Chinese Women, Asian Women, Online Dating & Things Chinese and Asian
A writer for CLM Magazine and CLM Social Pages, Achelle is also an independent blogger, giving her two cents on personal and social issues from an educated Filipina's point of view, especially those relating to love and relationships. She has a knack for tackling issues from unique angles that are often left unexplored, posing questions that move and challenge readers to view a certain issue from a wholly different perspective. Achelle is happily engaged to her childhood sweetheart and is currently based in the Philippines. Achelle's writing is a delight to read and highly enlightening, entertaining and thought provoking. You're going to see lots of her on our Emagazine, Blogs, Social Pages and Hubs. Enjoy
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A Question for Foreign Men    

By Achelle Vinzon
5086 Views | 19 Comments | 6/3/2013 3:52:11 PM

Do you think there’s a thin line between having an Asian fetish and having a sincere appreciation of Asian/Chinese women?

Despite the fact and also because of the same fact that countless successful marriages between foreign men and Asian/Chinese women have been formed through international online dating, the stereotype of a foreign man with an Asian fetish still persists. It persists for a reason, of course; there are still foreign men out there who are creepers and who fetishize Asian/Chinese women. The great number of foreign men who prefer Asian/Chinese women over others only seems to reinforce this stereotype.

Especially on the internet, there are still innumerable predators whose preferred preys are Asian/Chinese women. In fact, even here on CLM which is probably the most secure dating site there is these days, some Chinese women have reported meeting foreign men with highly questionable intentions and, sometimes, who are just outright indecent.

Asian-sexual fetishism, in particular, is still rampant in many East Asian countries such as Thailand and the Philippines. It is so rampant that it has actually become a form of tourism, specifically “sexual tourism.” While it is a very serious socioeconomic problem, it is, nevertheless, encouraged by Asians, and even a certain variety of Asian women; it does remain to be a lucrative source of revenue. In effect, both the stereotype and the ugly reality of the Asian fetishist persist because certain groups benefit financially from feeding the said fetish.

There are also those fetishists who simply have ignorant assumptions about the sexuality/sexual attitudes of Asian women, as well as their submissiveness. Their fetishism may be based on ignorance, but their ignorance only makes them racists and chauvinists, on top of being creepers. Ignorance certainly has never been a good excuse for bad behavior.

Foreign men whose desire of having an Asian or a Chinese wife is founded on their honest-to-goodness respect and admiration for Asian/Chinese values, as well as their desire to raise a family and their children on these values, are the ones who suffer the most from the persistence of this stereotype and the proliferation of Asian-sexual fetishism. Some Asian/Chinese women suffer, too, because their fear of being preyed upon actually damages some potentially good, cross-cultural relationship prospects available to them.

A real appreciation for Asian/Chinese women – their values which may or may not be combined with their physical attributes – that is marked by respect is what makes a foreign man’s interest in these women not a fetish, even if this interest goes as far as desiring an Asian/Chinese woman for a mate.

While doing some reading about Asian fetishism, I came upon this reference to a quote mentioned in a very insightful online article on the subject (“So He Likes You Because You’re Asian, by Vivienne Chen,

The quote was from Stephen Elliott of The
“To be desired is to be fetishized... this idea that I want someone to desire me but not objectify me with their desires is absurd. It's like saying I only want to date someone who is not attracted to people that look like me. Here's the thing, you already are a fetish. You are your lover's kink, exist within their circle of desire, starting with gender, and getting more specific from there."

Elliot goes on to say that, "…there's no bad reason to love a person. A person is not less enlightened if they're only attracted to their own gender, or Asian women, or skinny people, or latex, or feet. You can objectify someone without treating them like an object."

I can follow Elliot’s logic and see the truth in it. I will even go as far as to say that I agree with him; I do not mind being the object of desire of my fiancé. In fact, I love that I am and I would be worried if I weren’t. Of course, I know that he also desires me for many other reasons, not just the physical. I cannot say that all women would feel the same way. Some Asian/Chinese women may also not mind being fetishized (not those who earn a living from it) in the same way that some women do not mind being objectified. And this brings me back to my original question: Do you think there’s a thin line between having an Asian fetish and having a sincere appreciation of Asian/Chinese women?

I would also like to follow up with another question: is there such a thing as an “acceptable” kind or level of Asian/Chinese fetishism?

Of course, I and the rest of the women here would like to hear honest answers from men who only have honest intentions and a genuine appreciation of not only Asian/Chinese women, but Asian/Chinese culture as well. The Chinese women here, in particular, may find it very helpful to know how they can protect themselves against the creepers and, at the same time, not miss out on the chances to meet decent men.

It would also be great if one or a few of the male bloggers here would give their take on the subject of Asian fetishism on their blogs.

Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
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#2013-06-04 01:15:13 by InternationalBen @InternationalBen

The very concept of an Asian fetish is offensive to both parties involved. Attempting to define the concept in her submission, the author completely fails and ends up conceding that any physical attraction is, in a sense, a fetishization. "Asian fetish" seems to be little more than a slur used by insecure, over-sized and hyper-competitive Western women who have noticed that many men in their countries prefer small-boned, feminine, and dignified women over their boisterous selves. To allow their jealousy to undermine your opinion of a man who is genuinely attracted to you is simply silly.

As regards the easy availability of sex for pay in Southeast Asia, that is a tragic result of globalization. Similar markets for flesh exist in Brazil, in Colombia, and in other countries in which leaders have sold their nations' wealth for pennies. The fact that so many meat-markets are concentrated in Asia is a result of the overwhelming economic strength of US soldiers formerly stationed in the Philippines, in Thailand, in Vietnam, and in South Korea -- NOT because white civilians from around the world are perverts for Asian girls. First came the perversion and undermining of local community structures and morality through GI money, and only second came the sex tourists.

#2013-06-04 10:39:58 by anonymous6425 @anonymous6425

@Achelle: what you wrote about "sexual tourism" that it is a "very serious socioeconomic problem"...I could not agree more. That is really hitting the nail on the head! But back to the main point of discussion...

I would like to address your question about men with an Asian fetish. My answer may surprise you. Let us take, for example, the men on CLM. I believe the majority of the men on here are NOT guys with Asian fetishes. Are there plenty of creepy guys on CLM anyways? Yes, absolutely! I think there are a ton of creepy, old, bald, fat and disgusting men on here wanting to have their very own asian bride. (I am old, bald, and fat by the way, so no guy should take offense to my comments.)

So what are these guys searching for? I believe most of the men on CLM are here trying to find a woman who fits a certain mold. They are not here looking for some physical trait or attribute an asian woman possesses, like dark hair or milky skin. They are after the inner person who has to be: a) kind, b) faithful, c) willing to work with their husband (as opposed to against him), d) meek in the sense that fights are minimal...

I could go on and on, but the point is the men are looking for someone who is opposite of the modern western woman. I don't have to explain the materialistic nature of western women, we all know about that already. The men are essentially looking for a NICE girl. That is the true fetish. We want someone to be nice to us and treat us like worthy human beings. You can't find nice women in the west, you just can't. All the nice ones are taken already.

So there you have it Achelle. Western men want eastern women because the remaining good women are clustered in the asian territories. I think the roots of this phenomenon can be found in the fact that the east was closed off from the west for so long and was not exposed to materialism and the mass consumer mentality until rather recently...relatively recently on the historic timescale...I realize China has since surpassed all other countries combined in prada bag sales...

In summary, I think the fetish here is more about the female asian demeanor. We perceive asian women as nice. I guess I have a fetish for nice women too!

#2013-06-04 14:03:44 by anonymous6427 @anonymous6427

Hi Achelle
Your blog "a question for Chinese women" has not had a response so far.
Not surprising because it is a difficult question and requires a good understanding of the English language.
However this blog should have had some responses from foreign men by now.
Maybe the opening question should have been -
"Do you think there is a thin line between having an Asian fetish and only dating Asian/Chinese women." If that was the question my answer would be yes. If you want to know a man you must know his history. You must know how he relates to the women of his culture and in particular how he relates to women of his family, friends and past relationships. Beware of any man that continually puts down western women and only praises Asian/Chinese women.

#2013-06-04 16:57:57 by aussieghump @aussieghump

To my mind, most of the ´Asian fetish´ idea has perpetuated through the pornography industry that is looking for a ´marketable difference´ between it´s pretty common products. Look at them...Asian Fetish, Russian fetish, Hispanic exotic, Asian schoolgirl, co-ed, milf/cougar/soccor mum...all manufactured products that have become mainstream fare.

They are genres that have become popularised in social media and ´mainstream media´as being edgy...I remember when I was young that the´mail order bride´was quite a popular saying - as was the 1940´s ´war brides´ in Australia (where I grew up).

I think that you should be careful in labelling things - there will be some ´creepy´people that are looking for the extreme erotica that they see in those videos and that probably have the ´pornographic fetish´... but I think you can probably pick their intentions fairly easily.

The rest of are under no such illusions.

#2013-06-04 17:46:54 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

I think the whole concept of "an Asian Fetish" is a strange concoction of jealous minds (or perhaps pornographic minds if AussieGhump is right. To say that I have an Asian fetish because (or if) I am attracted to women from Asia obviously demands that if I am attracted to White women I have a Caucasian fetish, and if I am attracted to Black women I have an Afro fetish, etc. It has no real meaning. I am attracted to Chinese women, so I must have a Chinese fetish. But wait, I'm especially attracted to my wife; therefore I must have a fetish for wives. The whole idea reduces to an absurdity.

