Chinese Women, Asian Women, Online Dating & Things Chinese and Asian
Born in the UK but now living in Australia, Paul Fox has travelled to many places throughout China. He has seen the lighter side, the darker side, both the gentle and the seedy sides. He documents his experiences and is willing to share them with anyone who wants to listen. He is not afraid to say things exactly how he sees them, and is quite happy to "name and shame" when necessary.
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A Handful of Nothin' - Part 2    

By Paul Fox
1329 Views | 9 Comments | 4/26/2016 3:05:38 PM

When I first came to my QLV to take up my job as an English teacher, I was given the task of teaching a subject called 'Civics'. 'What the hell is civics?' I thought, yet dare not speak the words aloud for fear of making myself look 'ignorant' in the eyes of my Chinese boss.

'There you go', he said, as he handed me a 'Canadian Civics' text book, which had obviously been written for native English speakers, 'Use that!'

'Great', I thought to myself, 'not only do I not have a clue what 'civics' is, I have never been to Canada, nor do I know much about it'

The subject of 'civics' is essentially about the relationship between governments and citizens of their country, (society, if you like), and since Canada and Australia are both Constitutional Monarchy's, then I figured I could 'wing it' without too much trouble.

18 months on and I still love teaching it. The proverbial 'playing field' is absolutely huge, and since most of what I teach is in attempt to prepare the students for living and studying in Canada, we can have a lot of fun.

One crucially important area of civics is training these kids to understand that whichever country we are in, we should respect that country's rules, regulations as well as traditions etc.

We hear enough whinging and whining from westerners living in China who constantly complain that things here are 'not the same as back home' - yeah, right dude, accept it and get on with life!

Just because things are not the 'same', doesn't mean they are 'wrong' - just 'different', that's all, but there's one area of civics that I spend a lot of time on.......

In China, 'freedom-of-speech' is not the same as it is in the west, so getting these kids to understand what is 'ok' to say and what isn't 'ok' is very important.

Ask any of my civics students what is the 'magic word' and they will smile and say 'Because'. It is a word that is instilled into their brains from the very beginning and appears as a question in every exam.

In other words, I teach them that it's pretty much 'ok' to speak their mind, offer their opinion etc, as long as they quantify it with a 'because'.......

But there are some things that can never be 'quantified' - Sexism, Racism and many of the other 'ism's' for instance................

Now please don't think I have turned all 'PC' on you, because I would rather poke my eyes out with a ruisty nail, but in China it's still OK to advertise jobs for 'Single women under 25', and 'People from (Africa) need not apply' - so racism, sexism, ageism etc, may not be 'rife'. but they are still there nonetheless.

Where am I going with this? - hang on in there......

If we are all honest with ourselves, each and every one of us is, or has been, 'guilty' of 'stereotyping' to some degree, just in our normal daily lives...

Whether it's a simple 'Beer makes you fat' or 'American food is rubbish' for example, 'stereotyping' is often WRONG on a whole heap of levels; we know it, yet we continue to do it.

Chinese people however, appear to be born with this crazy, inherent, almost phyletic mindset that makes them perhaps the most 'stereotypifying' people I have ever met.(and that in itself is an example of my own 'stereotyping - is 'stereotypifying' a word or did I just invent it? lol)

All foreigners are rich', 'All Korean people are ugly' - you get the picture......

I therefore spend a great deal of time on this subject trying to teach them why it is wrong to 'stereotype' people and why it is right to consider 'fairness' and 'equality' whenever they are tempted to stereotype.

So now that you have all had your little 'civics lesson', watch how I break all my own 'rules' as I go on to potentially 'stereotype' Thai women.

'All Thai women are 'for sale', said my friend who had lived and owned a bar in Phuket for several years, 'Yeah right!' was my sarcastic reply, 'You cannot make such a 'blanket' statement and expect people to believe it'


It was 2009 and my second trip to Thailand. I knew my bar-owner friend through a mutual acquaintance and we had become quite 'pally' during my first trip there the year before.

We were taking a leisurely walk through the streets of Phuket when my friend just randomly stopped a couple of Thai girls. 'I want to take you home', my friend said, 'How much?'

As quick-as-a-flash one girl asked 'Long time or short time?', followed by 'Me or both of us?'

Feeling somewhat dumbfounded, the intrigue took hold and I waited with bated breath for her reply.

'Both of you, short time', he said

'1000 baht'

'Too expensive',

There were no other 'negotiations' and we all just carried on walking in our opposite directions.

'Fluke!', I said, 'Just a lucky fluke!'

