Chinese Women, Asian Women, Online Dating & Things Chinese and Asian
Bren is presently married to a Chinese woman after meeting her on CLM. He's a Production Manager/Designer by profession. He enjoys writing on topics of personal experience and observation. From the "meet & greet" to "married life" with an intercontinental relationship, he hopes to create interest and discussion with all of you. Feel free to say, "Hi!" He also welcomes your messages, questions and feedback through CLM (thedragonb1).
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A Must See: New Documentary For All CLM'rs    

By Bren
5947 Views | 16 Comments | 7/28/2012 1:20:34 PM

Hey, whasup CLM! :) back again after hearing the latest wife just hipped me to this new independent documentary!!! It is right up CLM's alley and very interesting indeed. I was trying to get fellow blogger Peter or JohnAbbot to write about it, but Peter balked and in replying to him (also realizing the movie is still on the festival circuit and not available to watch as of yet), I figured why don't I submit my reply as a blog to CLM instead. So this is just a quick entry with me posing questions and thoughts to create discussion! It may seem very random and scattered, but what the hell. I'm just riffing and typing away here with no structure...

The documentary: Seeking Asian Female

"The story:
Seeking Asian Female is an eccentric modern love story about Steven and Sandy—an aging white man with “yellow fever” who is obsessed with marrying any Asian woman, and the young Chinese bride he finds online. Debbie Lum, a Chinese American filmmaker, documents and narrates with skepticism and humor, from the early stages of Steven’s search for an Asian bride, through the moment Sandy steps foot in America for the first time, to a year into their precarious union. Global migration, Sino-American relations and the perennial battle of the sexes, weigh in on the fate of their marriagein this intimate and quirky personal documentary."

View the trailer here!... :)

Very interesting! Some of you may feel their interactions are familiar. I know I felt some familiarities with it. Like when Sandy, the wife, says, "I don't want you to tell your girls about me!" Haaaa! I think my wife could have said this to me about putting our business here on the CLM blogs! :) I definitely want to see this film! I'm eager to see to the miscommunication that happens and cultural conflicts. I am sure I will be laughing my ass off at the similarities that most of us will discover! Unfortunately, it doesn't look like a good outcome with the way the trailer ends. A 60 year old man with a 30 year old Chinese woman?... Whewwwww that's some difference! But shooot, what 60 year old man wouldn't be in HEAVEN to have such a young wife? Of course, I immediately suspect the woman's true intentions to this 60 year old man. But age is just a number, right? ;) Somehow I think the guy would have had better luck had he been a member of CLM and read our blogs, yes?!!! There are some obvious flaws from watching the trailer, but I do not have the whole story. I'm shocked that she was able to get a visa when it doesn't seem her English is very good. How the heck did the Visa Officer approve the visa with an obvious communication/language barrier between them? I MUST SEE THIS FILM!

I watched some interviews with Debbie Lum, the creator of this documentary, about how she felt about this topic. I found it interesting how many Asian Americans seriously frown upon us foreign men interested in dating/marrying an Asian woman. It always seems to come down to a ASIAN FETISH in their minds. The "Yellow Fever" bullshit. It can't be just an interest in the woman. Or having an attraction; or appealing to a ethnicity and culture. We like what we like, right? Do we get on their asses or get upset when they date a foreigner as if they are infiltrating our culture?! Debbie originally had a hang-up about the infatuation of "western" men into the Asian woman categorizing it to a fetish. It's complete bullshit in my mind because I don't feel me being attracted to Asian women is a fetish. Attraction is attraction. I can easily have the hots for pretty women regardless of her ethnicity, period! I'm game as long as she's an attractive woman. For most of us guys on here it's not something solely sexual. Sure, there's always the exception and some men possess that stereotype of Asian women, but to hell with them! If you are in it for the wrong reasons, you'll quickly learn. For the rest of us, We like what we like. If you are into someone, do your thang, I say!

