Happy Jail Time

Here comes Happy Chinese New Year. NOT!! Time fly by fast. Again, it’s the end of the year. I got messages from both of my brothers. They wonder if I’m going home this year. I’m thinking about it. If I go, it’s jail time. If I don’t go, I will feel guilty. Either way, I’m screwed.

Let’s see, if I go, here is what’s going to happen:

First, my mom will push me to clean every comer of her 5 bedroom house as soon as I put my luggage down. I’ll be angry and depressed. I’m always like that when I have to do a massive housework.

My mom will go on and on complaining about how my dad’s gambling problem ruin her life, how sad her life is because my grandparents didn’t send her to school that’s why she doesn’t have the ability to find a decent job and stuck with my dad who is a total loser (To be honest, my dad is a great engineer and he worked very hard to bring home a fair amount of money to support the family. She is just a money hungry manipulating…).

After she done complain about my dad which takes a day or two, then it’s my more serious torturing time:

Mom: So, how is your job?
Me: I changed my job, lower pay but better potential.
Mom: Why would you do that?! Are you stupid? Always take the higher pay job! What potential? You are taking a risk and you are being fooled! Always safer to have more money! Money! Money! Money…

Mom: Are you seeing any one?
Me: I’m not seeing any one special. I want to take my time and find the right guy.
Mom: You are 27! (Or 28, they always add 1 or 2 years to your actual age. I don’t know why, weird counting thing) Soon you will be 30! You will be left out! No man is going to want to marry you! They always go for younger girls! Hurry up...

Me: Silence… (Counting how many more seconds I have to stay and put up with her)
Mom: **’s daughter marries somebody rich and powerful. **’s daughter buy her mother gold ear rings. **’s daughter is making a lot of money…

No matter what I do how hard I tried she will never be happy with me. Anything I tell her it will just come back and bite me in the ass. It’s like a little game. I don’t deserve to be happy just because she enjoys being miserable.

To be honest, I don’t see how miserable her life is. She has a big house, she doesn’t owe anybody money, actually she has a fair amount of saving sitting in the bank and shrinking very fast. She has three smart kids who work very hard for their careers. She has a choice to just sit back and enjoy her life although she still going out working 10hours a day to make a little amount of money. Yeah her husband is a gambler but he never get in debt because of it. He just gambles away what he has. It’s like an expensive habit. So many little town housewives would kill to have her life but she never appreciate it.

My dad will be out gambling and my old brother will have fun hanging out with his friends. My younger brother will get my mother’s precious few seconds of smile and sweet talk. If I go out it will be a sin. “she is only home for a few days the whole year and she rather go out with her friends than stay home and keep her old mother company?!”

See what I’m talking about?

If I don’t go, all my relatives and families will say“She is not coming back for Chinese New Year again?! That girl doesn’t have a heart!”.

I will feel guilty the entire holiday and hesitating if I should call them to say Happy New Year. I know I should but I will be too terrified to pick up the phone.

And this year is worse. I moved to a comfortable apartment but the rent takes up 30% of my salary. If my mom knows how much I pay for my rent she will kill me. She was very unhappy when I moved last time. That’s why this time I kept it as a secret. If she does find out and want to fly to Guangzhou to kill me she will have to find my new place first. So I’m safe. Haha…

And I just joined this company a month ago, I agreed to take lower pay and get a chance to be business partner of the company. I tried to take a part-time job to make more money but working 16 hours a day 7 days a week is not a long term plan. After a month I quit the part-time job. I better be poor and happy than with money but stressed and angry all the time.

I don’t have any money in my pocket to shut up my mom when she attacks me. If she doesn’t get her red envelope with money she will be pissed which is going to happen. Its better I stay 500 miles away from her than right in front of her face when she gets angry. So probably it’s not a good idea for me to go home for CNY.

Guys, some ideas please.

The ever necessary and tortuous "Red Envelope". A tradition that needs to be dropped.

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#2011-12-11 13:01:15 by panda2009

English represent is very easy and smooth. I believe that you will get a ideal job. You go girl.

In fact, I had told my mom, I will not back Zhu Hai on New Year's Day. When she knew that I will also not return Zhu Hai on CNY, she was very upset.

I have to prepare my PMP examination on March, 2011 in Wu Han alone. My son will come to Wu Han after CNY, then go to school.

#2011-12-11 22:22:47 by veryspecial1

It s your life . do what suits you and don t feel guilty about it. , your mum and dad made their choices .Like your blogs by the way

#2011-12-11 23:30:38 by JohnAbbot

The whole red envelope thing is an ongoing cause of stress and intense planning for many Chinese. You often can't visit family members in another city without handing out a red envelope filled with cash for as many as 40 or 50 people. It isn't just the cash outlay itself that is a problem, it's the constant fear of maybe not giving as much as another visiting family member and therefore losing face. My wife doesn't worry about it on her own behalf, but because she's under such intense pressure from her father not to screw up and lose him face.