My mate smiled and just said 'Really?'.

I lost count how many times he repeated this little 'exercise' as we walked throught the streets of Phuket, but well over a dozen, and each time was pretty much the same. Not ONCE was he rebuked.

OK, so this was Phuket. A tourist town abundant with 'foreigners' for much of the year so would my friend have had the same 'result' in a small countryside village?

I can't answer that.

My new colleague has spent the last 7 years teaching in Thailand. He was in the north, but the stories he has told me are certainly enough to convince me that women up there are exactly the same as they are down in Phuket

Thailand is well-known for 'sex'. 'Blow-job bars' can be found in many cities. You can pretend to be Bill Clinton while a pretty Thai lady does a wonderful impression of Monica Lewinsky whilst you sip your ice cold beer.

Thai ladies don't often have the same 'opportunities' to make a good, honest living for themselves as many of their Asian counterparts in countries such as China, Japan, Singapore etc, but the one 'product' they DO have, (that is easily 'sold'), is right there just a few inches below their belly.

With lack of other 'opportunities' to make money, I guess it's hardly surprising that a pretty girl feels the need to make the most of any 'opportunity' that befalls her, and no amount of deprecation is going to make one iota of difference.

'Sex', per se, is part of everyday life in Thailand, yet in China, the complete opposite prevails.

Last week a friend of mine, who teaches in another establishment, was taken aside by his boss for a 'quiet word'.

Someone had made a complaint because during a lesson on the Englsh words we use to describe a 'friend', when he got to the word 'Platonic', he used the phrase 'A friend of the opposite sex'. He was told to remove the word 'sex' from his powerpoint presentation and replace it with the word 'gender'.

He remained totally impenitent (as he should under those circumstances), but needless to say that he had no choice but to comply with the wishes of his boss or face further 'admonishment' the next time he delivered that lesson.

Openly talking about 'sex' in any way, shape or form is totally 'taboo' in China, even in what is to NES, (native Engllish speakers), an obviously totally innocent context.

I have been to Thailand many, many times now, and after spending a lot of time with my bar-owner friend, I know how the 'ladies' work.

For instance, a Thai lady may have several 'boyfriends'. They are good at hiding them from each other because they usually get each 'boyfriend' to buy them a new mobile phone so they can communicate with each other when he has gone back to his country.

When he goes back to Thailand to visit her, lo and behold ....when she shows him her phone, he can only see their conversation - because all the other phones are hidden away in a drawer somewhere.

Thai women are also extremely good at extrapolating cash, cars, jewelry and even houses from their seemingly rich (or stupid) 'boyfriends' - all this in return for a bit of 'pussy' - so my colleague takes great delight in telling people that Thai ladies have 'magic vaginas' because from them come cars, jewelry, cash, and a whole host of other 'goodies'.

During our lunch, my friend began trying to talk to this Chinese lady as if she were a Thai - such was his complacency. My 'job' was to help him communicate with her so I often found myself frustratingly asking her completely different questions to the ones my colleague was asking - to save her any embarrassment. Fortunately I was able to get away with it by telling him I was 'thinking of how best to translate it', thus essentially 'buying' myself some time.

I told him to change the subject on more than one occasion until eventually, he did.

But not for long. After we finished lunch and all went to our respective homes, my colleague began to send her messages on his phone. Using the 'translate tool', he was able to convey messages that she could understand.

A couple of days later he was in our office 'complaining' that she wasn't replying to his messages, and hadn't been doing so for a while.

'What did I do wrong?' he asked me

'Do you want the straight answer to that, or shall I go round the 'houses'?'', I said with a certain degree of sarcasm

'Of course', he smirked. 'Just tell me straight-up'

Ok, let me say this slowly and clearly,......This............... ain't................ Thailand, ............buddy..................'

Copyright owned jointly by Author and CyberCupid Co., Ltd. Breach of copyright will be prosecuted.
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#2016-04-26 15:05:05 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

This is a great blog Paul, and a damned long one, which makes me narrow my comments down to the primary focus of the blog.

I would suggest that your friend's remark that "All Thai women are for sale." is a gross overstatement of the case. Even the example where he chose two women to accost on the street is highly questionable. If you are walking down a street in Bangkok that is lined with bars, chances are that the women hanging out there will be involved in the sex trade. But if you're waking down the street in a residential area of almost all Thai cities, including Bangkok, odds are strong that most of the women you encounter are not now and never have been for sale.

I did a quick Google search and came up with this list of the 10 countries with the highest rates of female prostitution. It was carried in several sites, but I copied it from According to this list Chinese prostitutes outnumber Thais on a per capita basis.

