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Self-proclaimed “American by Birth, Southern by the Grace of God”, a retired USA State Police Lieutenant with broad experience in SE Asia and China, David will focus on Online Obsessions and Real Relationships: Navigating Chinese/Western Cross Cultural Relationships. He'll share his and others experiences in internet dating, social networking and real life dating in China. Typically American, he will bring you the upside and downside of East/West relationships openly and directly. He hopes both genders can gain some useful knowledge from his blog as well as a few laughs.
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All Men are Created Equal?: Foreigners and Expats in China and Asia    

By David Lee
5423 Views | 8 Comments | 5/25/2012 1:25:33 AM

All men are not created equal so it seems.

Maybe in the eyes of God all men are created equal, however, realistically that’s about where it ends. The stark reality is people worldwide usually, not always, remain in the social stratification they were born to. We all know and are fascinated with the “Rags to riches” stories of people who have come from nothing and “Made it big” with some innovative business idea or seemingly fantastic luck.

For every one of these fascinating success stories portrayed historically or in today’s media, I dare say there are at least a million people or more whose station in life never changes. They are often relegated to extreme or abject poverty all their life barely scratching-out a meager existence to survive.

Chinese and other Asians often say, “It is my Fate” and maybe Christians worldwide for example say, “It is the Will of God” and others just simply say, “I am not lucky”. In the final analysis, I believe it all equates to the same thing.

I was always fascinated with the study of Sociology, especially social stratification and issues of prejudice and discrimination. Criminal Justice was my Major course of study in my university years with a Minor in Sociology. During my twenty-five year law enforcement career, I also received some great formal and hands-on experience in many aspects of psychology.

While I certainly do not pretend to be or present myself as an expert, this combined education and experiences has been extremely beneficial to provide a background to view people worldwide in a more objective, realistic or pragmatic way without letting stereotyping creep into the equation.

Unfortunately all of us cannot, or should I more accurately say, unwilling to do this.

I always cringe in anticipation of the usual or stereotypical answers I receive when I ask Chinese women, “Why do you like or want a Western boyfriend or husband? Their answers usually are:

“Western men are good”.

I reply, “Really? ALL Western men are good?” or “Which Western men? Black, White, Asian, Middle-eastern, South American?” or “Which religion is good?” After all, North America and Europe for example have very diverse people and cultures of many nationalities, ethnic groups and religions or beliefs. “Why are they good”?

“Chinese men are no-good”.

I reply, “Really? ALL Chinese men are no-good?” or “Which Chinese men are no good? P.R.C. Chinese men, or American Chinese men, or Singaporean Chinese men?”, or “Why no-good?”

Their answers more often than not include, “I doe know” and “No why”.

The same thing applies to the question “What type or kind of man do you look for?”

The answers range from:

“A good man.”

“A responsible man.”

“A take care me man.”

I reply, “So what is a “Good” man for you?”

I’ve only found a few Chinese women over the years (at least that stand-out in my mind and were not Gold Diggers), one here in Chengdu and another on their Internet dating website profile that could concisely explain the specific “What” she preferred in a potential mate.

Melanie in Chengdu told me, “I want a man who takes a shower and changes his underwear daily”.

The other in her member profile description of an Ideal Mate or What She Was Seeking stated and was equally simple… “No stinky man”

Their standards are NOT too high and I qualify!

BTW, all you foreign men, personal hygiene is usually very important to Asian women (at least to the ones most of you would be interested in), especially Chinese women, even to the point of driving a man crazy. Simple things common to me, such as good personal grooming, are often looked at by them in amazement and awe.

I’ve had Chinese women AND men alike sniff the air like a dog when they’re close to me. I don’t usually wear cologne anymore and I know I took a shower recently. Then I realize they can smell my Old Spice deodorant and/or Pantene shampoo. Once the connection is made, the approving nod of their head follows.

I had a Hooter’s girl recently who commented, “David your fingernails so short.”

