The gym near my home.
As a mother, I have got many thoughts all the time, sometimes I even can not find words to express. In a friend’s tips, I try to make this title, try to write down some thoughts and share with every one.
A Special Day
Today is a special day for me. Because my son found his first job in a Hong Kong company. When he got to the office this morning, he was asked some questions, “how old are you? Why do you want to work? ….” He tried to answer very confidently. But he didn’t know the man who asked the questions is the boss! hehehe….
This early morning, when I said goodbye to him at the garden gate, some people were surprised to see. They all said, “your son is still too young to work.”
Yes, my son is 13 years old, small and skinny. But when I was only 8 years old, I had to look after my younger sisters, when I was 10 years old, I began to work in the fields with my parents. I carried the heavy rice straw and my eyes were filled with sweats and couldn’t open in the sun. I thank my parents for giving me the chance. It made me exercise my strong spirit and keep strong and healthy body. Before school summer holidays, my son told me about his dreams, one is to get a nice mountain racing bike. I said to him, try your best to make your dreams come true, one by one. I believe you can! He was happy. And he has even asked a WalMart salesperson to keep a bike for him. He said he will make money this summer holidays by himself. Last night, he was excited, he packed up everything he needs, he went to tell his friends, and told the gatekeepers. What a proud boy!
But, Let's see, how many days he can insist.
Thinking .…
In Chinese mothers’ eyes, and in their fathers' eyes, children are always children. Parents always help their children all their lives. Parents have to work hard and pay for their study and medical care. In cities, most boys and girls won’t do any work until they finish their colleges, their parents even help them buy houses, help them pay for their marriage… My parents worked hard for us five sisters and one brother all their lives. When they got serious ill, they still think how to save money for us. I have been thinking how I do will be better for my son’s future….
Divorced Mothers
When I decided to divorce many years ago, most of my friends asked me to give my son to my ex husband. They said it would be easier for me to look for a good man in the future. I refused their “good advice” without hesitation. I do imagine what will happen in my future life. I have seen too many examples in front of me. First, a divorced woman with a young son, how to face the cynical from other people? Second, looking after baby and raising him, how to face the hard work? The most serious challenge is, how to find a man in the world which would love you, cherish you, and would like to accept you and your baby?
I had a workmate in my hometown, Nanning. She divorced in 1993, because her husband was a playboy, she refused her ex husband’s house and money, just for the custody of her son. In 2000, her son was 12 years old. He was naughty, went to net cafe day and night. She often went to the net cafe, knelt down to ask her son to go home. Poor mother. She has been trying to look for a man for life companion,but she never has good luck.
Thinking ….
Divorced mothers live alone and lonely, when their children are young, they look after them. When their children grow up, they still live alone. It seems they live in the hell. I am one of them. Though I think I am a happy woman,I feel lost my ways sometimes. So far I still feel lucky, because I can put my heart into work when I feel lonely，and let heavy work confuse my feelings. Few Chinese men want a divorced woman with a young son, so do most western men. Though some men tried to tell me western men have different thoughts. After all, life is reality. Especially when a man and a woman come from different countries. Which one’s love is strong enough to face the challenge really?
On CLM, there are thousands of good mothers. They long for meeting sincere heart and real care and love. But how many of them are cheated and are suffered humiliation. On some blogs, some one wrote how bad the women in one city in China. Even suggested western men, try to meet several women at the same time, put them in their baskets, just like choosing eggs in the markets. Perhaps, some women want to get more attentions to by putting make up for their pictures, or upload their younger or pretty pictures. Is it really so bad??? Or their big mistakes??? I can say, my pictures on CLM are not too old, and my looking is not so ugly. But few men write me actively. Some one gave me advice, asked me not to show too much background in my pictures, try to change my newest pictures, outstanding how sexy and charming I am…. I smiled.
So I want to say a words to the gentlemen here, if you are a sincere man, when you try to communicate with a lady, please try to understand each other more, try to respect more, then we will have more really happy smile.
Love Our Babies, Cherish Ourselves
When I do massage for my mother, my son always tries to help. He knows grandmother got stroke for looking after us too hard. He often sees his baby pictures, how grandmother looked after him, holding him in her arms and walked around while feeding him rice, how to teach him to write and sing… We all love our babies, give them best care. It is unconditional.
And at the same time, we should cherish ourselves. Love ourselves. Enjoy our life. We can not work too hard to forget our health. We can not see the moon and tear alone. With positive attitude, our life will be full of sunshine.