10. Thailand (45 sex workers per 10,000 people)

Here’s the surprise- prostitution is actually illegal in Thailand! However in practice, it is tolerated and partly regulated.

9. Germany (49 per 10,000)

Organised prostitution here dates back as far as 1200’s AD. Unlike other European Union countries, it is wide spread, organised, and legal here in Germany.

8. Malaysia (52 per 10,000)

Malaysia has been put by the U.S on the blacklist of countries with the worst cases of human trafficking and human rights abuse, including child prostitution.

7. Brazil (53 per 10,000)

Here’s a paradox: The act of prostitution itself (exchanging sex for money) is legal here, however it is illegal to run a brothel or to employ prostitutes in any other way.

6. China (60 per 10,000)

It is estimated that prostitution contributes to as much as 5% to the country’s annual GDP despite it being illegal.

5. Nigeria (63 per 10,000)

The latest trend in the country: sex tourism market for divorced older western women. And in Lagos, patrons normally buy ‘quickie’ without a bench, mattress or any form of luxury, but only by standing.

4. Philippines (85 per 10,000)

Prostitutes in the country wear “bargirl” ID tags in noticeable places, and are supposed to be regularly tested for STDs.

3. Peru (102 per 10,000)

If they are over 18 years old and register themselves with municipal authorities plus carry a health certificate, women are legally cleared for prostitution.

2. South Korea (110 per 10,000)

It looks like Korea’s economy and music aren’t the only things on the rise. Despite the law’s successes in red-light zones, the country’s sex trade continues to flourish underground.

1. Venezuela (119 per 10,000)

Poor economic conditions are the cause here, but then again only 20% of the sex workers here were actually born in the country.

To be honest I am not sure I'd argue with the list that hard. Prostitution is hidden in China, but that doesn't make it hard to find. I've seen plenty of "Hooker Streets" in large Chinese cities, and both the bars and the KTV's are absolutely loaded with prostitutes. Until a recent cleanup, the city of Dongguan was visibly as thick with prostitutes as any place in Thailand that I have ever seen. And in China there are endless numbers of Massage Parlors, and they are almost all thick with hookers.

Even if you disagree with the order of the countries on this list, it is really apparent that the actual number of women percentage wise that are hookers in any country is probably less than 1 in a hundred. Personally I think your Buddy owes Thai women a sincere apology. Don't you?

#2016-04-26 18:29:21 by paulfox1 @paulfox1


'You said 'Personally I think your Buddy owes Thai women a sincere apology. Don't you? '

This is why my blog was so long-winded - the answer is 'maybe'. After all, I did tell him that he couldn't make such a 'blanket statement' and hope to get away with it'

Statistics and demographics can be dressed up to demonstrate just about anything

OK, so a relative few out of every 10,000 women are hookers - OK, so let's say I accept that.

Now let's remove all those in hospital, in prison, over the age of 50, under the age of 18, ugly, etc etc etc
What you are left with are relatively attractive women who guys want to sleep with.

So if we use 'relatively attractive' (or above) women, (not necessarily prostitutes per se) between the ages of say 20 and 40 and put 10,000 of them in a room, how many of them would be PREPARED to sell their 'oojimiflipflops'?

I bet it's a lot more than between 45 and 119

So in short, the women that my friend was approaching were in the 'relatively attractive (or above) category' and he had a 100% 'hit-rate'

He probably needs to apologise to the ugly ones over 50 and in hospital etc etc

#2016-04-27 08:28:31 by Barry1 @Barry1


"We hear enough whinging and whining from westerners living in China who constantly complain that things here are 'not the same as back home' - yeah, right dude, accept it and get on with life! Just because things are not the 'same', doesn't mean they are 'wrong' - just 'different'"

Basically you're correct, Paul. If foreigners don't or can't accept conditions in China, then they are best to vote with their feet and leave.

I've learnt this lesson so no longer whinge and whine too much about things. I tend now to just get on with life. Know the things you can change, know the things you can't - then move forward.

But some things are indeed wrong in China. They're different, of course, but no thinking person could say that they couldn't be improved.

For example, I was out walking two days ago and came across a small gathering crowd on a bridge footpath. I pushed my way through it and stumbled across a severed lower leg and foot of a person lying on the ground in front of me. A fisherman had dragged it up from the water.

I was there before any police and a man was caterwauling into his phone, obviously calling the authorities. As he did this,I snapped a couple of photos of the foot, but later deleted these. Too macabre and grisly.