Another thought that comes to mind, many Asian Americans just don't like the fact that we men want to date them or their fellow Asians. From my experience, many Asian Americans just don't have any interest in meeting or interacting with Asians from Asia. There also seems to be a bias against us Americans/Westerners. Sometimes I get the feeling from Asian Americans that they feel I'm invading their shit. "No, don't approach my people!" Sort of like how a child who has a toy, but is bored with it, yet, as soon as I show interest in their toy they get pissy about it and want to protect it. I'm not trying to dumb this down as if Asian women are toys, but I hope you get the idea of what I'm trying to express. It's as if Asian women should be hands-off to us foreign men. It's like we gwailo (Cantonese) are ruining the Asian women. Weakening the bloodline!

There is a serious disconnect with Asian Americans and Asians from Asia. Class-ism? Nationalism? Looking down upon? Elite-ism? Who the heck knows?!! I don't have the time to study or dwell on the reasons why or how to understand it. I guess we all have our hang ups with each other. To me, it seems Asian Americans feel they are, dare I say, "better, smarter, wiser, more experience or knowledgeable," than Asians from Asia. Funny thing is, the same can be said for Asians from Asia and how they feel about Asian Americans. I find both "look down" upon each other, at times. Asians seem to frown upon Asian Americans because they feel the "ABCs" (American Born Chinese) have lost their way, lost their culture and roots to their homeland. I see hints of it all around me. It's so funny because I can understand the feelings a bit and see the similarities with myself being Black American and how we are perceived by Africans, West Indians, etc. We all have similar hang-ups! So I can understand it somewhat. I think we all as human beings just need to get along and stop worrying about the petty dumb shit! Love who you want to love. Like who you want to like. Live your life, mind your own business and be happy! But we are some nosy mofos, aren't we?!! Always peeking in someone else's business! Haaaa! Hey, how about this...instead of worrying who's loving who, how about putting your energy towards loving one another and making the world a better place?

Is all of this making sense? It's all just my thoughts...

One more thought to throw out there! Why the hell does my wife try to speak English when we go into a Chinese restaurant or experience an Asian store clerk? Speak some Chinese, dammit! Show some solidarity and maybe...just maybe, we can get better service, a free treat, or at least tastier dishes without any special sauce!!! ;)


Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
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#2012-07-27 03:38:09 by thedragonb1 @thedragonb1

My goodness... I type too damn much. I got to learn to keep it short!!!

#2012-07-28 20:19:13 by aussieghump @aussieghump

Already hate it..."yellow fever"...indeed!

#2012-07-28 20:52:49 by Dayton @Dayton

Great article! After watching the trailer and various new articles it definately sparked an interest and like you I would recommend all CLM members (both men & women) to watch it. I am looking forward to watching the entire documentary and have sent an email to the company asking if it will be shown in the Florida area or where I can buy the dvd.

#2012-07-28 22:42:36 by histguy @histguy

Thank you for sharing that with us! I look forward to watching the whole film. The trailer made me shudder and cringe...because that is EXACTLY how I envision it happening between these older guys seeking to reclaim their youth by marrying women so much younger than them. On one hand, I felt sorry for the girl because she was marrying someone who could be old enough to be her grandfather. Yuck. But on the other hand, if all she wanted was to gain exit from her home country...she got what she was asking for. I wonder how she feels about being seen with the old man in public, holding hands, walking down the street. And I wonder how they manage things romantically...I imagine her closing her eyes when she is with him physically. How horrible. If I had to guess, I see divorce in their future. But I definitely want to watch the movie.

#2012-07-29 13:21:53 by woaizhongguo @woaizhongguo

Thanks for writing this (It saved me a lot of work). I just read an NPR interview with the filmmaker. I can't say I came away liking her very much. It is pretty clear she is not happy with all these Western men marrying Asian women. And she even admits to originally wanting to do the film as an expose on the men, who it is clear she has a level of contempt for. But she admits that at least some of her attitudes got turned around in the course of making the film. Still, hers is a world of "yellow fever" (a term she freely uses) and "Asian fetish," in which countless deluded Western men are combing the internet in search of.submissive Asian brides. As you say, no one who bothers to follow the blogs will ever come away with this idea, so at least we are doing some good in dispelling that misconception, if it was ever out there in the first place. Link to interview"

#2012-07-30 07:46:29 by Robert52 @Robert52

I had never heard this term before. I agree, "Already hate it..."yellow fever"...indeed! "