@InternationalBen - perhaps you're correct about the history that ultimately led to sex tourism in Asia, but that was then and this is now. The sad truth is that sex tourism runs rampant in many Asian countries and is destroying a lot of lives. Behind every mass murderer are historic reasons for how he came to be a mass murderer, but that hardly means we should ignore him today and just let him carry on killing.

@anonymous6425 - while I agree basically with everything you say in your comment, I think all of us who are old, bald and fat on CLM have a right to take offense to being labelled "creepy" and "disgusting". Just saying...

@anonymous6427 - that is amazing, that you should mention Achelle not getting a comment on her "A Question for Chinese Women" blog, because I accidentally published it out of order last night, and cancelled it about 5 minutes later when I realized the error of my ways. Basically there was no chance for anyone who didn't open it in that 5 minute period to read it and/or comment on it. It will be published now for real so maybe it will get some comments after all.

#2013-06-05 10:01:49 by Tyler72 @Tyler72

Lol, i have a big old fetish for nice girls who care about their looks and weight/fitness level, act feminine even if still demanding equalityand arent so spoiled and jaded and apreciate it when I do something nice for them instead of just expecting at their right for being born with girl parts.

Lol, it so happens that I do LOVE dark hair and darker skin (than mine) so p,ease ladies, step away from the skin whitening creme...

I also have had a thing, all my life,mfor foreign girls. The first one was a little Dutch girl who was my protector/girl friend when we movd to the Netherlands from the USA when I was only 2... LOL, according to my parents she took me right under her wing and put the smack down on any other little kids who teased me because i couldnt speak Dutch yet. She actually taught me most of my Dutch that I would eventually learn.. And she left me with a life long fascination with women from other countries and cultures. I love being with a woman who can teach me things. Maybe its a foreign chick fetish... But it sure as hell isnt a lack of respect or some negative form of objectification.

With that background i started going to Chima often for work and was amazed at how many of the women who I thought were really beautiful acted like theyndidnt know they were, LOL, you western guys know what I mean. Of course i like girls who my chinese friends might say look "like a peasant" w their dark skins and more pronounced epicanthic fold to the eye.

The more time I spent in China, the less interested I was when back home n ANY American women, not even ABC girls... Now Iv dated a few Chinese women and the experience has completely and forever ruined me for American women, LOL.. M divorce from a NY Italian women also probably planted seeds of that.. Add to that all the work Ive put nto learning to speak Mandarin and how much I enjoy being able to speak it with my significant other.. LOL.. Anywhere outside of China it will be like we have a secret code!!

So is that a fetish? I only date Chinese women now..

.. I have met a couple of "creepers" though who when they hear that I spend a lot of time in Asia fr work want to ask all kinds of questions and I love telling China stories.. I have some REALLY good ones., but they quickly steer it to all about Chinese women, stereotypes about sex etc.. And even ask very offensive questions about my various girlfriends. Im like dude, youre talking about someone im in a relationship with.. What makes you think its ok to ask me that?

THOSE guys are "fetishists". They are creepy, and lack any respect or empathy for the girls they profess to like. Id be offended to be lumped in with them and when they ask me how to get a Chinese girl, i tell them, first, forget shes Chinese.. And treat her like any other girl you want to ask out... Its usually NOT the answer they are looking for but hey, im not giving up any of my secrets!

#2013-06-05 14:24:30 by Tranquility56 @Tranquility56


Have to say your opinion is concise and comprehensive, and it is very available to remind all Asian/Chinese women that actually western men are the same with Asian/Chinese men. They own the same traits of man no matter it is good or bad. If you find a westren man puts down all western women and only praises Asian/Chinese women, he must have got some dirty trick up his sleeve; It is just like a dirty Chinese man when he wants to seduce a woman he must put down his wife first. So in my opinion and experience, please think of all men are the same no matter who is white, black or yellow. When you date a man no matter who is white, black or yellow, just follow your heart...... If he makes your feel strange and doubtful, even unhappy, give him up ! If he makes you feel trustable and comfortable, even very happy, be with him, no matter who is white, black or yellow!

#2013-06-06 03:31:32 by bmccull @bmccull

@InternationalBen I have to disagree with your premise regarding sex for pay in Asia and other parts of the world. All the countries you mentioned have long histories of a home-grown sex industry. In fact it can be said that it is part of their culture. In Thailand for example, the portion of the industry that caters to farangs (non-Thai) is estimated to be less than 5%. Anyone that has travelled to Chna can see that KTV's and barber shops exist almost solely for domestic consumption. Similar outlets thrive in countries such as the Philippines, Brazil and Colombia; and they all existed before globalization.

#2013-06-07 04:32:02 by TimG @TimG

Does this mean that Chinese girls who are attracted to Western men have a Western Fetish?

#2013-06-08 06:37:34 by Tyler72 @Tyler72

@TimG Yeah Tim, they have a bad baad case of the white fever (not to dis our brethren of color.. Just wait for it.. LOL). Also iindicated by all the skin whiteners they buy!

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