“Not really” I replied before thinking she was probably so accustomed to seeing so many local Chinese men with long, dirty fingernails, especially that nasty looking long pinky fingernail resembling a shovel. She had just paid me a very big compliment!

Sometimes the little things we do that most of us take for granted mean the most to others. You just never know what is most important to them.

On this same note, Chinese and Asian women usually take their shower immediately before going to bed. They expect you to do the same even though you may have just had a shower immediately before their arrival at your home. I’ve experienced this numerous times across Asia and had to let them feel my still wet towel and wash cloth for them to believe me!

They take this hygiene seriously and in one case a few years ago Bride kills groom over dirty feet, a Chinese woman actually killed her new husband for coming to bed with dirty feet!

This is a case-in-point of why I really cringe and laugh out loud to myself when I see some apparently uninitiated (See… once again I’m politically correct and didn’t say stupid) Western man with little or no experience in China, write some stereotypical comment on a Blog or a Forum such as “All Chinese girls are like little dainty roses or fragile flowers in the field”. Dude! Have you been watching too many of these old Chinese movies with sweet damsels in distress?

Yea Bubba, when you actually get to meet SOME of these not-so-good “flowers” (some often found on multiple “Good” Internet dating websites), AKA Road Whores in disguise, you will quite possibly find the only thing resembling a flower about them is a big rose plastered on her lower left breast or back! MANY of these roses truly have big thorns. When you’re “Boots on the Ground” in Asia you can see and experience this for yourself.

BTW, I have a news flash for some of you dinosaurs out there! ALL Scammers are NOT Nigerians, Russians, men, etc. It is often a real Asian woman. Even IF an Internet dating website is diligent and does its best to vet or weed-out the Scammers, regardless if men or women, they are still there, maybe for years.

Some are just more skilled and cleaver at masking their true intentions until you’re sucked into a relationship or ACTUALLY meet them and/or observe them in action over a period of months or even years as I have in Chengdu. I wrote about my first-hand observations in 2011 and some of these women you see Online are more like Venus Fly Traps!

If you don’t believe me, ask Peter a Chinese lawyer acquaintance of mine whose face and head was “Sliced and diced” late one night three years ago by one of these innocent and dainty Chengdu “Flowers” wielding a razor blade. I don’t know… maybe he deserved it. After all he is a lawyer!

Even worse across China and Asia is the proliferation of mayhem with women “Bobbitizing” their boyfriend and/or husband like in the case of a Guangzhou woman Guangzhou Wife Cut’s Off Cheating Husband’s Penis whereby they non-surgically removing their partners “Love Muscle” while he’s in sleep full bliss. Ouch! Yep, dainty flowers indeed!

Another good reason for getting the hell out of Guangzhou!

OK, all you Chinese and Asian ladies, PLEASE take note! I DID NOT SAY ALL of you! I said SOME, so please read again before you jump my ass!

Likewise foreign men, I said SOME, NOT all of you are uninformed, uninitiated, or have dinosaur thinking!

In my next posting I will again discuss my American friend Mr. T to illustrate some relevant points about stereotyping.

Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
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(Showing 1 to 8 of 8) 1
#2012-05-25 04:58:00 by cstorvik @cstorvik

I have always wondered why there are so many women from chengdu on chinalovematch (in my age range). Is it because they are all thorns?

#2012-05-25 19:27:52 by tanshui @tanshui

Ha Ha Ha.

Good posting David.

I too am amazed at the views of Chinese women about 'good western' men and western men about 'dainty, fragile flowers'.

A good Chinese woman could not survive in her culture as a beautiful rose if she did not a have a titanium core. The family demands on a woman in China as a daughter, sister, wife and mother who is often working full time are quite amazing. The fact that they can then be so romantic and affectionate and caring is absolutely wonderful.