#2012-07-31 22:45:15 by Elijah @Elijah


#2012-08-02 00:52:31 by doctorj @doctorj

i agree with i love china's (woaizhongguo) observations. this appears to be a filmmaker with an agenda to advance, and toward what end? to warn western men? eastern women? and, is this really a documentary or a so called "docudrama" in which characters are exaggerations distorted for entertainment value?

like bren, i'm married to a younger lady from the middle kingdom and probably like him and this "couple" there are inevitable differences. but come on. he apparently knows not one word of chinese and she perhaps only a few words of english? puleeeze. perhaps like most real couples my wife and i speak chinglish both here and in china, and we have managed to blend the best of both cultures. but that story does not make for a movie. this apparent atrocity does.

i suspect our man john will add his always insightful views.

#2012-08-03 03:53:56 by thedragonb1 @thedragonb1

Haaaha, Yea, I thought this film would ruffle some feathers.

No question, the filmmaker is out to make it look like it's a bad idea to be interested in Chinese women. But then look at the relationship she sought to show us? She could have sought a few couples instead of one that was heading for obvious conflicts. I mean the girl didn't even know she was getting a visa and not married! What the hell? It doesn't seem like they even TALKED before walking in the office! How the HELL did they even get her a VISA/Passport or what ever?! Seriously?!!

Glad folks are commenting on this! I still want to watch it. To see how biased the director/filmmaker is. Maybe she does change her tune by the end. Poor guy. He seems so sincere. Trying to love and care for this woman. Maybe he's just an innocent deer caught in the headlights and unfortunately gets run over. Hopefully he is wiser by the end of it all. If he didn't know before, :) I'm sure he now realizes that such a relationship and marriage can not be rushed without considering the facts of it all blowing up in your face. It's a heavy weight to consider. And regardless, any relationship and marriage is a risk.

He's a question to pose.. is this filmmaker, Debbie Lum, jealous? Envious? Racist? I must say, I do get annoyed at guys who careless on CLM and think it's a damn game; goes and commits to marrying a woman online without taking the time to truly realize what he is doing....

But she does know how to pick-'em, doesn't she? One minute this woman is all smiles and loving and the next second she's bitching him out harshly. Haaaha...I'm a sucker for Jerry Springer drama even though I hate it! Is it good me to get lured in by seeing a mess unfold for entertainment purposes? It's sad... Maybe I should ignore this on principle. Yet I am curious to know if this documentary will cast a serious shadow with meeting online from different countries.

Does this documentary mean more work for those here who are considering the possibility to find love online in another country? Personally, I don't think it's going to get that much attention being that it's an indie film. NPR may do an expose on it, but not much farther than that. Discovery channel, maybe? IFC? Yet, part of me feels if this got pushed into the public eye, this could change many minds after viewing it. How's game for showing how GREAT their CLM union will be?! :)

"Not I," said the Dragon, " scars haven't healed yet." :-P

#2012-08-04 07:32:51 by Andypanda @Andypanda

Hi all. I am an Australian man seeking a Chinese wife. I watched the trailer for the film and only have views on this. Anyone can pre judge a older man who marries a bride half his age (easy target). But surely he is no different to most people who are simply looking to find happiness. I agree a woman ten years older may have worked out better ? But that would have had not been without risk to fail either.
The "yellow fever" thing is very narrow minded and I personally would like my wife to be my fantasy no matter where she was born (is this not a good thing) ? I also hope I am her fantasy man. This is only one aspect of true love, to have two heart's that connect and entwine is something that is priceless. I have had it one time with a western woman and I just happen to feel I will have a better chance of finding that again with a Chinese woman. My personal belief. I may end up being wrong but if she came from Australia, America,Spain,tim buck two or mars this could also be the case. Love is high risk no matter where and who. I have gone to the trouble of enrolling in Mandarin classes (not cheap and very difficult)
So this documentary could be the same result if the man was seeking a bride from his own country, even his own town. They should have (like another suggested) followed three couples not just one and we would have seen a much more realistic view on this subject.
Great and interesting blog's
Gan bie

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