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Panda, a common typing and binding worker in State Grid for 21 years. Own a bachelor degree of Chinese Language and Literature, and a certificate of teaching Chinese. She is pursuing a Master of Chinese Classical Literature in HuBei University, and studying the novels of Ming & Qing dynasties.
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About Chinese Man    

By Panda
4852 Views | 13 Comments | 6/12/2010 10:58:12 AM
Tag: 华人  

we have to pay our wish on the nephew, for our own son is so incapable.

From the ancient China to now. Chinese society always pays more attention to the male than the female. This is the root of this country. And a poor family also can grow a playboy.

Please turn your eyes to the Olympic Games. Chinese women always win more prizes than the men. On football game, the Chinese players gain the highest salaries of the sports area, but only receive disappointment. Just like an old fork: we have to pay our wish on the nephew, for our own son is so incapable. Chinese female football players are very strong girls. They are our honour, not the men.

In fact, there are too many Chinese men like my ex-husband. He has very good relationships with his colleagues in his department. He made progress on his work and reached the higher position as usual. Some of his female colleagues came to my home to talk with me, tried to persuade me to abandon divorce. And they also said that their own husbands just liked him, not behaved very well. But we should be in patience and so on. But I insisted. Yes, maybe I cost too much, especially it is unfair to my son. This is why I haven’t found a Chinese man to marry again. A Chinese man can unfeel to his own son, and how could I hope that another man would treat my son kindly in China. I dare not to try.

We have an ancient fork, that’s to say: There is no physical contact between a man and a woman except between man and wife. In our school life, in the primary school and middle school, the schoolboys and schoolgirls have a serious line in their mind. If a boy sitting beside a girl, they will draw a line in the middle of the desk, we called it “three-eight line”(maybe from the woman’s day-it is on eighth March). No one can pass through it. If a boy wants to touch a girl’s hand or even kisses her, that’s impossible. We also have a fork, it is: a toad lusting after a swan’s flesh. For the toad is too ugly, and the swan is too gentle. They are impossible to get together.

When the youth reach the ages that could be married, especially in old China, most of them might marry first, then talk about love. As most youth in China, after I had a job, and had the economic resource, some relatives of my family or the friends of my parents began to introduce boyfriends for me immediately. Some time later, an aunt worked in an University introduced a colleague to me. He was an ordinary clerk in a department in that University. We contacted 9 months and married. After our marriage, I discovered that he was a selfish and unfeeling one. After 6 months’ marriage, I was pregnant. He unexpectly let me have an induced abortion. His reason was: we should have a baby after my mother had retired. Then she could help to grow up our baby. I wanted to divorce after I heard this. After I had my son borned, he not only loved his son much, but also found some little things to argued with me. I was in a poor healthy at that time, and disliked him in my heart very much…When the baby in its 3 months, I demanded divorce to the court. But this time, I faild, for he had a friend in the court, and the baby was too young. After that, we lived apart for half a year and he never visited his son in these days. Then I demand divorce again to the court, this time, the court must judge our divorce.

So, my son is growing up under our family’s love. I haven’t given him a father, that’s what my great regret. I am always feeling so sorry about this. For his father is an unfeeling one and married again 4 years later, he never demanded to visit him before my son went into his high-school.

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#2010-06-12 12:33:48 by woaizhongguo @woaizhongguo

Very powerful. Thanks for sharing this. I am reminded of some lines from Xinran's book "The Good Women of China."
"The position of Chinese women has always been at the lowest level.
They were classed as objects, as part of property, shared along with
food, tools and weapons. Later, they were permitted to enter the men’s
world, but they could only exist at their feet—entirely reliant on the
goodness or wickedness of men….Chinese history is very long, but
it has been a very short time since women have had the opportunity
to become themselves and since men have started to get to know them."

#2010-06-12 17:54:53 by magchen @magchen

Dear Blogger:
Out of strong curiocity about how Chinese men would be described this time(lol,sinceso many articles about this group), i checked it out and started reading, but when i and read, ...and read to the last word, -- i was confused: Is it about representing CHinese man in general, or, a contemplation about a failed marrige? or about a nobel and lofty woman who condoned her miserable Hus with magnanimity ?
Sorry i may sound a little bit bitchy here, but, dont let these sad memories hurting you all the time -- a forgetable memory brings happiness more easily. -- Cheers!

#2010-06-13 21:07:35 by thedragonb1 @thedragonb1

Sorry to hear such a story of your past, Hui, thank you. Growing up without a father and only have the attention of single mother's love is not enirely bad. Do not worry. I grew up the same with a single mother. Boys with single mothers grow up to be better men because you as a mother teach us. We learn how to respect women. Your son will be more respectful and caring towards the future girls and women in his life, because YOU were there for him. I used to talk with my mother as a child and learned that I wanted to be a better man. The man my mother wished she had in her life. Do know it takes boys/men longer to learn how to love women correctly. We are more immature than women. It takes us more time and many mistakes to for us men to know what is important in love. We get it eventually.

#2010-06-14 01:41:11 by kahnsfury @kahnsfury

I understand your regret for not giving your son a father, but sometimes the love of one parent is better than having two. Especially if having two parents means that the parents fight constantly. I'm sure you are a wonderful mother and your son should be very proud of what you have done for him.

#2010-06-15 20:50:09 by yourmaoannian @yourmaoannian

The title is too wide,but I read to the end, I feel you say your failed marriage,In your failed marriage, to sum up all the Chinese men, in my opinion, it is biased, it is unfair.In fact, the Chinese men have very obvious advantages, there are certainly drawbacks.This is due to the reasons for Chinese history and culture. . . Is not that the Chinese women?I just think the worst part of Chinese men is that they did not give a later age of marriage of Chinese women more opportunities. They care about women's looks and age.

#2010-06-18 11:42:24 by bettyhan @bettyhan

A lot of Chinese man never know what is love. They didn't love his parents and they didn't love his wife and children.
They strict request his wife filial piety their parents, just for their face. They want have everything and they didn't pay.

#2010-06-19 23:25:27 by meg @meg

Why do you have the bad feelings about all Chinese men???

We should know there are good or bad men anywhere in the world, not only in China, so are women.

Lucky or not, just see your fate.

#2010-06-20 21:12:58 by yourmaoannian @yourmaoannian

i think it is not fate,that is your own choice.There are good or bad men anywhere in the world.Because lack of experience when you are young and a variety of reasons,you choose a bad man,you can not say that a bad thing,you can only say that an experience.
You just need to forget the past and move on,you can not to fail the second time again.
There is a saying in China: a woman must have a pair of eyes of wisdom to choose a good man.

#2010-06-21 22:02:32 by h08serch @h08serch

Cao Hui,
looks like you want to "unload" the emotional background, but are returning back to it, continue to stick to it.
What do YOU feel NOW after all?What disturbs you?You've made the decision, and, though it was painful,you regard it to be the most appropriate one.Did you change your mind?
Some bitterness is always present in attention to past relations, and the broken heart can't make thoroughly examined decisions.I usually call people to practice tai chi in order to help to calm their heart and mind, and to make appropriate decisions.
And please, do not regard all Western men as the princes.My personal counselling experience shows, that women in different countries vow for Mr Right, regard Western culture as the conveyor of princes. It is not.Listen to your calm heart and mind.

#2010-07-28 19:38:55 by jinxiulady @jinxiulady

Of couse, there are bad or good men anywhere, but most Chinese men need to be educated. They should learn how to be a husband and father.

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