#2012-05-25 22:39:13 by anonymous3671 @anonymous3671

It seems you have dated or maybe slept with many Asian / Chinese women. I have the impression that you show little respect to them. I am wondering if these women you talked about are really so stupid? Poor women, they are so naive to believe that every western man is a gentleman. Definitely stereotyped!

#2012-05-26 08:27:44 by anonymous3674 @anonymous3674

Many western men are not gentlemen, they are scum bags. It is true, they are mad because they can't have a beautiful Asian girl and I mean "the one who has a sense of value type girl". They are angry because Chinese women are smarter than most men in America. Many Americans are ugly, fat and talk nonsense, they do not know where China is on a world map. They are pigs. America has no culture. China is a country with high culture, for example woman are slim, smart and beautiful. Why would a Chinese woman want an ugly fat fat man, who does not want to go running and lose weight? Because he has money?! Haha, when you are smart enough, money does not matter in love. American culture is baseball and hotdogs. Eating and eating is what they do best. I myself am American, but I learn from very smart people who have culture from different nations because I think there is no one to look up to in America, maybe only a few, few people. To live in America and not learn about European culture and Asian culture is very bad. If we do not change ourselves, we would then write angry letters about how all Chinese woman are bad! Definitely stereotyped!!

#2012-05-27 10:30:44 by meili2008 @meili2008

Hi David. I have my opinion about your article. You are a good at reseach Chinese social stratification and issues of prejudice and discrimination even you don't pretend to be an expert. And you had some experiences with Chinese ladies.

Chinese ladies come to CLM,the main reason is that CLM povides them more opportunity and have a wider geographic spread for looking the right person as their hushand. English is not our mother tongue. So I understand they couldn't describe both of Chinese man western man character as well. We can never say all the Chiese men are not good.

As your point: ALL Scammers are NOT Nigerians, Russians, men, etc. Yes, scammers can be anyone. But my opinion is there are so many good guys and nice women there. Also many bad man and worst ladies all over the world. It depends how do you recognize it.

Western culture and western man attracts Chinese women to learn about it before they know it as well, just like western men swarmed around Chinese women, attracted by their beauty and sympathetic. I don't deny few bad man uses Chinese lady's such good character.

When there is a day Chinese woman learn western culture as well, they would say: "Man wherever he is from, just the same." When English language just like Chinese, Chinese woman would figure out what they need from a man.

I would pray for all the women and man from CLM, be lucky for getting the right one.


#2012-05-28 03:47:52 by anonymous3693 @anonymous3693

This is in response to the anonymous person who wrote that many western men are "scum bags". I agree with all of your points except one. You wrote: "American culture is baseball and hotdogs." I would correct this and say "American culture is football and beer." Baseball is too intellectual a sport for many Americans.

#2012-05-28 10:11:26 by abi513 @abi513

Thanks to all for your comments.

One reason cstorvik there are so many girls from Chengdu on CLM, or other Internet dating websites, is there is at least 12-14 million people here and some say 80-100 million people in Sichuan Province. To put in perspective, Sichuan Province alone has about 25% of the USA population. However, many women on CLM or other Internet dating websites list Chengdu as home, but are actually living in another city, town or village in Sichuan.

Sichuan was one part of the ancient Silk-Tea-Horse Road, therefore has a rich history and culture dating back well over 4,000 years. The women in Sichuan and nearby Chongqing (Formerly part of Sichuan until it became the Fourth Municipality) is often recognized, or stereotyped by Chinese women, as well as men, as having on average the largest abundance of beautiful women.

This rich history and mixing of nationalities and ethnicities (foreign and domestic) has significantly contributed to, in my opinion, this reputation being well deserved and no myth or legend. There are truly many beautiful and good women, inside and out, here with NO thorns!

Tanshui, I could not agree with you more about the typical Chinese woman here having a “Titanium core” and an ability to multi-task enormous daily burdens and usually cheerfully. This is to be truly recognized, admired and respected.

