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Panda, a common typing and binding worker in State Grid for 21 years. Own a bachelor degree of Chinese Language and Literature, and a certificate of teaching Chinese. She is pursuing a Master of Chinese Classical Literature in HuBei University, and studying the novels of Ming & Qing dynasties.
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我是破落户 I Am A Poluohu (Basket Case? Impoverished Family? Lumpen Woman? Imperfect Family?)    

By Panda
16393 Views | 71 Comments | 11/20/2013 3:56:09 PM

"you are too ugly, do not accord with my claim to the wife."

Four years ago, my parents backed wuhan from zhuhai, living in my home, ran dad's book reprint. There were two old friends visited my parents a day, they are university teachers, all older than me. After they left, my father sighed, "alas, they are all imperfect family." Their family all have no master. I realized that I am also an imperfect family woman. Dad's words are very precise as a writer.



In order to write this article, I specially refer to THE CHINESE-ENGLISH DICTIONARY edited by Wu Guanghua. p1252 破落[po4 luo4] decline (in wealth and position); fall into reduced circumstances; be reduced to poverty <>~户 impoverished family; a family that has gone down in the world.



Divorce always is not a good thing. Psychology text book says, divorce blow to people psychological is next only to the death of relatives. And I got divorced, am I a lumpen woman?



Unlike most of the "passive" divorce woman, I am "active" divorce. I put forward divorce when my son was 3 months, got divorce sentence on my 26. The situation in my previous post: "About Chinese Man". Critics said that I am impatient to my husband. Yes, when his female colleagues as lobbied me that I should be patient to a man, slowly teach him to reform him becoming a good husband. I weighed my options, the circle of my life determined that I couldn't find a better man than him, but I was only 25 years old, I didn't want to invest huge sunk costs on him. My female colleagues were more secular than his female colleagues, they malice ground said: "you don't love him, why give birth for him?" Most of the women's thinking is: I only love him very much to have children for him. May be I read too many love stories when I was a girl, already formed a kind of mindset: it is very hard to find the man who loves, deep-rooted love exist only in those novels and films. I was pregnant on 24 years old, very sick in the first three months, feeling he was a boy, after settle down, to savor the little quickened, my God, I love him over my life." My child is 100% my child, female have children is for yourself, not for man!" It had been proven that escape from him, I quickly adapted, because I was young.  Alas, became an imperfect family woman so early! Without the daredevils to die, how can we have a 50% divorce rate?



The kid is so cute, our whole family all love him. Such long ancient poems, although didn't understand the meaning, but he can recite every word, excellent childish voice are still in my ear.



Lumpen life for so many years, no man dates me around. Let's face it, "you don't have such a man in life circle, it prove you don't deserve such a man!" The most important thing for woman is to learn to "accept". No man looking for you, you can do something else. Unable to bear loneliness, you won't get the rewards of life. Just for the sake of the residual heat of hot water bag in winter, sooner or later it will be cool to drain your temperature. Why not out of bed, braved the cold to re-pour boiling water into the hot water bag! When you feel tired as hell, because you are going uphill, would be better if you think so?



With the internet dating site coming, it's really not bad, greatly expanded the scope of picking a mate. Here I see a lot of women's post said: "my personality is more suitable for a western man..." What distinguish between western men and Chinese men? "I am lively open and bright, suitable for a western man." Is lively and cheerful personality not suitable for Chinese men? In fact, so large the population of China, there is so fierce competition marriage market, maybe westerners deserved to try. Having interesting post said: "we are not his tour guide, we have our mission. We are not professional translator, some scenic spots and historical origin vocabulary, it is difficult to express clearly for us......" Isn’t it to teach sell fake? The industrial and commercial bureau will come to you. What you deep desire is necessarily at this stage don't deserve you. Even you know your ordinary, how can you expect the other party don't know? Most people choose the way that must be the most flat straight road, you now seek ease and comfort to go downhill, when you get much older, you will climb uphill to the dead, or you can't get the same height with others, that is a stable, grow old together marriage.



Each of us should learn to accept the fact that we're not unique in the world, we are all alternative, we are not so important as imagination, not the things we're looking forward to will certainly come. So what if you want to get, is trying to get this qualification, rather than doing nothing, wait for windfalls. If not born more than 7 points beauty, you need to try your best to get what you want. Grow not beautiful, to become beautiful; can't speak, just try and practice; the weight is too high, lose weight...These are all we need to work hard to achieve. Don't take love as a fig leaf to cover up your fear of learning facts.



