I was in a strange, nay weird state on the second trip to China, having worked for a company taken over and being dismembered.  I had sat at a desk on double pay for two months, doing absolutely nothing under strict instructions to do nothing, and then released in October, after guo qing jie, went to China.  I had consulted lawyers, immigration experts self-proclaimed and they had advised me that I would lose my queue place if I married in China - the queue for my fiancee to come to Australia, but it didn't make sense to me, so I went to China planning to proceed nevertheless.

We've all heard the phrase "Words, are swords."

My very first bus-trip in China was the ghastly trip from Ningbo to Huangshan that I mentioned in my previous blog - tedious, boring, exceedingly uncomfortable and otherwise to be forgotten, although Huangshan itself was indeed memorable.  We must have been married by then because no-one objected to us staying together in a twin room!  The marriage, the hospital inspection, the civil ceremony and celebration is another story for another time.

The chronology of those early trips is somewhat confused - more than 20 years have passed by - but I think after the Aussie Melbourne Cup celebration at the embassy next port of call was Ningbo, by overnight ship from Shanghai.  A two-hour bus trip from Shanghai to the port wheezing in clouds of smoke from beneath the no-smoking sign and then overnight in the four berth cabin of an old clunker to Ningbo - memorable.  I'll see if I can find any photos.  Meeting family, then by bus to Huangshan.  Oh! how buses have improved since then, speed and comfort wise!  The 'seats' were reclining wicker beds, you could not sit up at all.  In the misty morning you could choose xifan zha cai mantou or nothing haha (wet rice, pickled turnip bland buns).

Arrival in Shanghai

My bedroom has not changed during the time my partner and I have been together. A queen size bed faces a lifeless double window.  Two wardrobes and a dressing table are on one side of the room. A chest of drawers and a desk are near the window. The other long wall has two large metal filing cabinets and two smaller filing cabinets covered with a top to make it function as a computer desk. A computer sits on top of that. The carpet has long passed its used by date. The walls need repainting and show many cracks. WARNING! I have taken a patent out on this uniquely designed love nest, so don’t try to copy it.

It is getting harder. My second son is returning home for 12 months. I have 3 areas of my house that are floor to ceiling clutter. I now return to the state where I have 2 adult sons living with me. This will be a truly testing time for relationships. It will test my relationship with my beautiful Chinese wife. It will test my relationships with my two sons. It will test the dark corners of my relationship with myself. 

Every time I visit China I am overwhelmed and embarrassed by the generosity of the people towards travellers.  It's not part of our Western culture, at least not part of the Australian culture, but it is a seemingly sacred part of Chinese culture. In 20 years, 8 trips to China, I cannot remember being permitted to foot a restaurant bill, pay for bus tickets, no matter how speedy I am with the wallet, VISA or Weixin qianbao.  There is a conspiracy it seems between the waitresses and Chinese clients to reject laowai payment!

Decluttering is all about love. Great love is all about presence. Being present is a 24 hour a day activity.

Back in September 2018 John published my blog entitled 'Traditional Misery' Now, in February 2019, I am even more at a loss when it comes to understanding so-called 'tradition'.