I do not usually respond to “Anonymous” comments, however I’ll make an exception here. Yes, I have experience living and working in Asia for a total of six years. One of those years was in Indonesia. I have been in China over five years and NEVER returned to the USA during this time. Therefore, I DO have experience dating women from different Asian countries I have lived or visited.

“No respect” for Chinese/Asian women as the anonymous female contributor said? I am confident most, if not all, my Chinese/Asian female friends who truly know me in REAL life and not only through the Internet would beg to disagree with you! If writing about the less informed, less desirable or nefarious women in any country or culture is detrimental to perpetuating generalizations and stereotypical myths, then I am guilty as charged!

If you read over two years of my Blogs (nearly 100}, I’ve tended to be more critical of Western, especially American women, but certainly DO NOT believe ALL are bad. I’ve tried hard to be fair, balanced and honest with my observations, experiences and subsequent writings, however there have been many who cannot or refuse to accept this. Just because YOU are a better-informed woman, does this mean ALL women are informed? Certainly not!

NO culture in America as the male anonymous member said? WOW? ALL Americans just eat and eat? WOW! Your list of generalizations and stereotyping goes on and on! Perhaps you have never been to China, much less lived here, and observed large numbers of the often rich, older, fat and ugly CHINESE men with beautiful Chinese girls in tow. The Chinese women, and in some cases Russian, Ukrainian or Eastern European, are with him purely for his winning personality? Hmmmm… is it possible his money, home and BMW or Mercedes has any influence? Get a grip! Money turns girl’s heads worldwide. I am by no means rich, but neither do I begrudge those who are rich unless they are obnoxious or flaunt it and throw it in my face.

BTW, most Chinese men and women I've shared meals with, or observed, are human food consuming machines packing-in far more food than I in less time. In fact, I enjoy witnessing these often petite Chinese women consume so much food and still maintain a great figure!

Meili2008, thanks so much for your well-balanced comments. I especially want to thank you for your comment “Well researched”. I cannot speak for others, but it takes me on average four to six hours, to research, write, edit, find appropriate multiple and properly linked images and then post for publishing. It is anyone’s prerogative to disagree with me, but not because I do not have some actual or factual basis to support my assertions or beliefs!

As a former English teacher in China, I could not agree with you more that lack of English language ability on the part of the woman and usually little or NO language ability on the part of a foreign man, makes for difficult in-depth responses or understanding in most cross-cultural relationships. However, responses such as “I doe know” and “No why” are often NOT because of English inability, but simply an avoidance mechanism. It is often akin to the “Maybe” response used so often in Asia to avoid saying “NO” directly.

#2012-05-29 09:55:43 by meili2008 @meili2008

David, thanks for taking time to respond my commet. Be honest, I also can't get used to part of Chinese culture since lived in oversea years. Especially Chinese people would like to say"when the time comes" after you make appointment with Chinese people. Yes, they don't usually refuse you. But it means they could forgive themself even they don't appear, also you should not get mad because they already told you "when the time comes". Just like Asia to avoid saying “NO” directly.

But my point is is there are so many good guys and nice women there. Also many bad man and worst ladies all over the world. It depends how do you recognize it. Chinese women come to ALL or CLM, it doesn't mean only because western men Excellent than Chinnese man. I know there are a lot of Chengdu(SiChuan) women want to live in American or other country before they know foreigner as well, before they know the foreign culture as well. Even some of them don't speak English. I am not sure what they want from a foreigner.

I have an American brother who had date with a Chengdu ladies , 30 years yunger than him. I had been their translator for a while. What I knew is that lady wanted to live in USA. But really not sure if she could live there without any language ability. As I said still there are many Chinese women can't have a corrected expression of Chinese men because of English level and the experience that they have a broken heart from their past life mostly.

I am not against to internation marriage. My attitude towards this idea is that we should know what we want from life, or say from the future husband wherever he is from. In my opinion, wherever the future husband is from, and wherever we will live with him, is not important. The main key between two person is love.

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