I was told later this lower leg and foot belonged to a lady who'd been murdered and cut up. Apparently this is how some criminals here dispose of their victims.

I shared some WeChat photos of the scene to my associates. If anyone wants to become a WeChat friend and become partof my network, just contact me through this website. I'm often broadcasting photos of my life here through the WeChat service.

In any case, come to China, my friends. You can see everything here. Beautiful scenery, gorgeous gals, nice food - and severed body parts lying on the footpath.(puke)(puke)

#2016-04-27 11:01:28 by paulfox1 @paulfox1


I was unable to access, but I was surprised to see that the Netherlands was not on the list.
Everyone knows that Amsterdam is the prostitution capital of Europe and has over 30,000 prostitutes amongst a total population of around 800,000. If we say that 50% of the population are men, then 30,000 hookers in a population of 400,000 makes it a pretty high ratio.

You seem to have understood the primary focus of my blog to be that of the subject of prostitution. This was not intended at all. I used prostitution to highlight what appears to be generally accepted in society and what isn't.

'Western women are so open', is a phrase we commonly hear from Chinese women. Does the phrase 'western women' extend to such places as Thailand and the Philippines for example?

Perhaps it's not that these women are so 'open', maybe it's more to do with the fact that Chinese women are not ?

Again, there are exceptions to every 'rule' but the primary focus of this blog was two-fold -

1) To highlight the fact that there are huge differences between Thailand and China when it comes to openly talking about sex

2) We must respect differences between cultures and act accordingly.

I really don't want this blog 'hijacked' and turned into a debate about hookers and whether or not prostitution is 'OK'.

#2016-04-27 11:13:46 by sharonshi @sharonshi

Your Chinese girlfriend would probably say HELLO to your Thai buddy if you introduce they meet and say GOODBYE and walk away in five minutes once she felt prejudice of the Stereotype.

#2016-04-27 15:49:11 by paulfox1 @paulfox1


What Chinese girlfriend Sharon?
And my colleague is western, not Thai

I think you may have misunderstood a little ?:S

#2016-04-27 16:57:08 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

@paulfox1 - I was pretty much responding to a statement you cited in the blog that "All Thai women are for sale". You said it (quoting your friend I acknowledge), not me, so I am not sure how I can be hijacking your blog by responding to it.

Frankly I did not get the impression at any point that the blog was about the difference in Thailand and China about "openly talking about sex". Perhaps mistakenly, it seemed to me to be about which women were more open to having sex, and specifically having sex for money.

But not to derogate from the blog. It's a good blog on a good point (well, actually on several points).

But there is so much that needs to be considered in any of these discussions, such as:

1. Your friend is pretty much clearly a womanizer, and having spent a long time in Thailand taking advantage of every opportunity to ply his favorite hobby, he no doubt could spot an easy girl a mile away, and therefore he could easily accost only the easy ones and ignore the ones that would have spit in his face, thereby maintaining his 100% hitting streak.

Why do I say he's a womanizer? Because it honestly is not possible for any man to say, without remorse and without a second thought, that "All Thai women are for sale." unless he has spent all his time in Thailand taking advantage of the women who were easy prey. Thailand, like all countries, is largely normal families who don't hang out in bars, don't sell themselves for sex, don't get sucked into being treated by pigs like your friend as if they have no value, no honor, no dignity, and just go about their daily lives without ever encountering a Western man.

Your buddy spends 100% of his time with cheap Thai women, so he thinks he can generalize that all Thai women are cheap. But the only real generalization he can make is that he is cheap.

2. Prostitution is an amazing trade, and one of the things about it is that it is extremely migratory. I am getting to Amsterdam, so bear with me please.

In Canada, which hasn't yet completely legalized prostitution, but has always generally tolerated it so long as it remained unobtrusive and out of the public eye The prostitutes who were managed by Madams, who took good care of them, set them up in good apartments and kept them off the streets, and who protected them from assholes, usually thrived and made a lot of cash, and usually saved it up and retired to a business or a marriage with a lot of capital to carry them through. The street girls didn't fare so well and generally in my experience as a lawyer, Canadian police were not out to persecute the prostitutes themselves, but were much more focussed on bringing down the male pimps who had enslaved them.

But one thing all the hookers had in common was that they never came from the cities they plied their trade in. The hookers in Vancouver were inevitably from Toronto, Montreal, Calgary or even frequently from the USA or from a farm near Bumfuck, Saskatchewan.