Frankly, it leads us to a lot of staying home and avoiding family so as to not piss off Dad. The red envelope is clear evidence of how incredibly annoying and stupid a centuries old custom can be!

#2011-12-12 03:28:27 by forever4you

My dearest Victoria,

How wonderful it is to gain insight with each of your postings. If you only could see the mass amount of potential inside of you. You are by far the best thing that could happen to anyone that crosses paths with you.

I admire your honesty, though it may be overwhelming at times, you speak the truth and never hold back exactly how you truly feel inside. This makes you even more attractive to people that see the true qualities in you.

What does your heart and your mind want you to do about your dilemma with your family holiday disasters? What truly makes Victoria happy inside?
Will fighting with family give your soul any peace? Will guilt make you do things that you will soon enough regret? When will you actually begin to live for the only person that will never stop loving you the most, you?

I have lived all of my life, up until a few years ago, kissing everyone's A**, pleasing everyone, doing what everyone else wants me to do, and trying to make everyone around me happy. It only made me live a miserable life.

I started living my own life after my ex-wife and her boyfriend took away my BMW, cost me my job and house and even kidnapped my son. I will never again try to please others, only myself and my son, if I ever find him again.

Although my ex-wife and her “freak show” boyfriend think they destroyed me, they only made me more determined to stand up and fight, regain my life, become stronger and prepare myself for a battle against them that I am certain to win. I learned from my mistakes as well as the torment, ridicule and punishment they threw at me for their enjoyment. They may be able to run all over the USA and hide my child from me, but sooner or later, I will find them, like I always do, and this time, I will win.

Too many people are so caught up with materialistic that they are blind from the big picture of life. Money is nice to have, but it can also ruin you, families and people. If it were not for the selfish corporate greed for power and money and banks that think they own the world, the world would not be in the financial crisis that it faces today.

You should live your own life, do what pleases Victoria, make her happy, and do what she has always wanted to do in life, live your dream for her. Strive for what will make her the most successful woman that you have ever met. She will never stop loving you.

Infinitely Yours,

#2011-12-12 10:36:56 by georgev123

I appreciate Victoria’s frankness and her bold step to express her feelings with us. Also I appreciate those put in their comments to encourage her. I think the people who came forward to pen their thoughts on Victoria’s agony, has left a Great Feeling in my mind that she has found new family members lined up in her support. And Victoria this you can take as a morale booster and fight against all the odds. I am not telling that you should fight your parents all out and achieve your goals. Just ignore that and stand in your feet and build your career no matter who stands against you. Right now your primary goal is to achieve a positive career and I am sure you are brave girl and has all qualities to climb on top and our Best Wishes for the same. I was blessed with a golden spoon when I was born, but my father’s little misjudgment in his life thrown us to poverty and I had to fight 22 years to stand on my feet. Today i captured back what all we lost and gave a decent life to my mother, sister and then my wife and 3 kids. But still they grumble and not satisfied. Hence, who all have lined up in your support (especially forever4you) are in the same boat as we are... But don't look at people around you because no matter if you do 10 good things but still there will be critics surrounding you like barking dogs. Just think that they are barking at your shadow and not at the real person inside you. So move on Victoria and do what is the Best in your life and our Blessings will be with you and 1 day i am keeping my eyes and ears open to hear good news from you that you had settled in a Good way! God Bless U!! Yours' GV

#2011-12-12 11:41:38 by flateacher

Thank you for your words. I smiled, even chuckled as I read. Your dilemma is the same as many young people have here in the US, too. Sometimes it is best to share what time you have with your mother, after all she will not be here forever. Give her some time to complain, then expect her words when you have fun with your friends. As you grow older, you will learn and understand more, much more. It is easy to feel alone and aggravated. But, I say you are definitely not alone. I smile much.

#2011-12-13 01:41:51 by victoriaspirit

Hi guys, thank you for the comments.
I'm still struggling to make the decision whether to go home for CNY or not. I want to see my grandma and my friends. But I'm really frightened to handle my mother. May be I just go home for 3days. It will be an expensive short trip but better than not go and being blamed to be a cold daughter. But what if my mother makes me stay longer? It will be an expensive long pain in the ass trip.
Ahhh....

#2011-12-19 01:21:24 by forever4you

Follow your heart Victoria and do only what makes you happy and what feels right to your first instint. Never do anything that you will regret.
Happy Holidays and try to keep smiling, you are stronger than you know.

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