In the previous entry, I distinguished three initial stages of intercultural understanding: Denial, Defense, and Minimization. All of these stages can be roughly characterized as “ethnocentric” insofar as they assume one culture (usually my own) has the correct stance/attitude on cultural matters. This is a natural enough state for people to exist in and if I had to guess I would say that most of humanity ends up spending their lives in this state—convinced of the rightness and rationality of whatever system of beliefs they happened to have been born into. However, we can only move forward to a level necessary for a healthy cross-cultural dating by abandoning this naïve belief that our culture alone has attained the true way and adopting instead an “ethnorelative” perspective that refuses to pass judgment but instead contents itself with understanding the endless variety of cultural expression.

When I was writing about my ideal match it never occurred to me that anyone would seriously object when I said that she would be both beautiful and sexy.  But then again, I had forgotten what I had learned in speech communication class:  that we interpret all forms of communication, even written communication, through the prism of our beliefs, experiences, emotions, and prejudices.  Thus, the reader will never perceive the message in the same way that it was originally conceived by the writer.  Words such as 'beauty' and 'sexy' are far more open to interpretation than others.

The Honda dealer threw in a carrier basket. That was handy for Noi to transport the vegetables from market to the restaurant. Noi told me she was a good cook and she was right. Her food was delicious and enjoyed by all. The only drawback? It was a long day. She would set off for market about 5.30 every morning then cook the first rice and breakfasts of the day. It would be busy until about ten and slack off for a while. The rest of the day had spurts of activity. One minute, no customers then five or six would show out of nowhere.

"On These Pages Awaits Your Perfect Match".  Those words appeared at the top of every page whenever you use the browse feature on CLM.  I have to admit that the first time I encountered them I was more than just a little skeptical.  I simply dismissed them as little more than advertising copy.  But within perhaps ten to fifteen minutes I found those words rather unexpectedly validated.  My first action upon joining CLM was to perform a search for women between the ages of 21 and 45.  Within the very first page of search results, I found her, the woman who has ever come closest to matching the profile of my ideal match.

Now, one objection that might be raised with respect to the rule with which I ended my previous entry—that one should not say anything negative about China to your Chinese partner—is: Don’t couples need to be truthful with each other? And if the negative statement about China is true, shouldn’t I inform my partner about this fact?

I moved forwards in trust but never in blind faith. I did not have a fortune at my disposal so I had to trust but also be wary at the same time. The serious commitments to the restaurant venture and a new house could not be taken lightly. I was aware of some of the horror stories involved in dating Asian women, and Thai women in particular. I had read the blog articles and the best-selling book on the subject. I hoped and prayed I wasn’t about to sleepwalk into a nightmare. I have a trusting nature. I tend to trust people until I find out otherwise. That’s the way I am. I knew that so why worry about the future?

Yong and I recently returned from a long delayed honeymoon to Greece. The location was her idea. My occupation has fortunately afforded me numerous opportunities to visit the birthplace of Western thought, many of which I have taken advantage of. As a result I have spent by my calculation approximately nine months over the course of my life wandering the islands and mainland, the mountains and seas of that amazing region. Hence, I would have preferred to explore a new part of the globe. But on matters such as where to spend your honeymoon (and on most other matters as well) I have found it best to defer to my Chinese wife.

I felt relaxed from the previous night’s sleep. Good job as still a long drive ahead. Noi seemed to become more excited the closer we got to Songkhla. The weather also improved the closer we were. The previous day’s monsoon rains had abated. Now the only source of irritation was the constant flapping of the tarp covering our belongings in the back of the truck. No matter how many times we tied it afresh or rearranged the tarp, it insisted on making a noise like a machine gun. A small price to pay for keeping our stuff dry. This exercise reinforced my impression of how Asian women got busy in helping out. I don’t know many western women prepared to dirty their hands in tying down a rogue tarp. It seemed to come as second nature to SE Asian women.

            The subject for my second blog entry will be, as the title suggests, the criteria for my ideal match, why I chose them and why Chinese women.  While this will certainly provide the members of CLM with a great deal of insight into myself, I'm not at all certain just how generally applicable those insights will be to the typical American as I have never regarded myself as typical in any respect.  I'm just arrogant enough to believe that this subject will be interesting to at least some of my readers.