一位中国母亲的思索
作为一个母亲，我一直有很多很多的想法，甚至，有时找不到言辞来表达。在朋友的提示下，我拟定这个题目，引出我的一些想法与思考，与大家分享。
特别的一天
今天对我来说，很特别。因为，我的儿子找到了他的第一份工作，在一家香港公司。今天早上，当他到办公室时，被问了几个问题，“你多大了？你为什么要这份工作？。。。” 他回答得很自信。他不知道问他的人就是他的老板。呵呵。。。
今天一大早，我在花园门口跟他说再见，一些人看见了很惊讶。他们都说，“你的儿子太小了还不能工作。”
是的，我的儿子长得个子稍小一点，而且精瘦。可是，当我八岁时，我已经帮助我的父母照顾弟弟妹妹，当我10岁时，我已经到田里帮我的父母干农活。当我挑着沉重的稻草时，双眼浸满汗水，在太阳下都睁不开。我感谢父母给予我那段生活，因为它很好地锻炼了我吃苦的精神和强健的体魄。在学校放假前，我的儿子告诉我他的梦想，其中一个就拥有一辆漂亮的山地赛车。我说，尽量自己去努力实现你的梦想，一个一个来。相信你行！他甚至已经让沃尔玛的一个售货员把一辆车留给他，他说他这个暑假能把钱挣到手。昨晚，他好兴奋，收拾了备用品，跑去告诉他的朋友，甚至还给门卫说了。好骄傲的孩子！
但，等着瞧，看他能坚持多少天。
思考 ……
在中国母亲的眼里，在父亲的眼里，孩子就是孩子。父母一辈子都为孩子操劳。父母辛苦劳动供孩子读书看病。在城市里，绝大部分孩子在读书期间不会工作。孩子大学毕业找工作，父母还为孩子买房结婚付钱。…… 我的父母一辈子都在为他们六个孩子操劳，到了病得动不了了，他们还想着如何省钱，为了孩子。我一直在思考，我如何做，才能对我的孩子更好呢？
离婚的妈妈
许多年前，当我决定离婚时，我的朋友都劝我把儿子留给他爸，那样，我可以比较容易找到一个好男人。我毫不犹豫地拒绝她们的建议。我预感到我的生活将会发生什么。因为，我已经看过很多很多的例子在前面。首先，一个女人带着孩子，如何面对别人的冷嘲热讽？还有，照顾着孩子，抚养孩子成人的同时，如何承担起繁重的工作？最严峻的一个挑战是，这个世界上如何找到一个好男人，他会真心喜欢你，珍惜你，并且愿意接受你和你的孩子？
我的一个同事在老家南宁市，1993年离婚，带着儿子。由于愤怒丈夫的花心，为了取得孩子的抚养权，她甚至拒绝丈夫给的房子和赔偿。2000年，儿子12岁，很调皮，经常日夜去网吧，她经常去到网吧跪着求孩子回家。可怜的妈妈！她也一直寻找一位生活伴侣，但是，都没有幸运。
思考 ……
离婚的妈妈，生活孤单且孤独。当孩子幼小，她们全身心的照顾孩子，当孩子长大了，离家了，她们的生活更孤独寂寞，甚至就像活在地狱里。我就是其中的一位。虽然我自认为自己是一个乐观的女人，但是，有时，我也会迷失方向。到今天为止，我还感觉比较幸运，因为，当我感觉孤独寂寞时，我还能投入工作，让工作来迷糊自己的感觉。在中国，很少男人能接受一个离婚带着儿子的女人，绝大部分西方男人也是如此。虽然有些人告诉我，西方男人有不一样的想法和态度。毕竟，生活是现实的。特别对来自不同国家的一个男人和女人，有哪个能拥有强烈的爱足以能真正面对现实的挑战？
在CLM, 有成千上万的好母亲在这里，她们渴望真诚的心和爱，而又有多少人遭受欺骗和屈辱？有博客写着，中国某个城市的女人如何如何的糟糕。甚至，还有建议，西方男人最好同时约见不同的女人，把她们放在你们的篮子里，就像市场里买鸡蛋，任意挑选。也许，有部分女士为了引起更多男人的注意，她们会化妆，有些还引用一些自己年轻漂亮的相片，但是，那是坏事吗？ 那是很大过错吗？坦白地说，我的相片不古老，我也长得不算丑，但是，很少有男人主动给我写信。有人曾经给我建议，把我的相片换下，展示最新的，突出你的性感迷人的形象，而不是背景。我只是微笑。
因此，我想对CLM的先生们说一句，如果你是一位诚挚的人，当你与女士交流，请多一份理解，多一份尊重，那样，我们相互间会多一份开心的微笑。
爱我们的孩子，珍惜我们自己
当我为我的母亲做按摩，我的儿子总是帮忙。他知道外婆中风是因为照顾我们而劳累过度。他经常看到他孩提时的照片，外婆如何抱着他，逛着，给他喂饭，如何教他写字唱歌。我们都给我们的孩子最好的关爱，这是无条件的。
同时，我们也应该珍惜我们自己。爱护我们自己，享受我们的生活。不要因为工作而忽视了健康，不要独自对月落泪。拥有积极的心态，我们的生活将充满阳光。
Your son’s story brings back memories of my early years growing-up in a State of Maryland suburb close to Washington, D.C. I was an only child from a middle class family. I did not have too much, or too little. I received a very small allowance, which was not sufficient for the things I desired like a radio or new bicycle.