If you hang out in Wang Chai, Hong Kong, much, and spend time in the bars at all, you'll encounter a ton of prostitutes. I spent some time going back and forth between Guinea, Africa - Paris - Shenzhen try to coordinate some business, and in the process on one flight back to Hong Kong from Paris I sat next to a stunning Colombian girl who was en route to her third tour of duty as a hooker in Wang Chai. She was married, had a daughter, and a happy family in Columbia, but she paid for their happiness by servicing men on the other side of the world in Hong Kong. She made more money on one throw in Hong Kong than she could have made on 20 throws in Columbia.

I became friends with this woman and hung out with her off an done for a few months, since I was living in Shenzhen and was single at the time. What I soon noticed in Wang Chai is that 90% of the prostitutes were not from Hong Kong. There were probably more Colombians than Hong Kongese, and certainly more Filipinas, Thais and mainland Chinese than Hong Kongese.

My long winded point is that I would bet you $1,000 USD that of the 30,000 prostitutes in Amsterdam, fewer than 3,000 are women who are from Amsterdam. I would bet a lot that there are more Russian hookers in Amsterdam than there are Amsterdamians.

But getting to your point about Thai people, not just the women, being more ready to openly talk about sex, I would not disagree at all. I think that is very true. Chinese generally are just coming out of a cultural shell, that other Asian countries were forced out of generations ago. Thailand, for example, was historically as much influenced by Indian culture as by Chinese, and Indian culture was far more openly sexual than China.

Then came the French who influenced Vietnamese especially, but much of neighbouring SE Asia as well who no doubt encouraged Thailand to open up sexually and offer up her favours (yes @Barry1, now I am referring to another country as a female). And then Thailand was lucky enough to host the rabidly sexually desperate American military for a couple of decades during the Vietnam War era. I am guessing that kind of brought them out of their shell even further.

I'll stop here, as I am now probably really hijacking your blog just through sheer, endless blather. I apologize if that's the case.

@sharonshi - you've added a new photo, and it's a winner. I always liked your primary photo a lot, but this one is damned nice too. Your last comment is well said, and frankly I think most Thai women would walk away as well. Just as in China, the women you meet who are constantly hanging out in the bars would not walk away. But the vast majority of women, who never step foot inside a bar, and who meet men through their family, or their job or school, or through other more innocent social situations, be they Chinese or Thai, would walk away from Paul's buddy in a heartbeat.

#2016-04-27 17:49:45 by paulfox1 @paulfox1


I didn't want to infer that YOU were hijacking, just that Jims blog got hijacked by you and I having a silly quarrel, so I didn't want to see a repeat of that.

You make some fair points. I remember Dongguan well; I spent a lot of time there since most of my business was in GZ and SZ, so DG was a convenient stopover. All the girls there were from all over China and some were actually honest enough to tell me that they only wanted to earn as much money as possible, in the shortest possible time before going back to their hometown

I must confess to becoming a little confused regarding my 'friend' -

My blog spoke of 2 people -

1) Aussie friend who owns a bar in Phuket - he was the one asking the girls 'How Much?'
2) The second guy is a colleage. He is a Canuck who worked for nearly a decade in Thailand and was quick to confirm what my 'bar friend' had said.

Both those aside, I must try to re-iterate that whilst I neither condemn nor condone prostitutes, they do serve a purpose, and one could argue that if their availability prevents just one rape (of an innocent woman) then their place is justified in society.

However, the main point of the blog was supposed to be the fact that sex per se is much more 'open' (as a subject) than it is in China - as my colleague discovered

#2016-04-29 15:31:35 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot

Paul, I don't think I'd argue with you that sex is more open in Thailand as a topic of discussion than in China. I haven't spent enough time with Thai families to be sure one way or the other, but sex is definitely not a topic discussed much by Chinese in the older generations, say 40 year olds and up. At least it isn't discussed by them in normal social situations.

I owned a bar in Shenzhen and I can tell you that sex was discussed constantly by everyone in the bar for the most part, and we didn't run hookers in our bar like almost all bars in China did at that time.

Until about 10 years ago I would say I was part of the bar world, I frequented bars (not dance clubs, but lounges, pubs and taverns) most of my life until I packed it in roughly 10 years ago. And the sad reality is that the bar crowd has no idea what the rest of society is like. Both the men and the women are far more likely to be constantly on about sex, drugs and rock-n-roll, because during our social hours, which are many and long, our inhibitions are non-existent due to the consumption of alcohol. And when you live in that atmosphere you tend to think everyone is like that.

It is no different in the bar world in China. But in normal Chinese society talk about sex is definitely no going on much. My guess is that Thailand is more open than China, as you suggest.

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