sure which economist you are referring to, but the one I was essentially quoting has predicted more than just the 2008 crash. To be fair, he DID say that a 50% drop was a conservative estimate and that it could be as high as 80%, so I guess we could be talking about the same guy.

You say that Trump has an economic plan to deal with it, yet according to this economist there is no 'economic plan' ever invented or implemented that can save the US from the inevitable.



I don't personally believe that the Brexit decision was connected to the US.

As an Englander myself, I have always been aware of what the British 'working-man' feels towards Europe, the single currency, and being ordered around by Brussels. The decision to leave Europe was a decision made by these same people. Call it 'anarchy' or simply just a 'middle-fingered salute', many British people had been waiting for this opportunity for years, having become tired and fed-up with Europe's influence and power over the lives of everyday British people.

#2016-09-28 12:37:23 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

@Map1 - sorry, but I am not buying this line in this case: "I vote my conscience, which isn't a wasted vote." In this case only one of two people is going to be elected, either Trump or Hillary. Your conscience should be telling you that voting for anyone else is a vote against Trump and for Hillary. 

I could agree with your position in an election in which the two primary candidates are equally acceptable. In that case, your vote would make a lot of sense because it would be a vote for getting rid of the ridiculous 2 party system that blinds Americans to everything else of importance in an election other than the Party Names. Personally I think that any American who says they are a Democrat or they are a Republican might as well say I am a Sheeple, and incapable of forming my own opinion on the various issues of the day.

But this is not such an election, and Trump is far from being a Republicat. In fact, most of the devout "Republican Globalists" have jumped ship as part of the "NeverTrump" group and are quietly (some not so quietly) supporting Hillary. So in refusing to vote for Trump you are to some degree supporting those guys you detest so much. 

Just imagine, come Election night when the ballots are counted and Hillary has won. You, and roughly 10,000,000 like you, are going to be looking deep into your souls and asking yourselves "What have I done?". You will repeat that question to yourselves countless times as you watch America crumble, and you will not find an answer to your liking. 

@paulfox1 - I thought I'd be calling in the fact checkers on you here too, but when I read what I wrote I can understand your misunderstanding. When I wrote "However, it seems that a lot of people recognize it for what it is and there seems to be a growing backlash to it, ala Brexit." I didn't mean they were recognizing the anti=Trump bias of the mainstream media for what it is. I meant that people were starting to recognize the main stream media as being self appointed cheerleaders for all things far left wing, ultra politically correct and blindly globalist, hence it's then bias against Brexit, and its current bias against Trump.

However it does not say that so clearly, and hence the fact checkers are backing off, because the ambiguity explains why you thought I was suggesting that Brexit was somehow connected to the US. That was not what I intended but you cannot be faulted for thinking it was. My apologies.

#2016-09-28 15:06:49 by Map1 @Map1

Did I say that Trump is an establisment, globalist Republicrat? His slogan is "Americanism, Not Globalism!" They are running scared and the only way at this point for Hillary to  win is if she steals the election like JFK's dad did. Another possibility would be a staged flag event. thousands are being mobilized to the polls to monitor the situation. Americans are smart enough to know that the mainstream media is a biased extension of Hillary's campaign. It was very evident in their assessment of the debate. They don't buy it and look to the alternative media for information. I like Trump and I'm doing what I can to write "Letters to the Editor" and blog attacking Sec. Clinton.

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