I asked one of my close friends: “Why did you divorce after 25 years marriage?” He said: “She is bossy she is too uptight she is too arrogant… But most important she doesn’t like sex. If she just like sex more I will bear the rest.” I looked into his eyes, full of sadness and frustration. I believed every word he said. I understood him and felt bad that it was really the truth.
Sex can make a marriage and break a marriage. How many guys want to marry the woman after a couple of times amazing intimacy? How many couples divorced because one of them cheated?
In China, divorce rate in big cities are rising scary fast. A lot of big cities divorce rate is very close to 40% and it looks like a lot will be over 40% soon. According to the newspaper, statistics released by National Civil Affairs in June 2011 show that in the first quarter of 2011, a total of 465,000 pairs of husband and wife went for a divorce registration, 17.1% increase compare to the same time one year ago. Chinese divorce rate has increased for seven consecutive years. According to the authority’s research and my observation also, the reason of the divorce is affairs. It’s the most popular reason and it’s getting more popular.
Well, if one of them starts to bend the next door neighbor I guess there is no reason for their marriage or relationship to go any further. But of course life is always way more complicated than we expected. Sometimes people change their mind sometimes people just change. One day they are greatly in love and the next day, ops, yelling, screaming, divorcing, money, angry… It all has something to do with sex.
One of my friends preaching me: “sex is great and so much better when you are in love.” I agree. But sex can be just pure physical needs when it’s not emotional. This is not my opinion, it comes from observation of life: one night stand, friends with benefit, a lot of people go to Thailand for…It’s like eating when you are hungry.
When sex becomes more than just physical satisfaction it starts to grow seeds in people’s mind. It brings more than love into their lives. It can make one person commit to the other and also can drive one to kill another.
The one thing that I found the most amazing about sex is: It can make a man and a woman who use to be completely strangers family. How strange is that? Once they decided to just have sex with each other for the rest of their life they become families.
When I saw one woman wrote on her online dating profile that the man she was looking for “must be good at sex” I didn’t point my finger at her. It sounded a bit unfriendly but I think she meant she wanted somebody that must be sex compatible with her. And it’s a very reasonable request.
Dear every love searching birds on CLM, I wish you find the love of your life and have great sex for the rest of your life. How is that for a New Year wish? Haha…
我问我的一个好友：“为什么结婚25年了还是要离婚？”他说：“她太霸道太严肃太清高……但是最重要的是她不喜欢亲热。如果她能多点喜欢亲热的话其他的缺点我都可以忍受。”我看着他的双眼，满是伤心和委屈。我相信他说的每一个字。我理解他也为这真的是事实而遗憾。
性爱可以成就一段婚姻也可以毁掉一个家庭。有多少男人因为跟一个女人过了几个激情奋发的夜晚而想到与她共度余生？有多少夫妇因婚外性爱而劳燕分飞？
在中国，离婚率在大城市是吓人的直线上升。 许多大城市的离婚率已经逼近40%而且看起来很多很快就会超过40%。根据报纸报道，2011年6月公布的全国民政事业统计数据显示，2011一季度，我国共有46.5万对夫妻办理了离婚登记，较去年同期增长17.1%。中国离婚率已连续7年递增。根据权威机构的调查报告和我的观察，大部分的离婚原因是婚外情。这个原因最热门也正变得更热门。
当然，如果一对中的一个开始跟对面的邻居有“来往”那真的没有理由让他们的婚姻或者关系再发展下去。但是现实总是比我们预想的要复杂的多。有时候人们改变了他们的主意，有时候人们干脆完全改变了。今天他们还卿卿我我明天就翻脸不认人：辱骂、争吵、离婚、金钱、仇恨……总是跟性爱有点瓜葛。
我有个朋友教训我：“如果你爱上某人性爱是非常美好和会更加美妙。”我同意。但是在没有感情的情况下性爱可以是纯粹的生理需要。这不是我的观点，这是来自对生活的观察：一夜情、男女暧昧不清，一些人去泰国的目的……就像你饿了就想吃饭一样。
当性爱不仅仅意味着肉体的满足的时候它开始在人们的头脑里生根发芽。它给人们的生活带来的是比爱情更多的东西。它可以让人们海誓山盟个也可以让人们仇恨相对。
我发觉最令我惊讶的一个事实是：性爱可以把一个曾经素未谋面的一个男人和一个女人变成一家人。奇怪吧？当他们相誓终生的时候他们就成了彼此的家人了。
当我看到一个女人在她的网页相亲资料上写着她要找一个“必须善于做爱”的男人时我没有指责她。那样写是有点无礼但是我觉得她想要表达的是她要找一个可以跟她激情相当的人。这当然无可厚议。
亲爱的每一个在苦苦追寻爱情的伊甸园的鸟儿们，我祝你们最终找到人生至爱和祝你和你的至爱余生激情无限。这个做新年的祝福总够了吧？哈哈……
And I would add sexual compatibility for the rest of your life.
And of course let's not forget affection. Holding hands, cuddling, a light kiss, a caress, so many ways to express love and affection.
The word sex covers a lot of territory and doesn't just mean intercourse, although for many it does begin and end there.
Everyone, every man and every woman, has different sexual needs, interests and a different sex drive. For some sexual activity once a month is just great while for others with more energy daily is great. Obviously if you put together someone with a low sex drive with someone with a high sex drive you will have discord.
And if one part of a couple is always horny and the other is never or rarely horny it is bye bye relationships. Unless of course they are happy with that.
Hahaha. One could go on and on.
Good blog Victoria.
I've noticed that Asian women seem to enjoy having sex just because they're having sex with someone that they love it's not a chore, I find this nice and refreshing. There's a great book that came out last year called Spousonomics that deals with this topic the book is written by two women. they talk about realizing that quantity is better than quality ! in my opinion most American men would agree. ( "Spousonomics" by Paula Szuchman and Jenny Anderson. do a search thay have a blog too. . .)
by the way for sex. that's a big issue i'm agree...just many chinese still don't considerated sex as important. Chinese miss sexual education.
Be match with someone is for sure about personality, common interest but also about sex. i've been often disapointed about sex with chinese women. the most are too tight ass women, too closed with too much taboo and not really open as i am.
By the way, in shanghai the rate of divorce is about 50% and lower in small area or countryside (i heard between 30 to 35%).
Sex is as you said a primary need as eating, drinking. it proves if you don't make love during a while you become irritated and frustrated easilly.
However, sex is more than that. it's a way to express yourself, a way to express your love with someone, a way to relax. sexual games between lovers are very fun. Have a good sexual life is very important to be happy and stable in life. Sex is the foundation of couple like the foundation of a house. you can't build the wall and roof before the foundation or everything will fall down so it's exactly the same for a couple!