When I played with the "sick” guy I mentioned in my last blog, the aunt of teahouse asked me: "is he your boyfriend?" I answered: "no." She probably saw I wear glasses, so asked again: "are you a translator?" I look back on, although I am no professional as a real translator, but incredibly roughly speaking in English about Kunqu opera, told about the "Peony Pavilion", the author Tang Xianzu went to theater every night for his "Peony Pavilion", In the last evening after hearing "Peony Pavilion", unexpectedly accidentally stepped empty, fell into the river and drowned. When we walked in street, a couple of young lovers in frond of us, the girl said to the boy: "call me gu nai nai!" He had been chanting "gu nai nai", felt odd, didn't know what that means. For a while we went into a cafe, I had just practiced my English, told him our great writer Lu Xun, he wrote a novel " The True Story of Ah Q", Ah Q is a poor farmer, he always be bullied, but he has a "spiritual victory method", when he was beaten by others, he said "son beat dad", to achieve spiritual victory by being elders. So the girl asked the boy called her "gu nai nai (grandaunt)", is to act his elder to take advantage of the boy.



We have many chances to take a group photo, I don't want to do that, not because feel grow not beautiful, mainly concerns was suspected of "alongside the foreigner". I have been a "basket case" in China, then add a "alongside the foreigner" hat, is it necessary? People's eye can make a person, unless the person is a born superman who can be able to stop the earthly fireworks.



When the "sick" man said to me "bullshit", I immediately found out the only picture he shot for me in the mobile phone album, got the subtext: "you are too ugly, do not accord with my claim to the wife." He thought it was right for you to do so, if you prefer to be with him that you can only accept such treatment. Don't complain, be cruel or endure or roll away.



Woman above all for yourself is to be cruel, that will not others’ turn cruel to you. Simple & pure is useless, somebody else want passion but you give him simplicity, isn't it at cross purposes? Even when snow and ice you are 360 degrees roll rotate forward roll 50 times, your English score would not become so good. Even if you roll 360 degrees of rotation in snow and ice, also won't improve your partner value. Want to improve English score, we must put forth effort to memorizing words. Want to improve partner value, ah ah, what kind of woman do men like? You know. Can’t do that, just don't make a scene (sa po撒泼).



I think that I will not make a lot of friends with this article, but I won't make enemies, either.



Appose: This photo behind is in this Chinese New Year, I am in Zhuhai for a walk with dad along the river bank, my dad shot for me. This Spring Festival I have up to 65 kg weight. My son was not good, he ran back to Wuhan alone in big New Year's days. (There is a blog My Son Grows up Early specially tells the story of this matter). Have this kind of view: the so-called “Festival”, is the happy people happier, lonely people more lonely. In the big house of Zhuhai, I was granted the title of householder, but I still feel like "basket case".


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Comments
(Showing 1 to 10 of 71) 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 More...
#2013-11-20 19:10:26 by canadianmike @canadianmike

This was interesting to read. There is a saying that states "A leopard does not change his spots". I'm sure there is a Chinese equivalent saying. In this case, it refers to the fact that people don't change much (if at all). A woman may meet a man and think he is great but he has bad habits or behavior. She makes a mistake in thinking she can change him into a better man. If the man does not want to change, he will not change. Ha, even if he wants to change, he may not be capable of changing. You seem smart to cut your losses early with your husband.
I have found that people are in a hurry to find a partner and will settle for the next thing that walks through the door (or sends a message). When we rush to a conclusion, we cheat ourselves from what we deserve. We also lose track of the people around us that really matter. Who cares what family thinks of us when we can be around them and feel their love? Children don't care about the complexities of life and relationships. They just want a hug, a kiss, and some ice cream now and then.
Good article.

#2013-11-20 19:41:38 by yeranyi @yeranyi

有才有貌,为啥找不到合适的?

是中国男人太挑,还是国外男人太糟?

或是我们没有了激情,过尽千帆皆不是?

或是我们害怕失败,要求太高,幻想太多,现实残酷?


返璞归真到婚姻的初时,需要条条框框的约束条件吗

但无论如何,女人还是希望拥有爱与被爱。。。。。

#2013-11-20 19:58:13 by anonymous8065 @anonymous8065

姐姐:不要灰心啊!我看了你的图片与资料.我觉得你是我们中国典型的女知识分子形象,有板有眼的,在生活中,您一定是个正直善良的知识女性.其实,在我们中国,这些优点,有时候会成为你的负担.你不会溜须拍马,你太正直了,所以你反而不容易爱情事业双丰收.你也可以更改一下你的形象照.穿红色衣服的这张,显得太严肃了,换张轻松些的吧.

#2013-11-20 23:31:40 by Barry1 @Barry1

@panda2009 .

"I think that I will not make a lot of friends with this article, but I won't make enemies, either."

Wow, what a great line this is.

I hope you don't mind if I use it myself sometime in the future, Panda? It covers a lot of what I write also.

Although having said this, I prefer to provoke a reaction my my readers, if possible. Either good or bad.