At about the age of ten, I saw a company advertisement in a comic book to sell vegetable and flower seeds door to door. I contacted them by mail and was soon walking door-to-door in my neighborhood selling the seeds. Many people bought because they were not too expensive and they needed. Many were just being nice to a young freckled-faced redheaded boy trying to be a little entrepreneur.
The 1960’s were still the days when young boys and girls on their bicycle delivered newspapers door-to-door. Now mostly adults drive their cars throwing the papers on someone’s driveway or front lawn. I knew a boy in my sixth-grade class giving-up his Washington Star afternoon newspaper route and he introduced me to the man who was distributor in our neighborhood.
The man hired me and would drop one or more big bundles of newspapers on our driveway EVERY day. Sometimes-on Wednesdays and Sundays when there were many advertisements, they were separate and had to be inserted into each paper before I could start the one-to-two hour delivery on my bicycle loaded with newspapers. This was seven-days a week in rain, snow, extreme cold and heat. It didn’t matter what the weather.
At the end of the month, I had to go door-to-door to collect the monthly bill for the papers. Some customers were good to pay on time and others, I had to “Chase-down” for my money.
At no time did my parents interfere or try to help me. Yes, there were times they wanted to help, especially in freezing weather with ice and snow on the streets. It would have been easy to accept my father’s offer to drive me door-to-door in bad weather, but this was MY job and MY responsibility to do.
I tell you this because this is how I could buy my special Schwinn bicycle with two big baskets for the papers. Another advantage was I could ride it to school as well as around the neighborhood to visit friends, go shopping or go to football and baseball practice. I was achieving some little independence at a young age.
Later when I was in high school and the university, I worked part-time in the evenings, or full-time in the summers doing work such as cleaning tables and washing dishes in a seafood restaurant, moving furniture day and night for a moving company, or working at a near freezing and bloody Washington, D.C. meat packing plant. None of these was “White Collar” jobs, but hard and dirty manual labor.
What did I learn and what will your son learn at an early age by working part-time? The answer is learning to be independent, dependable and a work ethic. Nothing worth having comes free or without sacrifice.
This is why I become somewhat angry when it’s suggested by some here I am “Lucky” or “Fortunate” to have an education or retirement, therefore it is OK for some to take short-cuts in their life and not follow laws to get what they want NOW and not waiting to properly prepare for the things they desire most. It took me fourteen years to get my B.S. degree and twenty-five years hard work to get a retirement. NO LUCK involved.
I am not “Lucky”. I worked hard in my early years and as an adult to get a university education working full-time all day and going to school at night. I have no respect for anyone from Canada, USA, UK, Australia or ANY developed country who makes excuses for not having a post secondary education where opportunities abound. In the USA for example, almost ANYONE with half a brain can get student loans, scholarships, or just pay as-you-go for a vocational or university education.
YES, it make take years to get a university degree like me, but it’s called DELAYED GRATIFICATION meaning we must WAIT for what we truly want, just like your son is now learning.
It is too bad we now have generations of young people of all races and socio-economic backgrounds, and their bleeding heart apologists, worldwide who can only find lame excuses and flimsy reasons for taking ill-advised shortcuts, circumventing or violating laws and otherwise too lazy to work for what they want.
Thank you for your story and THANK GOD, whoever your God is, there are parents like you truly nurturing and instilling good values in their children. Because of you, your son will be a better man, citizen, husband and future father. I hope sharing your story will be an inspiration to other parents and those who may be future parents.
It is the second week, I went to visit my son yesterday afternoon, it takes about 30minutes from my home, not too far. The girls told me the boss and his wife took him to have lunch with their sons at noon. It seems many people take care him. He works 6days each week, 8hours each day, go back home for dinner twice a week. The work is easy to do, but needs much patient. Tonight, I got his phone, he said he worked 1.5 hours more tonight. It sounds good. But he also said he woke up at 2am last night, I guessed if he hung mosquito net last night. He said no.... and he said he was feeling hungry,and trying to wait for the older sisters to take him to buy some food. See... problems are coming.
But I won't worry about him so much. Just need to give him some calls or visit. He needs more encouragment.