There were a couple of other points in your article that I enjoyed also. For example,

"it is very hard to find the man who loves - deep-rooted love exists only in those novels and films"

How true this is! I'm still looking for genuine, true love and wonder if I'll ever find it?

Another interesting point you raised was,

"If not born with more than 7 points beauty, you need to try your best to get what you want. Grow not beautiful, to become beautiful; can't speak, just try and practice; if your weight is too high, lose weight...These are all things we need to work hard to achieve."

How true this is. Put another way, we all need to make the most of what we have, unless we're one of the fortunate few that are inherently blessed from birth with good looks, a keen brain or a great body - or preferably, all three of these attributes!

By the way, you said,

"I was granted the title of householder, but I still feel like a "basket case"."

Why do you feel this way, Panda? What demons are you carrying - what crosses are you bearing that weigh you down so heavily - to cause this opinion of yourself?

You're good looking; you're smart; have have a good job; you know two languages; you have a great education; plus you're a proud mother who has successfully reared a fine son.

It seems to me the only thing you're missing is a good, loving husband. But this is why you're here on this website, right? Given all of your good attributes, finding a nice partner shouldn't take too long, I imagine.

My thoughts and hopes for a wonderful future ahead for you are being astrally projected to you, even as I write this. Please let me see you with a grin on your face, okay? I know you have a great smile hidden away there somewhere, Panda. :)



#2013-11-21 01:52:28 by anonymous8069 @anonymous8069

@Panda - So the "sick" guy was not your boyfriend? Did you break up with him? What happened?

#2013-11-21 11:29:48 by summer725 @summer725

做自己,如果一个男人真的就喜欢真的你,才值得爱。

#2013-11-21 13:23:05 by anonymous8076 @anonymous8076

姐姐:这张穿蓝色衣服的,还是严肃了点.我倒是觉得那张戴眼镜的,穿嫩草绿色的还可以.你以前的博客不是说你儿子会照相吗?你要你儿子抽个时间帮你拍几张轻松愉快的,不要那么严肃表情的,轻松点嘛.

#2013-11-21 13:50:06 by panda2009 @panda2009

@yeranyi
我所有的博文只有一篇是写的中国男人,其它一般喜欢探讨的问题是男人和女人,再有一篇是探讨中国人的心灵。看问题我最不爱将民族性扯进去。所以千万不要将中国男人与外国男人做比,我们都生活在地球上,人类的基本情感都是一样的。ANYWAY我遭遇的这个老外比我前夫好多了,他有上进心。我想一定要比的话,这样单个比一下是否合适一点?

#2013-11-21 13:52:18 by panda2009 @panda2009

@anonymous8065
谢谢你的建议,我换了。

#2013-11-21 16:12:59 by Jennifercc42 @Jennifercc42

hi ,有幸看到你的博客,你有远大的卓识和深刻的思想。看来这部分博客和大多数我们女人写其它部分,它是完全不同的感觉。这里真的需要细细的品味,尽管如此我还是不能更好地理解一些,所以通常我只是看,通常不给评论,我知道这是我的问题。今天有兴趣关于博客其中的一段话: Having interesting post said: "we are not his tour guide, we have our mission. We are not professional translator, some scenic spots and historical origin vocabulary, it is difficult to express clearly for us......" Isn’t it to teach sell fake? The industrial and commercial bureau will come to you. What you deep desire is necessarily at this stage don't deserve you. Even you know your ordinary, how can you expect the other party don't know? Most people choose the way that must be the most flat straight road, you now seek ease and comfort to go downhill, when you get much older, you will climb uphill to the dead, or you can't get the same height with others, that is a stable, grow old together marriage.

它是有一个问题?她的话影响了一个大的环境?触犯了什么法律?真的会有什么相关部门会找到她?
也许你言重了,如果你有任何异议,你应该在第一时间写在她的帖子后面,大家来共同探讨和学习。我的感觉,她当时写这个帖子,也许没有想太多,她不是文学人士,她写的东西没有想过要折射什么,或者代表和反映一个什么层面的东西。她也没有想教授人们虚假。文学人士可以大谈特谈随性释然。普通百姓喜欢唠实嗑。什么接近他们,什么来的更实惠,他们就说什么。这是她一贯的风格,也许有人理解有人不理解,生活永远是这样。
无论如何,希望看到你更多的作品,你是一个才女,优雅,知性漂亮!
我相信如果这个人看到你的这段话,她也会注意她自己的言行在以后。希望大家互相学习,只有不吝赐教和虚心学习的人,才能让自己更完善。
应该说这里的博客很有意思,我已经喜欢上这里了,也许有一天我会开博客。
借用@Barry1的一句话:I prefer to provoke a reaction my my readers, if possible. Either good or bad.

哈哈...共勉!和再次祝所有的朋友们好运!

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